Should your Husband have close Female friends

[Cerby]

@Michelle and Starnique - What if your bf had a close female friend before you started dating? Would she be off limits if the relationship got serious? Even if there was no emotional past between them at all? I agree with new friends for sure, but I don't see anything about existing friends.

As for the OPs problem, she is pretty much f*cked based on the previous thread, so my advice to her is to get a time machine and not get married.

[michelle23]

cerby i wouldnt date him. we see threads here all the time. "in love with best friend but he has a gf" for example. and vice versa. we see it everyday here and i dont think its worth it in the long run to waste 5 years on someone who has been secretely in love with his "friend" all that time only to dump you for her in the end.

i never felt this way about it before until i joined this forum. i didnt realize how messy ad complicated a friendship can get but i do now

i dont wana be second best to anyone.

i would not tell him to give up friends for me-just wouldnt date him at all.

[basilandthyme]

^^ This. it's as simple as recognising our personal deal breakers. What is OK for one person may be a deal breaker for another - it's all about looking for signs of incompatibility early.

[bcgirl]

As for female/male friendships... This can work. My moms best friend is male from childhood and they are best buds till this day. However, I think there are many complications that arise with opposite sex friendships. I'm a good looking woman and I've found that in the past, all guy friends would end up developing a crush on me. I'm pretty, girly girl yet tomboyish and know that I am many men's fantasy... Therefore a male/female friendship can't really work with me. Ask any straight male if they can be best friends with a Victoria secret model without popping a boner once in a while if she ends up talking about typical friends conversation like dating and sex. If you are popping boners for a friend... This ain't a healthy friendship. Period. Friendships happen when there is mutual personality attraction. You have fun hanging out with your friend, you laugh and have good conversatiion etc. If you have personality and physical attraction this equals romantic feelings. In a marriage don't we try to find a partner where we are personality attracted to as well as physically attracted to? What better mate than a person who is your best friend and physically attracted to right? Therefore generally best friends are reserved with ppl who are of the same sex where there are zero physical attractions. Once physical attraction comes into play... It's only a matter of time till the friendship ends awkward or sour.

[Prescious]

@Michelle and Starnique - What if your bf had a close female friend before you started dating? Would she be off limits if the relationship got serious? Even if there was no emotional past between them at all? I agree with new friends for sure, but I don't see anything about existing friends.

As for the OPs problem, she is pretty much f*cked based on the previous thread, so my advice to her is to get a time machine and not get married.

You think I'm screwed? What will happen in our marriage? He says that girl is like his sister and he won't call her anymore if that makes me happy? Should I trust him on this?

[bcgirl]

You think I'm screwed? What will happen in our marriage? He says that girl is like his sister and he won't call her anymore if that makes me happy? Should I trust him on this?

If you have to ponder this then you are fu(ked! What a sh!tty way to start a marriage

[michelle23]

You think I'm screwed? What will happen in our marriage? He says that girl is like his sister and he won't call her anymore if that makes me happy? Should I trust him on this?

Go home OP. If he loves you, he will follow you, he will fight for you and he will prove he has not done anything. Get on a plane and get the f**k outa there. If he does not follow you-he was never yours to begin with.

[Am I crazy?]

A few observations about you Michelle23.

You do not seem to think that any male and female can have a platonic relationship. That is nuts. The more I read your posts and your non reality based views on relationships the more I am beginning to believe you are nothing of what you claim to be. My gut tells me based upon you naivety and fantasy world perspective is that you probably don’t have a steady relationship, if any and you are using this web site as a way fill that void. If you had a life outside of this forum you would not be posting here at all hours. You have such a poor and skewed view on a man’s ability to be faithful I just can’t see how you could ever keep a man in a faithful and committed relationship. It would be a pure hell always having a worry in the back of your mind that your mate was going to cheat and limit those friendships. You are clueless.

You also seem to love to tell any person who has a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex that they are having an "emotional affair". If you do actually have a boyfriend, have you ever stopped to consider that as much time as you obsess with this site and other peoples problems that you are actually the one having the "emotional affair" with a web site?

Do I have a problem with you? Not really, what bothers me about you and some like you is that you seem to have such a lack of faith in men and you try to instill your belief in others through the advice you give. You are one messed up chick if you asked me. You say that you give your man all the trust but would leave him if he developed a close platonic friendship with another woman? It seems you trust is only based upon what suites your needs best. That’s fuched up.

I know this web site is just an obsessive hobby of yours but what you fail to realize is that these are the lives of other people. You are often careless with your advice and quite literally a despondent person could read some of the crap you write lose faith in men and do something stupid or harmful to them. Relationships are as individual as the people in them and your blanket lack of trust in men is just plain loony.

I wish you well but from the sounds of things you really don’t have any reality based relationship experience

[michelle23]

A few observations about you Michelle23. You do not seem to think that any male and female can have a platonic relationship. That is nuts. The more I read your posts and your non reality based views on relationships the more I am beginning to believe you are nothing of what you claim to be. My gut tells me based upon you naivety and fantasy world perspective is that you probably don’t have a steady relationship, if any and you are using this web site as a way fill that void. If you had a life outside of this forum you would not be posting here at all hours. You have such a poor and skewed view on a man’s ability to be faithful I just can’t see how you could ever keep a man in a faithful and committed relationship. It would be a pure hell always having a worry in the back of your mind that your mate was going to cheat and limit those friendships. You are clueless.

If I was not in a relationship, I would not have a posted two pictures of me and my partner on this site. I normally go on this site at work as my job is quite boring and i have nothing else to do. Sometimes if I cant sleep at night, I come on here.

You also seem to love to tell any person who has a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex that they are having an "emotional affair". If you do actually have a boyfriend, have you ever stopped to consider that as much time as you obsess with this site and other peoples problems that you are actually the one having the "emotional affair" with a web site?

I spend most of my spare time with my partner when I am not working. We do everything together 5-6 nights a week. We also visit family/friends.

Do I have a problem with you? Not really, what bothers me about you and some like you is that you seem to have such a lack of faith in men and you try to instill your belief in others through the advice you give. You are one messed up chick if you asked me. You say that you give your man all the trust but would leave him if he developed a close platonic friendship with another woman? It seems you trust is only based upon what suites your needs best. That’s fuched up.

I am not sure where you get that impression. I am always sticking up for men on this site when people throw stereotypes around and say all men this, all men that. I have no problem with men and I actually believe that around 78% are faithful as I have done my research on the topic. I am also surrounded by a ton of decent, loyal, honest men. All my male relatives are great so I do not know why you think I have a problem with men. I am not sure why you continue to attack me. I am not the only one on here who does not believe in male and female close friendships. The majority here agree with me.

I know this web site is just an obsessive hobby of yours but what you fail to realize is that these are the lives of other people. You are often careless with your advice and quite literally a despondent person could read some of the crap you write lose faith in men and do something stupid or harmful to them. Relationships are as individual as the people in them and your blanket lack of trust in men is just plain loony.

I have a keen interest in psychology and sociology. I have studied relationships in great detail when my own relationship was going through problems after I lost someone close to me. I feel I can give good advice based on my own experiences and many people on here appreciate my advice and respect my opinion so screw you and what you think. I dont have to answer to you.

When it comes to cheating- the only answer I will give is leave. They do not have to take my advice if they do not want to.

[confusednow]

what the **** is that dudes problem with michelle? I have been private mailing her for weeks and she has been very helpful-giving amazing advice to me and others. leave her the **** alone. You dont even know what your on about. loser!

[Am I crazy?]

Michelle and confused,

I stand 100% by my comments. In fact, after her last response I am even more convinced. Glad you feel she could help you. Just realize she is clueless when it comes to men and her advice is very biased.

[michelle23]

You have been on here like a week is it? and you think you know a thing about me? Whatever. Your an idiot! My advice is not biased.

[confusednow]

ignore him gal, dont rise to it. your advice is very helpful and i agree with you on the whole friends thing. I have been in a relationship for over 6 years and he has never had a close female friend, i have never had a close male friend and its an important boundary to have because it can get complicated and messy if you get too close to someone else. It leads to confusion and many people have messed their whole life up over an affair, it aint worth it. i know a man who became friends with a work colleague, it started off as just friends and he said it was all innocent-eventually it lead to the end of his marriage and hers and 7 kids lives ****ed up. the whole family is in turmoil and he is depressed off his head. he started drinking heavily and would do anything to go back and never meet this woman. he hates her guts now-he said it was all just fantasy and he was so stupid-he started to believe that he didnt love his wife and thought he wanted to be with this bitch at work and now hed give anything to go back. hes in counselling trying to put the pieces of his life back together, he was suicidal and had a breakdown. he ended up in a mental hospital for 6 weeks and had a minor heartache. his ex wife has been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder and his oldest daughter has been getting into a lot of trouble lately. its sad but it happens and can tear a family apart. people become infatuated and then thats it-they are so stupid and by the time they realize it, its too late. he thought the whore was like his soul mate or something at the time-what a fool but now he knows he ****ed up and he cant go back and change it. they are both miserable and there marriage is over. she said she will never ever take him back. she will not forgive him and she doesnt care if hes suicidal. he tore their family apart, not her and she will not be blamed for any of this. she is a strong woman, like you are michelle and i suspect youd never consider forgiving the cunt either. good for you girl. id do the same

[michelle23]

Ya I know, I have seem it too.

I know this one guy called Gary. He was going out with a girl for 6 years, everyone thought they were great together, that theyd get married etc. One day he dumped her randomly out of the blue and we find out a week later hes with another girl called Ann-Marie.

Anyway for about 3 months everything went well between him and his new woman but then reality started to sink in and he realized he really loved his ex, missed her and wanted her back but it was too late. Hed already ripped her heart out and she wasnt going to forgive him.

Anyway Ann-Marie knew he was becoming distant and losing interest in her. Next think we know, shes pregnant and right after she had the first baby, she got pregnant again almost instantly.

The two of them now have the most destructive unhealthy relationship. They have two young kids and they hate each other. They break up every second week and they are both miserable.

Just proves the grass is not always greener on the other side

[Am I crazy?]

Michelle23,

What does length of time on the site mean in anyway? does a history of bad advice create credibility? Anyway, I dont need to know you too deeply, afterall according to you that would mean we are having an "emotional affair" lol. I know your type. You are a meddler. You are the person in the neighborhood that is always peeking out your windows watching the neighbors and knows everything about everybody at work. You are obsessive. As I said, I stand behind my earlier comments that you have no faith in men and their ability to have close female friends. You are living in a web based fantasy world with no grounding in reality.