Give up or keep trying?

[crudemood]

I really like this girl. We've been out maybe 5 times.

She hardly ever initiates texts but when I do text her she always responds positively. In person she doesn't talk a lot. In the back of my head I thought she wasn't interested but I'm sure she is because otherwise she wouldn't come out with me. Plus I get that vibe that she's interested in me.

The last time we went out she spilled the beans, she really seemed to open up to me. She told me she had been through depression before, her parents had split 2 years ago which affected her mental health alot. It all made sense to why she was the way that she was. She seems very closed off to protect her feelings, shes always in control of everything she says and feels. She told me her life was shit and her only reason to live was to survive. I thought that was a major downer whereas I'm a happy person, at least I try to be. I went through depression too so I know what it feels like.

Through out the date she wasn't talking at all and was busy on her phone, turns out she got a text to get called in for work which means she had worked 7 days that week. I know she's stressed and everything and I tried not to take it personally but its hard not to.

I want to help her because I would have given anything for someone to be there when I went through depression... I don't know.

I don't know if I should go for what I want or it just isn't worth the baggage?

[surfhb2]

I really like this girl. We've been out maybe 5 times.

She hardly ever initiates texts but when I do text her she always responds positively. In person she doesn't talk a lot. In the back of my head I thought she wasn't interested but I'm sure she is because otherwise she wouldn't come out with me. Plus I get that vibe that she's interested in me.

The last time we went out she spilled the beans, she really seemed to open up to me. She told me she had been through depression before, her parents had split 2 years ago which affected her mental health alot. It all made sense to why she was the way that she was. She seems very closed off to protect her feelings, shes always in control of everything she says and feels. She told me her life was shit and her only reason to live was to survive. I thought that was a major downer whereas I'm a happy person, at least I try to be. I went through depression too so I know what it feels like.

Through out the date she wasn't talking at all and was busy on her phone, turns out she got a text to get called in for work which means she had worked 7 days that week. I know she's stressed and everything and I tried not to take it personally but its hard not to.

I want to help her because I would have given anything for someone to be there when I went through depression... I don't know.

I don't know if I should go for what I want or it just isn't worth the baggage?

why do you want to date someone with this kind of baggage?

[basilandthyme]

Why do you want to date someone who spent the date not talking and playing on her phone?

[crudemood]

Hmmm. I'll take your guys consideration into account.

[VerticalMoon]

You need to be really careful about this. It can turn into a situation where you end up becoming her caregiver. For a while, you would get the satisfaction of being able to take care of somebody else's problems. She would get to lean on somebody else instead of handling her own problems. That's not what a couple's relationship should be about. Eventually you would both want a more equal relationship. There is also the problem that it would be harder for her if you guys broke up since she would have become dependent on you.

If you want to pursue this, first you need to make sure that she is interested in fixing herself. It can happen to anyone, but somebody who isn't interested in fixing the problem won't make a good partner. Second, you need to be sure you aren't looking to be the hero. If you just want to be there for her as a friend, that's fine. But if you're finding yourself plotting ways to get her out of her depression, or dreaming about being the one who gets her out of it, or thinking about her depression more than other aspects of her, then you probably shouldn't be getting into this. If that's not the case, then give it a shot, but take things slow before getting too serious.

[crudemood]

You need to be really careful about this. It can turn into a situation where you end up becoming her caregiver. For a while, you would get the satisfaction of being able to take care of somebody else's problems. She would get to lean on somebody else instead of handling her own problems. That's not what a couple's relationship should be about. Eventually you would both want a more equal relationship. There is also the problem that it would be harder for her if you guys broke up since she would have become dependent on you.

If you want to pursue this, first you need to make sure that she is interested in fixing herself. It can happen to anyone, but somebody who isn't interested in fixing the problem won't make a good partner. Second, you need to be sure you aren't looking to be the hero. If you just want to be there for her as a friend, that's fine. But if you're finding yourself plotting ways to get her out of her depression, or dreaming about being the one who gets her out of it, or thinking about her depression more than other aspects of her, then you probably shouldn't be getting into this. If that's not the case, then give it a shot, but take things slow before getting too serious.

This actually gave me the kind of detailed insight I was looking for. It answered all my questions, even the ones I didn't ask. Thanks so much.