Help me

[joemadison42]

I am ready to give up on dating. I live in Madison Wisconsin and am 42 year old. I have tried just about every dating service there is. I do not know why but it seems like it is impossible to find anyone here that is singles and not over weight. I know you women will scream look for the inner beauty. But inner beauty is only one part of a long lasting relationship. You must have many things is common, things you like to do together, things to spend quality time together. I like to go hiking, ride bicycle, play sports, go skiing, mountain climbing, and white water rafting. None of these things I can hope to do with someone who gets winded walking up one flight of stairs. So what is the point of getting married if there is nothing you can do together you both enjoy. I do not know what is about Madison, but women here over 40 are just not in to athletics, sure you see lots of fit women working and stating fit but they are all already married. So here is my question, I have been considering using an international marriage broker. Has anyone ever used one or knows some who has? Did the marriage last? Did she change after she arrived? Any feedback would be helpful, and please women don’t criticize me for looking at my options. I have been dating here for almost 25 years, it is time for me to start a family. I have realized now that it is never going to happen in this city

[basilandthyme]

I am and a woman and am not offended by the idea of wanting someone who's fit, healthy and active. However, I do see your approach to the outdoors as being a little too intense. You say >>So what is the point of getting married if there is nothing you can do together you both enjoy?<< Does this mean that there's nothing else you enjoy other than the outdoors? You don't like theatre and restaurants and dinner with friends? You don't like photography or reading or music? What about nice drives in the country?

Thing is, even if you find a fit and healthy girl of your age, odds are that she'll want more in her life than outdoors and sport. And she'll ALSO want someone to enjoy them with.

Taking it further, you say you want to start a family...and keep climbing and rafting and sporting.....good luck with that! LOL Like it or not, having children will have a negative impact your ability to participate in these activities. Sure, you can keep skiing if the resort has a crèche and, later on, kids ski lessons, but who's going to be with the kids if you and your wife are out climbing and hiking frequently? What about needing to be around on weekends so that you can take your kids to birthday parties and little league? Yes, I too remember saying that our kids were going to fit in around our lives....how delusional we were LOL

And if you're like us and have a disabled child, you will find that it seriously changes all the way you spend your spare time. We're currently trying to figure out the future of our skiing because our son is disabled enough to not be able to ski, but not so disabled that he qualifies for a sit ski. He hates the idea of being left at home with family but complains about being in the lodge for a weekend.

There is also the thought that we don't have to share ALL our hobbies with our partner. Hubby and I love to ski and surf together, but he enjoys his soccer and tennis without me. He doesn't need my presence to make it enjoyable. Frankly, I think having individual hobbies is healthy...I'd hate to spend all our free time in each other's pockets.

What I'm trying to say is that finding someone who can participate in some (not all) of your activities is great. But you need to loosen your criteria somewhat. You're not going to find someone who loves everything you do. And also remember that people and our life situations change. We have children and get age related injuries and we never know what's around the corner.

I'm not in the US, so I had to Google Madison. Apparently it's got a population of 236,000. You're not in a small town! There has to be more women out there if you loosen your criteria a bit. And if not, why don't you move to a bigger place such as Chicago? Join a climbing club there and see who you meet.

Lastly, there's no way I'd even consider a marriage broker.

[michelle23]

i dont think marrying someone from a different culture is a good idea. some cultures can be very conservativre and have very little interest in sex for example. or a woman may just marry you for a visa, an easier life etc and be a complete nightmare.

you would need to spend a lot of time getting to know someone properly before committing to marriage otherwise you will end up divorced within a few years. i think its a stupid idea. sorry.

maybe you are being too fussy. its unrealistic to want a size 0 model at your age. how fit does she need to be to match your expectations? i know attraction is important but make sure you are being realistic in your search.

maybe you should give some of these women a chance and actually go on a few dates before riting them off as unnattractive. unless they are very unfit. but a little meat can be attractive on an older woman.

[smackie9]

There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who is compatible not only in mind but body as well. Demographics can play a major roll in what you can find so I suggest looking out of state. And there are lots of younger women that like dating an older man as long as he has financial appeal...especially if you are wanting to start a family, this is key.

[smackie9]

As for pulling for a foreign bride you are messin with danger. The majority of them are just looking for citizenship so they can get out of their crappy country.

[TablesandChairs]

a) there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone large and very unfit.

That said - what's the likelihood of finding a woman who is as into outdoor sports as you are? Not very high. I have plenty of female friends: they're slender, they go to the gym...but none of them are really into hiking/camping/rafting etc. Their partners usually do this stuff with their male friends...and their girlfriends spend the weekend doing other stuff. I went rock climbing with my ex sometimes, but not as often as he did. That wasn't a problem, I was his girlfriend, not his sporting buddy.

But then, he had a life and didn't expect me to adopt his exact lifestyle. Similarly, I didn't expect him to spend hours shoe shopping with me. I have female friends for that.

You're 42 and still single; at some point you have to look at your expectations and decide whether they're reasonable or not. No one is suggesting you need to date someone obese (I wouldn't want to do that either) but expecting a woman around your age to be equally into out-door sports as you? Seems unlikely to me...

[Am I crazy?]

If you have been dating there for almost 25 years and have not been able to find a mate two potential problems come to mind. Either its the environment (probably not) or you have set your standards too high. So, you either need to move or be open to the possibilities of other women. I find it hard to believe that there are not fit single athletic women where you live. You are probably just not hanging out at the right places to meet the right woman. But seriously, from one guy to another, if you have not found a suitable woman in 25 years you yourself are probably the biggest part of the problem and I doubt you will have any luck with a mail order bride.

Don't take this personally, but if after 25 years without finding a woman, maybe you are coming across to woman as too picky or a "dick", otherwise you would think woman would be chasing after you as a "catch" and the married ones would be trying to set you up with their friends. rethink your approach.

[janmer18]

International dating service ha?, is in it just another name for Mail Order Bride? Sounds like you are looking for a mail order bride.

[joemadison42]

I am not sure why you would call it mail order bride, Is there a certain distance the distinguishes mail order bride form non mail order brides, I have had many women from California write me in the past, so would they be a mail order bride because they are 2000 miles away? If a women meets a man in Paris it is so romantic, but if a man meets a women in another Country they call it a mail order brides.

Seem like a big double standard!

[michelle23]

I thought you were planning to go through some marriage agency that would find you a suitable bride? If that is what you are planning to do-I think it is an insane idea. You could try a long distance relationship with someone from 1000 miles away and move her closer to you if you feel she is a good match.

[TablesandChairs]

I'm looking for a boyfriend who will have my fetish for handbags and shoes. He must also love baking and doing cross stitch.

What are my chances? Moderate if I was in the market for a gay guy. Pretty low otherwise.

[WhatIsHappening]

Keep on dating but don't rush into a relationship. Wait for the right person to come along! One you can't live without.