Please help me I'm heartbroken need advice! Long thread

[Need helps]

Me and my boyfriend were together 1 year 3 months, and he is my first everything, especially my first love, and just the same I am his first everything and love. I am 17 he is 19.

Our relationship we were like best friends and lovers, there was nothing I could say was wrong, he treat me like his world started and ended with me, even family members commented on how sweet he treat me.

5 days ago we broke up and it's literally crushing me and killing me inside.

To explain it properly, me and him met on the Internet, and he lived 4 hours away from me so we saw each other every weekend and on holidays we stayed over each others houses for a week or sometimes more. We don't drive yet, and so it meant getting the train which can be high with expenses but it was never a problem, we always got to see each other.

Any way, everything had been going perfect until he went on holiday about 2 weeks ago with his mum end brothers, and he text me like 12 times with in a week and I found it a little odd since he couldn't go a day without ringing me if he was at home. I confronted him about it and he apologised, but I took it too far and mistakenly dumped him, I regretted it within two days and rang him apologising by this point he was back at home, and he said we could try again, but he made sure I was sorry for it by being off with me when texting me.

I decided we should meet up half way, and go out for the day, and he agreed, when he got there he hugged me and kissed me and told me I looked beautiful and i kept looking out the corner of my eye and noticed he wouldnt take his eyes off me, it felt like we were back to normal and I was his world again. After that we were great, apart from the fact the texting still was an issue, I didn't want him to text me every hour of his day, but I would text him and I'd get a reply after 2 hours, there was no text on a morning, and no ringing him on lunch breaks when he was at college.

He came up on the weekend and again it was great.
He went home on the Sunday, and the texting still had not changed, it was just here and there and he never text me on a morning, it would be during the day, like I was last minute?

By Wednesday I said to him how I was feeling and how he needed to change it because I'm not happy and I was literally close to tears, he always said if anything was bothering me, he would rather we talked about it then just threw everything away. But when I told him, he said I can't expect him to text me all the time because he gets busy with family, and he didnt see any problem he was just sick of the arguing and said it hurts that he's not making me happy. I decided again we should be friends, and he agreed because we both wanted different things.

I didn't tell my family because I thought by the next day we would be back together. The next day, I woke up with a text and every hour he text me with kisses and said he still loves me and hopes I'm having a good day, which is all i wanted him to do when we were together? that night he called me on face time and said its killing him and that he cried on the morning looking through photos and cried to his mum, which then he said he told his family, and I hadn't done that and so I started to think maybe we are actually breaking up, cause why would he tell his family? It started to sink in and I felt sick, he sat on the night and said he loved me with all his heart and that is never gonna change because I'm his first love. It was coming to midnight and we had college so we both went to bed with just a "night" it broke my absolute heart, I shattered and started to grovel, which I regret doing since it was me who grovelled last time, even though it was my fault, I kept saying you always said we could try and your giving up, and he said we are just gonna keep arguing if we did and that it would just get to this point again, and as much as he loves me we are best as friends. I told him I couldn't do it, I told him I regretted losing my virginity to him and he said that it hurt to say it and it felt like a knife in the heart. Then I said I couldn't stay in contact cause I'd want more, and he begged me to stay friends, I said if we did I would get false hope of us trying again and said if you don't want to give it a try I can't stay friends so please tell me, so he said we could try again, but it didnt feel sincere.

Next morning, I felt worse, and I had no text like I had the day before, so I text him saying "look, I was wrong to basically make you take me back by giving you an option of that or no contact, so as much as I want to be your girlfriend, if friends is what you want then ill accept it and ill keep In contact. I didn't mean it but I needed to know. I got a text after 6 hours saying he wanted friends again, but he never said it was the arguing he was now saying it was the distance. I went home and told my family. He text me hoping I was okay 3 times and I didn't reply.

They said they think his ego has got too big, from me looking desperate and grovelling to him. Also, that this time because I kept saying I wanted friends he's called my bluff because in the past he's been the one to grovel and he's wanted to show me what it's like. On the other side, they think maybe he's lost interest and much as he loves me, he doesn't want the relationship. But the next day even after I didn't reply he text me how I was so I said yeah I'm fine and he asked what I'd been upto, again I didn't reply. Since then he hasn't text me for 2 days.

I went on my emails and noticed I had a message from my tagged saying he had bought me on pets yesterday which is this game thing where you own people, and he kept buying me back from this other guy, and he knows you get an email.

Why is he doing this? Is he playing mind games?

[Valixy]

No person on Earth could have maintained that level of texting forever. People need to concentrate on other things too and a little bit of space every now and then or they would either go crazy or they'd miss out on many important and necessary aspects in life. Relationships change, they can suddenly be more or less intense, focused on fun or responsibilities, more or less romantic, more intimate or open to sharing time with others, etc. Variation is normal and necessary.

I think that you are very young and very in love but you will have to learn to give this guy a bit of independence. You can't have him glued by his phone. That's not fair and it's not even love. It's you being immature and craving 100% attention all the time. Try to relax a little bit and learn to enjoy your day even if you don't receive a text from him every half an hour.

Showing more trust and maturity and being more independent instead of having so many emotional ups and downs because you're not communicating continuously will only make you look more attractive to him instead of pushing him away. You need to try a different kind of relationship if you want things to work well for you two. Beings friends and getting a new more objective perspective on things might result useful to you and him.

[Need helps]

Thank you, I have give him space and not text him, should I continue or text him to let him know I still care or let him make that move?do you reckon he does still care?

[Valixy]

You could either wait for him to text you or you could text him a short quick funny question but not in the middle of the night or it will make you look desperate. You know his personality best. Something that would amuse him and incite him to reply even if he might take his time. My idea is for you to initiate a light fun conversation after so many tears and reproaches. When you have exchanged a few funny teasing messages for a few days, hopefully you'll speak or meet up and you'll know how to go from there.

I really think that if you want to try a relationship with him again you'll have to be able to change the general tone and make it more enjoyable and giving him the possibility to be himself while you become a more mature and happier self

[Need helps]

Thank you very much! I would definitely change for him, I just hope I'm not trying with him if he doesn't care anymore do you think that's the case?

[Valixy]

You don't need to change, just to learn a few things that can make you happier. People learn things all the time no matter what age.

And never ever tell a guy that you're ready to change for him. You do what you do for yourself, because you've realised that it's best and in the long run it will also benefit the people who are in your life.

I think he still has feelings for you but this is not a moment to pressure him. Try to keep a fun light attitude and hopefully you'll be back together. Your message must be that you like him, he is special but being a happy girl that enjoys doing things for herself too

[Need helps]

I can't bring myself to message him I feel like I've already done the running when I ran after him saying I regret the decision and that ill always be wanting to try and love him, he said he did then the next morning said he didn't.

I'm afraid of messaging him and getting involved in thinking he cares if it really is over for him.
He knows how I feel since I told him the night he kept saying he wanted to be friends, if I meant anything to him and if he regretted making the decision of being friends again wouldn't he have messaged me with just a hello? Thanks again

[Need helps]

I can't bring myself to message him I feel like I've already done the running when I ran after him saying I regret the decision and that ill always be wanting to try and love him, he said he did then the next morning said he didn't.

I'm afraid of messaging him and getting involved in thinking he cares if it really is over for him.
He knows how I feel since I told him the night he kept saying he wanted to be friends, if I meant anything to him and if he regretted making the decision of being friends again wouldn't he have messaged me with just a hello? Thanks again

[Valixy]

I think he loves you but he couldn't continue having such an intense relationship where you felt hurt every time he didn't text you. You simply put too much emotional pressure on him and he felt he was unable to respond to that and this why I think that you should try to reach him in a light funny manner. However if you feel differently, you should respect that.

[meloveulongtime]

He loves you. He's seriously busy with responsibilities.

[Need helps]

Thank you, Im glad I found this site, because its best to hear from people who you don't know, as they can see from the outside looking in, I will text him, and ill let you know how It goes, but do you think he ill get the idea I'm running back to him if I do? Also what do I do if I find out the relationship isn't what he wants? Will I have to to through the hurt again? Do you think there could be another girl involved?

Main thing is, keeping it friends, and seeing how he reacts, and make sure I don't rush in head first.

I've learned that if we both do wanna try again, we must give it time, and go slow, we are only young for such an intense relationship I realise that. But my worry is going through the pain of him liking friends more and him meeting someone else, I'd be crushed absolutely and utterly broken. Thanks again for your replies I can't thank you enough!

[Need helps]

Just an update I have found out by a girl who goes to his college (who apparently fancies him) he's discussed times about us having sex, when I confronted him and he denied it, but she knew every detail, I am angry but I have my answer that I can never trust him

[meloveulongtime]

Sounds like you're looking reasons to still be mad. If its not working, let it go.

[meloveulongtime]

I think you need more time from him to regather your thoughts and feelings.

[Need helps]

I did contact him and he ignored it, but he has deleted his account, I've came to realise he doesn't care. While I'm sat crying day in day out, he went out and got drunk last night with friends, I've tried and tried guys but its time to let it go