The waiting is the hardest part

[beardlife78]

Recently started hanging out with a female that I've had a crush on for several months. Completely random how we started hanging out a few weeks back and we've have hung out literally everyday since we were properly introduced. We run in the same social groups and share many similar interest. We both volunteer for non profit organizations. She is close friends with my best friend who is also a female. She takes me to amazing scenic places to do things such as watch the sun rise and we enjoy many activities together and can spend hours and hours talking. We are also seen in public a lot with each other and we live in a close knit community so people know we are hanging out. It's to the point now that we do not even need to communicate to make plans, we seem to gravitate towards one another every evening.


Sounds almost perfect, except for the fact that she recently got out of a 3 year relationship. When we are together, the world makes sense and although I just enjoy her company I have let her know that I am interested in her.

I do not want to scare her off by expressing my emotions too much and I am taking it slow, I just really want to tell her how I feel and I want to do so soon. Really need advice on how to remain cool until she is ready to possibly open up to

[Ann S]

I hope you are careful not to be a rebound! I hope you don't tell her how you feel for a while....she needs to get over her 3 year relationship and figure out what her part was in the break up. The real healing in getting over a relationship is to look at one's own part instead of blaming the other party. That way we have some perspective on what we need to adjust in a new relationship. Be patient. Ann

[smackie9]

Just say things like "I really enjoy your company" "I feel a real connection with you" "I look forward to our time together" look for cues from her whether you should hold off or proceed. Not everyone needs a lot of time to heal....some can move on quickly if the conditions are right. Love is unpredictable and doesn't always follows the rules.

[smackie9]

Note: if you are seeing each other a lot you can't say you are taking it slow, you are moving fast already. It might be time to have a talk with her before you get stuck in the friends zone.

[beardlife78]

I sent her a text yesterday morning to let her know my feelings and what I thought of her. I did not get a reply for pretty much the entire day and today I received confirmation that she is not interested in anything other than friendship at the moment. This information comes after we hung out last night and I met a group of her friends that run in a different circle.

it's obvious that she enjoys my company and as such, I am backing off and will let her heal and if it's meant to happen, it will. Thanks for the responses!

[sunnyd89]

I sent her a text yesterday morning to let her know my feelings and what I thought of her. I did not get a reply for pretty much the entire day and today I received confirmation that she is not interested in anything other than friendship at the moment. This information comes after we hung out last night and I met a group of her friends that run in a different circle.

it's obvious that she enjoys my company and as such, I am backing off and will let her heal and if it's meant to happen, it will. Thanks for the responses!

I'm really sorry about that man!
I know it sucks and been feeling a bit the same, having feelings for someone is hard, especially if you aren't sure if the other person is on the same page... now because she has recently split up after a long relationship, she probably needs time to breathe.. that was me, i came out a relationship and all I wanted was being single and have fun..just find myself! after 6 months of being single, i randomly met this guy and I'm crazy for him...so I am reconsidering my single-life decision.

just back off a little but let her know that u are there for her if she needs anything, you never know, she might change her mind sooner or later

[beardlife78]

I'm really sorry about that man!
I know it sucks and been feeling a bit the same, having feelings for someone is hard, especially if you aren't sure if the other person is on the same page... now because she has recently split up after a long relationship, she probably needs time to breathe.. that was me, i came out a relationship and all I wanted was being single and have fun..just find myself! after 6 months of being single, i randomly met this guy and I'm crazy for him...so I am reconsidering my single-life decision.

just back off a little but let her know that u are there for her if she needs anything, you never know, she might change her mind sooner or later

I have heard from several good sources that she likes me and really enjoys my company. I have also told her how I feel as well. At this point it's her move and honestly if we only stay friends that is OK with me. At my age, (34) I have learned that rushing into anything without friendship will almost always fail. I've been single for over six months myself and I'm comfortable being single and she needs time to heal.

I will just wait it out and see what the future brings.

[beardlife78]

NEW DEVELOPMENTS!

We have hung out with regularity now for almost a month. This past weekend, after a night on the town we were back at my place and she asked if she could stay. She slept beside me in my bed. A friend came by my work earlier today and said that he heard her discussing something about me with another employee at her place of employment earlier this morning.

It does seem that she is really into me. I just don't know how or what to say as I don't want to push her away and I also do not want to read into this too much.. I've backed off of texting her and have also curbed some of my enthusiasm. Any and all advice welcome!

[smackie9]

Dude you need to tell her you are interested in seeing her seriously. If you fear this will scare her off then no matter how long you wait it will never happen anyways.

BTW them sleeping in your bed and nothing sexual happens makes you a cuddle bitch....and that my dear is the kiss of death to any hope of a romantic relationship.

[michelle23]

I agree with smackie. Make the move. If she says yes-great. If not-stop waiting for her and cut all contact and move on with your life.