friendship after breakup

[bluekey]

I broke up with my ex about a year ago, although we only dated for 5 months, it was a pretty intense relationship. After the breakup, we promised to be friend with each other, however, we rarely talked to each other. Anyways, I just recently started dating someone else and feel like I am ready to move on. I emailed my ex a few days ago asking if she still wants to be friend. Her reply was rather suprising. She said
"I'm glad you've moved on and I'm happy that you have found someone. Thanks for wanting to be friends with me, but I think that it will be too difficult for me to be friends with you. We only knew each other as bf/gf and were never friends first. And now that we've broken up, I can't think of you of anything other than my ex. I'm so happy that you're dating someone nice and hopefully she'll be a better girlfriend to you than I was. "

I really wish I could be friend with my ex but I do respect her decision. However I am really confused by what she said, and don't understand why she wouldn't be friend with me. Does she hate me? or she is not over me yet?

Thanks for your advices.

[Chlorine]

Bluekey----"but I think that it will be too difficult for me to be friends with you"

She doesn't want to be friends because maybe:
*She still may have some feelings for you
*She doesn't want to dig up the past
*You've moved on, and you've told her that. Girls don't like to hear that. Matter of pride.

[Kiechi]

I don't see the need to befriend Ex Gf's...

[LightOn]

It's really not a good idea to befriend ex's anyway.

She doesn't hate you, she is doing the right thing by letting you go completely, by cutting off all ties with an ex you also lose that baggage. She is doing what is best for the both of you.

[lisa85]

I think what she did was right. She is probably over you, I don't think that is the reason why she said those things. If you haven't had that much to do with eachother before she probably doesn't see any reason for the two of you to start with it now, a year after you broke up.
By the way: Being friends with an ex is never a good idea when you have a new girl in your life, it will cause nothing but trouble for the both of you. Most girls doesn't gladly accept that their b/f is still friends with his ex.

[Kel]

my boyfriend did the same thing when we broke up a few days ago...and i find that i'm better off without being friends with him...otherwise i'd be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call or msg me...now i dont have to worry about it and i can move on...i really dont think you should worry...shes right, if you weren't friends before you started dating...why start now?

[jay12]

I wasnt friends with my ex b4 but i feel like its such a shame not to be at least friends, dunno if it would be a good idea tho, i wouldnt wanna know if she was now with someone else. Maybe im best completely forgetting mine as well.....

[Jsnowman]

Jay, perhaps someday you can be friends with her but she probably still has feelings for you since she got dumped. Give it time. She needs to cope with you having a new girl in your life and her pride is probably in the crapper right now. Instead, check back with her from time to time maybe by e-mail. Let her know that you hope she is ok and leave it at that. Perhaps you will get a response, perhpas not. It's out of your hands to force the friendship. I find that the one thing people do not do in life is communicate. You can let her know you still want a friendship with her down the road after she is comfortable with the situation...good luck

[KillaJakez]

firends with ex's is gay. period.

[ALovelyLady86]

I have to respond to this because this EXACT thing happened to me... pretty much anyway...

I dont know how many of you saw my post about my "situation" under the Dating topics...

Anyway my ex Chris and I were "friends" until I met Josh... then I told Chris about Josh and that I was happy and etc... Chris says hes so happy i found someone and so glad im happy finally....

well... chris found out that i spent the night at this guys house and flips out...

just make sure your ex doesnt find out about the spend the nights... i dont know why it made chris so mad... i guess because it was making it official (?) but... i dunno... it flipped him out lol.

[blue]

IMO- i am beginning to realize that friendships after breaks ups are difficult they give hope especially when the other person is totally in love with you. It only makes it harder on them. I feel that it is possible but it all depends on time it takes to heal and the dept of those feelings

[ger_ireland]

I prolly lost my chance of getting back with my g/f after splitting up 12 mts ago,(7 yrs together) we have remained very very close since, intimate even,phoned each other every morning and night and in between for the last 12 mts, she never got a chance to miss me.

she did admit to me some time ago that i had chased her away by pleading crying begging , basicallly being a total pain for the first few weeks, and if i had left her alone we would prolly be together, the worse thing of all is that 12 mts after being so close she has found someone else. guess there is a moral there somewhere

at the end of the day it boils down to what she wants to do, if she wants to come back in the future its her decision and hers alone, that said i was happy being her special friend but it hurts to see her with another, she still wants my friendship, what will be will be,

take care
ger

[ofekslayer]

The moral is: when things are over, they're over for a reason. If two people were meant to be together - they will end up together. But if you had broken up, and see no future together - then really, there is no point in staying in touch, and being intimate. It just keeps you from moving on, and finding your next love. I myself was in a situation just like that. We were together for a year, and then, FOR 3 MORE YEARS we stayed in touch (weekends together, and offcourse we were intimate). I realized I was thinking about him so much, when we weren’t actually together!!! I couldn't move on with my life. The one thing that changed my life and made me realize I was caught up in an obsessive relationship (that I couldn't let go of) was a book I accidentally stumbled into. That book had such an enormous affect on me, that right after I finished reading it, I realized I needed to go to therapy to solve my problem. I went to therapy to put an end to it, and now I know that holding on to a relationship that's over was a mistake. I know, it's very easy to say it, but once you're caught up emotionally in a relationship - it's very difficult. I recommend this book to everyone. It's called - "Obsessive Love". [url]http://www.fetchbook.info/fwd_description/search_0553296744.html[/url]
If you or anyone you know is in a relationship of that kind, when you feel you can't let go, even once it's over - this is the book for you. It made me see that I have a problem. Until reading this book, I was a firm believer that we will get back together no matter what (which offcourse never happened).
Sometimes it's best to learn from the experience of another. Learn from me.

[ger_ireland]

thank u for ur reply
the reason we split was that we lived 100 miles away and for personal reasons i could not go see her, (there were other factors that were not of our doing, the breakup was not because of any problems between us) she had to come to me, after the break up we met regular and she often said that she would never find anyone as good as me and i believe her on that, while we were"split" she saw no one else only me that im sure of, we even made love less than a month ago

she also said she could see herself still with me in a few years time, maybe the new guy (of 2 weeks) will change that feeling, or she may realise what she had in me, either way i made myself too accessible to her, still one does not travel 100 miles just to use someone i think, still cant get closure yet, even got a goodnight text the other night which included "X<-- one kiss goodnight"

i know she is confused and has some mental torment from a young age, a dirty uncle

ah well whats a guy to do

[Innova]

Friends after a relationship, any decent one at that...will seldom work..trust me on that. Between awkardness/lfet over feelings...it's just damn near impossible to be friends.

I'm not saying it can't happen, because there are instances where it does, but it takes a lot of work, time, effort..and sometimes all for not.