Laid back or not interested?

[alibalibee28]

Hey,

I met a guy (he's 25, I'm 28) a couple of months ago on POF and we had our first date, which went brilliantly, 8 weeks ago. Before we actually met, we used to text each other a few times, every day, with great banter. He'd mostly iniate the chat and just sometimes send me random things to make me smile, I loved it and thats what made me start to like him and want to meet him. After the first date, he text me saying he had a great night and would like to see me again. We met a few nights after, had another great time and he sent a similar text after.

However, since we initially met, he really hardly gets in touch anymore. We'll have the odd text, most of which he ends up not replying to mine which might just even ask how his weekend was etc. Ive been very careful not to double text or contact/chase him though as I know not to chase a guy or contact too much. Since the two first dates, we've seen each other probably initially about once a week, now its more like once every week and a half/two weeks. He is a busy guy, does a lot of sport and socialising which is totally fine - however, there is such a lack of contact compared to how it was. No banter texts etc. I can go 4 or 5 days sometimes without hearing anything from him. To me, this seems like a total lack of interest and effort. He doesn't seem bothered when he next sees me again or makes an effort to know what I'm up to.

I have twice (quite drunkenly unfortunately) brought this up with him and his response (what I remember!!) has pretty much been that his relationship with his ex (that finished 2 years ago!!) was really intense, they seen each other constantly etc (she ended up cheating on him so I think he's been really hurt) and I think he doesnt want to make that mistake again. Last week when I brought it up more seriously and told him its kind of been knocking my confidence not hearing from him, he did seem genuinely shocked like he wasn't aware of his actions. I had mentioned that the last time I stayed at his, it felt like he wanted rid of me quickly in the morning, he was like nooo that wasn't the case at all. I stayed last week and he did make a proper effort for me to stay the next day and we hung about with his housemates watching films. He had also said that he still thinks about a surprise date that I had planned and really enjoyed it etc, maybe he's just crap at communication! men! I was hopeful that this would be the start of a turnaround but its been the same this week in terms of no contact. I've met his friends a couple of times on nights out, he's came off the dating site (not because of me directly, he wasn't really into it anyway) and so I doubt very much he's seeing other people.

We get on really great together. However, I just always thought, if a guy was really into you, he'd want to contact you even just to see how your day was or make arrangements to meet again. To me, no contact means that he's not even thinking about me. He's either extremely laid back and geuinely doesn't realise that he's pretty crap at this or really not that interested and maybe just not brave enough to actually tell me that? He is genuinely a nice guy I think and I doubt he'd mess me around on purpose.

I'm not the most confident of people. My only previous experience of dating someone that turned into a relationship was very instant and very intensive so Ive never experienced this taking it slow and proper dating malarky. Because he is pretty laid back, I dont want to send him a heavy text message about this and scare him off (lets face it my drunken psycho actions last week wont have helped things!) I've been close to just ending things completely though as it is getting me down and knocking my confidence, but I dont want to as there could potentially be something there, I think I'd regret it.

So here it is - after two months of dating, should it be more obvious he's into me/should he be making more of an effort to be in touch? OR should I relax and see that he's had me meet his friends etc take that as a sign he likes me and he's just crap at keeping in touch, very laid back or just wants to take things really slow?

Any insight etc would be much appreciated! Thanks so much xxx

[jbruced]

Hello,
"A Text Message Does Not A Relationship Make." If the extent of your relationship with any man is a series of text messages then you are fooling yourself about relationship.
Any man that is interested in you will call with the intention of seeing you in person, just the two of you off to a romantic spot to be close. Please do not wast any more time on guys that are not ready for relationship and intimacy. Continue to meet as many men as you can and just enjoy their attention and have fun. The new age of text messaging is being misunderstood totally by men and women. It has given both men and women the opportunity to dodge real, one-on-one relationship and pretend to care about any one man or woman. Return to the simple approach to relationship building, meet the guy, go some place quiet, without any media distraction, and have a heart-to-heart conversation.
If you meet a man that can't or won't just be in conversation with you, in the flesh, he is not available for a relationship with you. Face it quickly and continue to meet new men and have fun. The best odds you will have with men is when you are not desperate and needy, and just fun and happy with yourself, just as you are.
Also watch for men that take the time to really look at you, your hair, clothes, how you smell, your natural beauty. If the guy isn't taking the time to "take you in fully", he isn't into you, it's just a fact about men. We are visual creatures, take some time to be the most you can be when in public and men will notice you.
Be well.
JB

[alibalibee28]

What an amazing response, thank you very much