Should I let her talk to other men when she goes out?

[nathansmart]

Im crazy huh?

Well Over the last 2 years I have been told If I go out, if any women talk to me I must tell them to F*** OFF. Im not allowed to talk to women. Now I have been out once alone without my mrs over the last 2 years.

My mrs goes out once a month comes back the next day and Talks to men including the ones that have made a pass at her. Last nite I told her I dont want her to talk to men - If they talk to her she must tell them to **** off

When I mentioned this she all of a sudden changed her view and said I dont mind u talking to women as long as they are not all over you arms around u etc...now this is completely different to what shes been telling me over the last years.

She Has made the points clear that there is no such thing as 'just friends' between a man and a woman. Anyway I've told her shes not to talk to men a all as it makes me jealous!

Am I being unreasonable

[michelle23]

your both being unreasonable. it sounds like you dont trust each other at all. maybe you should postpone the wedding and get relationship counselling.

trust is important and without it-your marriage wont last. as long as you both no the difference between righy and wrong and do not flirt or cheat-there should be no rule about talking to anyone. theres nothing wrong with a friendly chat

[lalalita]

She has double standards, much like the man I spent many years with. I was forbidden to keep close male company, any male that tried having a completely platonic relationship with me was automatically a "scum bag" and looking to sleep with me. I was not "allowed" to spend time with males alone, one on one...I could go on forever. The point is, none of these things applied to HIM. According to him, "woman don't hit on men" and if I ever had anything negative to say about the closeness of his female "friends" (needless to say, I came to find out HE was constantly the one hitting on them and making their relationships sexual) he would explode in anger saying I was being "ridiculous".

The sad thing about double standards if that it's nearly impossible to change people who hold them.

[michelle23]

the fact your woman is so paranoid could mean she is a cheat. people who are THAT insecure and untrusting normally have something to hide

[nathansmart]

Hi lalalita. I really appreciate your response.

Yes She has double standards - She says I wasnt allowed to have female company because she was insecure . I believe she is not going to speak to men again when she goes out but I have to confront her and get this confirmed before she goes away again this weekend just s she knows how serios I am. THe great thing is that this time I get to use all the arguments she used on me against her. After all the idea of not speaking the opposite sex is all her idea. Now since I dont go out and never get the opportunity to speak to anyone else I am going to enforce that rule on her. Seeing as she goes out a lot and has many male friends, this will have a big impact on her fun i believe. She Tells me IF a guy pays her a compliment she will thank him and be nice..to me that means a guy hit on her and she will chat to him and flirt and have a laugh (hence it's a lot of fun) . Considering I was told if a women chats to me i need to tell them to get lost as they have only 1 thing on their mind, this means It's a complete double standard.

I do entirely trust her but I feel she should really taste her own medicine at it was unreasonable. I used to have many female friends and was made to loose them all. My next step will be to remove any males from her phone and facebook just like she did to me years ago.

Also you have to consider when she goes out - she stays with her friends 100 miles away so anything could be going on.

I want the same rules for each of us.

Its not on to say my man isnt allowed to talk to women and if has only been out once in our entire relationship with me
AND
I can talk to loads of guys and I go out at least once a month while my man is at home asleep.

[nathansmart]

Hi michelle23

She is 100% not a cheat -her background means that trust is very important.

I just guess shes getting a big kick out of being flirted with and having a nite out away something I could NEVER have.

[nathansmart]

michelle23 we are married already.

WE have a good marriage - but these double standards annoy me

[overanxious]

the fact your woman is so paranoid could mean she is a cheat. people who are THAT insecure and untrusting normally have something to hide

that could be true and possible....or maybe she was cheated on before??

my ex didnt have many close female friends..most of her friends were guys...although she didnt see them when we were together she chatted with them via text

but i remember how she acted in the presence of most of female friends.....ones she knew liked me more than just "friends"...one time we were out having a good time and this girl was around "who is that girl....she keeps looking over here....you think shes pretty dont you"....she then found out that girl had once told me if things didnt work out for me that i should talk to her....and she flipped...chugged her drink ordered another one chugged it and went up and said something rude to her and stormed out....my ex hated me going out with friends without her....although she never really went out with friends much without me....one time i went out to eat with a close female friend(who was engaged) to sort of seek out some advice and talk to her about problems in our relationship....she flipped when she found out "oh she has a bunch of friends who want you...i bet she told you to break up with me " blah blah.....nope just seeking out someone i trust and her advice.....which was nothing like my ex thought ....meanwhile i told her that any guy thats talking to her isnt talking to you because they want to be great friends...its because deep down theyd love to win you and get in your pants.....she once told me that one of her male friends "doesnt like you"...i said "huh? geez i wonder why...ive never even met this guy"...lolol

[Wakeup]

I think you two have a lot of growing to do. Chances are you'll separate well before you mature as happy, angst-free partners. Personally, I couldn't stand the jail time you've both commiteed one another to.

[lalalita]

Hi lalalita. I really appreciate your response.

Yes She has double standards - She says I wasnt allowed to have female company because she was insecure . I believe she is not going to speak to men again when she goes out but I have to confront her and get this confirmed before she goes away again this weekend just s she knows how serios I am. THe great thing is that this time I get to use all the arguments she used on me against her. After all the idea of not speaking the opposite sex is all her idea. Now since I dont go out and never get the opportunity to speak to anyone else I am going to enforce that rule on her. Seeing as she goes out a lot and has many male friends, this will have a big impact on her fun i believe. She Tells me IF a guy pays her a compliment she will thank him and be nice..to me that means a guy hit on her and she will chat to him and flirt and have a laugh (hence it's a lot of fun) . Considering I was told if a women chats to me i need to tell them to get lost as they have only 1 thing on their mind, this means It's a complete double standard.

I do entirely trust her but I feel she should really taste her own medicine at it was unreasonable. I used to have many female friends and was made to loose them all. My next step will be to remove any males from her phone and facebook just like she did to me years ago.

Also you have to consider when she goes out - she stays with her friends 100 miles away so anything could be going on.

I want the same rules for each of us.

Its not on to say my man isnt allowed to talk to women and if has only been out once in our entire relationship with me
AND
I can talk to loads of guys and I go out at least once a month while my man is at home asleep.

I understand where you're coming from. It's very easy to feel spiteful when being treated unfairly. I think certain things can work for people in relationships - If one partner is very insecure for whatever reason, I think it's fine to set boundaries within reason to help the relationship go smoothly if you're both very much committed...that is...if it goes for BOTH parties.

Does she hold double standards in other areas of your relationship? Like, saying you need to stop spending so much money so you too can save...and then she goes off on a shopping spree. (Just an example)

[Am I crazy?]

Because we all know it is common knowledge that if a woman is speaking to another man it means that she wants to have sex with them or start an emotional affair. You should probably put a ball gag in her mouth before she goes out and make her wear a titanium chastity belt. then hire a butch female body guard to follow her everywhere she goes. that should keep her faithful. Or, sigh, you could just trust her.

[michelle23]

this is not a good start to married life and will likely just get worse. shes too insecure. sorry but i personal think she would benefit from therapy. it sounds like she has no trust in you which makes me wonder why she married you and now your trying to get back at her which will likely just make the situation worse