I just can't get myself to break up with him

[hour_glass]

I love him way too much and it'd absolutely kill me to not have him anymore.
But...
I have been wanting to talk about several issues for a while now, but he's been putting it off.
My boyfriend and I sort of talked yesterday - it was really just an argument though - and pretty much anything I tried to say he'd label as "stupid" or "ridiculous", and ignored me until I started talking again. It started out by him saying in a few months he's going to have his dog sleeping on the bed... and I said, "Okay, well I'm going to sleep somewhere else then." I am NOT sleeping with a dog every single night. I don't even like doing that with cats, and I love cats.
All he ever talks about is how amazing and perfect his dog is - he's a total goofball that always gets into trouble and messes things up. I mean, I like him, but he slobbers everywhere (leaves water all over the floor because he hasn't quite figured out how to completely swallow all of it), jumps up on you, bites you for no reason, steals EVERYTHING, barks loudly at any living thing he sees, and smells horrible (way worse than cats). This isn't the dog's fault, not at all. But my boyfriend refuses to believe that he's less than perfect. Any time that his dog does something like - bites me, tries to steal my shoe, jumps on me - I am firm and say "NO" a few times until he stops, and my boyfriend gets mad at me!! UGH! But then he tells me I need to be more aggressive or else his dog will walk all over me. So I'm completely confused about what he wants! He says that he loves being around his dog more because he doesn't stress him out and b*tch at him like I do! NO DUH, he's a dog!
I think a big thing about it might be because I do not have a job yet. He seemed really harsh when talking about that, as if it's my choice to be hired somewhere. He actually tells me where and where not to apply to! He's extremely picky! Then he turns around and tells ME not to be picky... I don't have a ton of experience, so obviously I'm not going to apply for a manager or supervisor position, when I can't even get a job as a cashier.
I've applied to like a billion places since I've moved in. How many applications as he sent in in his entire life? THREE.
I basically spilled out everything that's been bothering me. He tells me that I stress him out... How? No idea. I really don't do much but try to heal our relationship anymore, and he just pushes me away consistently. He doesn't have any consideration for me, EVERYTHING is more important than me and our relationship to him, especially his dog. He says I'm too immature for this! UM? That's exactly what I was thinking about him! I'm not the one who has an animal as my first priority and my boyfriend as last! He's not even making an effort anymore and that's all I ever do!
Yet after all of this he didn't break up with me, and I told him that I am honestly thinking of doing it if things don't get better. I came back home (up where I used to live) today and I'm staying here for another day or so. I took him to his work this morning and things seemed okay, he gave me a few kisses and hugs when we parted, and last night HE made the first move to be physically affectionate while we were in bed. SO. Maybe things will change.. I don't know. I was extremely cold towards him in bed (much colder than I usually am - wasn't facing him or looking at him, my voice was sharp and to the point). And he seems like he is afraid of breaking up, especially since he initiated the affection.
I asked if he would be open to couples therapy and he said absolutely not...

[michelle23]

how long have you been together? when did you move in?

the reality is most people LOVE and adore their pet unconditionally and literally see no wrong in them. my boxer dog used to be a right f**ker (shes old now and well behaved) but in her younger days she was a nutcase-shed rugby tackle me by accident (big and awkward lunatic whos half blind), shed slobber everywhere, leave hair everywhere, eat everything in site (she still does that), she even ate freaking stones once and i had to bring her to the vet, she bounced on the trampoline-fell off, did the splits, nearly broke her legs (again another trip to the vets) but we love her, i go all mushy everytime i see her and talk to her like shes a baby. even when she ate the christmas ham and a whole tin of sweets- she was forgiven.

i think you should go easy on his pet. i agree he shouldnt be sleeping in the bed. its unhygenic and youll both need to discuss that.

it sounds like there is a breakdown n communication between both of you, your both defensive and seeing everything each of you says as an attack. you need to approach issues in a calmer way.

example: dont say "your stupid dog is not sleeping in our bed" say "im really uncomfortable with that, i know you love him but i feel that it should just be you and me in our bed, it will kill the romance"

running away doesnt solve anything. you both need to talk calmly and learn to speak to each other with more respect. learn how to use "i" statements instead of you

example: i feel very upset when im yelled at or called stupid" instead of "you make me feel like crap" does that make sense?

[michelle23]

with the job situation-ask him nicely to stay out of it and keep applying. stop applying online. walk into a place, ask to speak to the manager, give him/her your cv and ask them are they currently looking for anyone. youll stand out much more in their mind and dress to impress.

also talk yourself up-say i know im young and inexperienced but im a fast learner and i wouldnt let you down. im hungry for work and able to start straight away etc

[michelle23]

it sounds like your in a power struggle right now OP. take this as a warning. if you both dont learn now how to resolve issues and conflict in a healthy manner-your relationship wont last.

he keeps saying you bitch and nag him right? which means you need to find a better way to get your point across without it sounding like an attack. then he may start to listen, stop being defensive and see things from your point of view.

im not saying this is your fault-your both as bad as each other but one of you needs to make the first move to resolve this situation. remember why you love him, remind him of how great he is sometimes. men need praise sometimes just like that dog of his needs a pat on the head. show your affection

sometimes two people focus too much on all the little unimportant crap. whats important is you love each other, you both want it to work so make it happen

best of luck

[Wakeup]

Whats going to happen if you too stay together and one day have kids? It's very important that you're both on the same page when it comes to training and dicipline and rules that are implemented in order to raise your young one's to be decent citizens of this world... that goes for your dog(s) too so instead of bumping heads, why not work as a team here and come up with a plan that you both will adhere to when it comes to said training/dicipline/rules. That should work out the dog problem in no time at all.. Instead of couples councelling, maybe the two of you would do better at dog obedience classes.

Once you start to learn to work together as a team, you'll learn to appreciate one another instead of being demeaning and/or indifferent and dog training classes would be just the ticket that would open both your eyes as to how a team works together which is conducive to harmony and appreciation of one another Your instructor will feel free to let either of you know when one is undoing any good the other has done with the dog. Almost like couples councelling.

[TLe]

Maybe Cesar Millan can help and retrain his dog

"I was extremely cold towards him in bed (much colder than I usually am - wasn't facing him or looking at him, my voice was sharp and to the point)"

That is not a good thing to do I think. He should know that you are always affectionate towards him, even though you are having some conflicts.

[Valixy]

Being financially independent is very important in and for a relationship. You're only 19 years old and doing everything you can to get a job but you should become aware that most of the relationships would suffer in a way or another when a partner becomes financially dependant on the other one for too long. This doesn't give him the right to be disrespectful and to take you for granted though. Once you have a job the dynamics of the relationship will change but he also needs to become aware of certain things and change his attitude towards you or you'll end up feeling totally disconnected from him and no-one could blame you for that.

It might be good for you to take some time on your own like you're doing now, living at your old place, concentrate on finding a job and start living for yourself a little bit. He needs to start respecting you again, feel that he has to win you still, miss you and maybe you being on your own, succeeding to find a job, becoming independant again and very important, not being always available for him, might make all this happen.

P.S. Continue studying if you can, it will give you so much confidence in the future and make your life nicer and easier. Don't rush into a full time relationship until you've become who you want to be.