Will it push him away even farther if I tell him I love him?

[emmmz]

What does it mean if try to get back with my ex and he doesn't want and basically tells me that I'll find another guy and doesn't care about losing me as his friends with benefits friends and then I remain friends with him anyway and he does little things and says little things that kind of shows me mixed signals that he likes me more than just a friend or might still have feelings and then he doesn't talk or try to contact me for over a month and when I send him messages on Facebook saying I miss him and want to see him, he completely ignores me? We got drunk one night and I told him a lot of things that basically mean that I love him and he was saying things back to me that basically meant he still had feelings but I don't know if he said certain things because of how drunk I was he didn't want to make me really upset or start to cry, or If he said them because he really meant it? But ever since then he's being acting distant with me like as if he doesn't wanna talk to me or see me... I'm so confused, we would see each other he always seemed really happy to see me and would tell me and when we would sleep together he would always tell me how good and how much he liked it and like he couldn't get enough of it...and he would talk to me often on Facebook or text me and now all of sudden it's like I don't even exist?

I love him so much and I want to tell him and explain my feelings but It's already bad enough that he's ignoring me, do you think he will continue to ignore me if I tell him how I really feel? I don't want to push him away, but I feel like I need to tell him how I feel and stop holding everything in.... Should I say it and how should I say it? ( I would most likely have to say it by msg on Facebook since he lives far and is ignoring me, I can't just show up at his place anytime, but I would like to tell him in real, should I tell him that I want to talk to him about something face to face first before I actually say anything?)

*Oh and also, after the night we got really drunk and I was laying on him and holding him and saying things like "i'm gonna miss you, I don't want you to go to jail, I don't want you to leave, please stay, are you gonna miss me?" and he replied back saying things like "Yes I'll miss you" and when I said "you're gonna miss me, or just the s*x?" and he said "no i'll miss you emotionally, physically, mentally" and I was so drunk I don't remember what I saw after that but basically I said something that made him say "But we can't really have a relationship if i'm going to jail" -- Okay I know that what he said is not a good thing, but it made me feel hopeful in a way that maybe he might still have feelings because in the past when I brought up about being in a relationship again he would say straight out "no sorry" or "we tried it didn't work and I don't want to hurt you anymore" or "no you'll find the right guy" -- But once he said that it's like he wasn't saying no that he just didn't want, he was using a valid excuse why... If you know what I mean? Okay but here's the thing, the next day he was acting distant like he didn't want anything to do with me, he ignored me for a few days so then I sent him a long message on Facebook asking "what your problem is and why you're ignoring me and that you should start treating me like a real friend and I've done so much for you and payed a 500$ cellphone bill for you, you should respect me and if you don't want to be my friend you can pay me back to 500$ because I don't pay bills for random people who don't even wanna talk to me and if you ignore me i'll get your parents involved because I want my money back if you're really going to treat me like this, it's not fair." and he replied back saying that basically he wasn't ignoring me and at the end he wrote "and it's not that you puked on the floor that bothered me, it's that you kept making allusions that you loved me and then there you want me to treat you as a friend it's really confusing" -- After he wrote that I was thinking that he meant he didn't want to be my friend anymore because he knew I had feelings and didn't want to like get involved but the thing is that about 1 week after he wrote that I was at a bar, his friends were there and offered me a place to stay, I said yes and went back with them, when I got there he was there and saw me and i was sulking because i was upset about how he was ignoring me and he got mad and said "why are you asking like that, you're not even happy to be here, but i'm happy see you..what is your problem?" and we kind of started arguing but he told me he was happy to see me and he hugged me and said "i'm really sorry I know I wasn't okay with you" and it was a really long hug. -- The message he wrote I didn't get to talk about it because I only saw it after that, and since then I haven't seen him and he's been ignoring my messages. But now i'm confused about the message, it seems like he was telling me it's hard to be my friend but then 1 week after that he's basically telling me he's happy to see me and hugging me...I wish I saw that message before so that I could of talked about it when I saw him but now that he's ignoring me I don't know what the think anymore...

Thank you for the help

[basilandthyme]

Emmmz, you're sounding extremely desperate. And YES that will push him away. As a general rule, guys respect women who have self respect. This includes having boundaries of what you will and won't accept from a man....and having the self esteem to walk away from a guy who's treating her badly.

I suggest you stop chasing him and start showing some boundaries and self respect. Tell him that you are ending contact and that you only want to hear from him IF he

a) isn't going to jail; and
b) changes his life so that he's no longer doing criminal things; and
c) wants a relationship with you; and
c) addresses any issues which ended the relationship in the first place.

Think about it this way: what do you think is more attractive? A desperate, begging ex-girlfriend who pukes on the floor? Or a girl who has some self respect, and will only accept the best from herself and her man

[emmmz]

I tried that in the past and it didn't work. I'm sorry but please don't tell me to "move on" or to stop contacting him because I love him and I wont even give up, not matter what.

But thanks anyway for the answer