Generally I would like to think we (me [28 Male] and her [27 Female]) have a pretty good and happy relationship this past 5 years. We have our ups and down but I would like to think that is normal in any relationship, most of the time we're both happy.
Here's the background. I proposed to her last year on our fifth anniversary, and ever since we've been planning and preparing for our wedding which we scheduled at the end of this year which would take place at our Home country. Also I'm an IT / Techie guy who likes to modify/create his own stuff, this would be related later.
We're both foreign workers here in Europe. She quit her job so she could go back to our home country and prepare for our wedding there and to talk to her parents about our plans. She went back home last April, I can't go with her cause of my work I have limited amount of vacation time which I would like to use in our wedding and honeymoon.
We both talked to our respective parents, her parents didn't take it well because of religion. They would only accept a man of the same faith as they are or its better she didn't get married at all in her lifetime. She was told that if she continued with this she would get disowned, there were a couple of fights and a lot of shouting from her parents. We expected this already and have talked about it countless times. I know this is hard on her and I wish I was there to support and comfort her. She got her own place so she won't have to stay with her parents house. She took a job as well so she would have some income to pay for her expenses, I told her she doesn't have to work and offered to support her while she prepares our wedding but she won't accept any money from me until we get married.
We were handling it well for a month or so, initially she was having a hard time adjusting to her new place and to her new work. I told her she doesn't have to do any wedding related stuff until she is fully adjusted in her new environment. And I adjusted my time so I would be available when she's awake and when she needs to talk to me. In the last 3 - 4 weeks our communication started to be less frequent. Previously we would talk daily, she would tell me things about her day, her work, she would tell me in advance if she would go out with her old friends or her new friends from work, etc. But on the last 3 - 4 weeks, our talk become less and less, when she gets home she would just tell me she is tired and she would like to sleep and our talk would stop there, and when she went out with her new friends from work I would know about it a day or two later. She has more new guy friends from work than ladies. Generally I have no problem with it, as long as I know about it I am okay with it. Since she's new to her place she seldom cooks food, and would regularly eat out with her new work friends either some of the guys or with the ladies. This happens pretty regularly for breakfast before going to work and before going home.
On the last two weeks, she completely stops telling me about when she goes out with friends or not, if I don't ask her she would not tell me. I got this feeling that maybe there is something going on here now, why is she being distant and most of the time I could feel that its like a hassle for her to even talk to me. I asked her if there is something wrong, if there is something I could do to help. She just told me she is tired and stressed from work. We moved from talking daily to talking to certain days and time only.
One night it was our scheduled time to talk, but she was not online and not she's not answering my calls. I got worried maybe something happened on her way back home. She lives near her workplace its a 15mins brisk walk or a 30mins leisure walk. It's 3 hours past the time she's normally home and I still can't get hold of her. So I searched online if there is a way I could track her phone, I found out about "Find My iPhone" that same night. This is the first time I am using this app, but I regularly used iPhone GPS when I drive and its been accurate for me all the time. I know her Apple ID account and the password she's using.. Just to put it out there **we have an open book policy** where we know each other accounts username and password for everything we use online. I can honestly tell you I haven't open any of her accounts without her knowing before hand and the only time I opened it was because she asked me too to show me something, until that night that is. "Find my iPhone" app was able to locate her iPhone, it showed that her iPhone was in a bar far from here own place. From my experience with the iPhone GPS and first time using this app I readily believe this was accurate. I tried calling her a couple more times that night but there was no answer still. I gave up and tried to sleep but I couldn't, a couple of hours just laying in bed she called me saying that she went home was so tired and immediate fall sleep. I didn't tell her about me tracking her, but I checked again on the "Find my iPhone" app and its showing that her iPhone is in a different location but not in a bar this time, I asked her to take a picture for me showing her with some background of her room and she did and yes she is indeed at home even when the "Find my iPhone" is showing here in a different location. I think she suspected that I am tracking her but she didn't say anything.
2 days after the "Find my iPhone" incident she told me out of the blue that she is not sure anymore about marrying me and she don't know why. She told me this before she gets to work and since its nearly time for her work she had to cut it short. I didn't hear back from her for 4 days, she's not answering my calls, no reply on emails/sms/anything.
I was confused, afraid, and angry at the same time with some other negative emotions mixed in.. I keep asking her for an answer but no reply at all. At this time I was desperate to know what is happening, even if the answer is bad I would take it as long as there is an answer to why this is happening.. I opened and checked ALL her online accounts from Facebook, Gmail, YouTube, Twitter, Apple account (which contains her synced iPhone Address book) and even her Google Web Search history. I opened it to search for answers to why this is happening. I didn't find much really but there was a search on her Facebook about this certain guy, I remembered that she mentioned him as one of her new friends from work before. Why this stand out is she didn't add any of her new friends from her new work and she didn't do any search for them either except for this certain guy. After I got this guys name I checked her Apple account and there it was a contact profile of this guy on her address book, and her other new friends from work (aside from one lady that she hangouts with regularly) is not on her address book at all. That is all that I found out and a Google search on certain hotel rates near her work place.
After 4 days of no contact she called me and she told she's really sorry this is happening to us. She told me her parents have been calling her and laying a guilt trip on her to try to stop our plans. They change their tactics from using force to using guilt. She also told me she's not that excited anymore with the wedding and she don't know why. She's confuse but she's willing to work it out. I decided to not tell her what I found out about the guy and just bury it and forget about it. I decided to focus on our relationship and make it work. It was going well for 3 days we're like back to our normal self. I should have stopped looking at her facebook account at that time but at the back of my mind there is a small doubt. On the 3rd day I logged into her facebook account and I saw that she searched for this guy again. I confronted her about it and told her about the hotel searches too. She told me that she was only searching for the guys profile account to get some of their group pics from work, they recently had an office event and she was looking for pics this guy took. And as for the hotels, she was searching it for us. The condo we bought won't be ready on our wedding day, and the place she's staying out now doesn't allow another person to stay with her, and my own place is very far from her work, that is why she is checking if we could afford to just stay in a hotel until the condo is ready.
She is understandably angry that I invaded her privacy like that. That I even looked at her Google web search history, address book, and I even tracked her via GPS. She felt betrayed and that I violated her privacy. She's afraid of what I could do, she doesn't feel safe anymore. I told her I've only done it once this whole 5 years we're together and that is when she was not answering me for 4 days after saying something heartbreaking, I was confused as hell as well and I don't know what's happening between us at that time. I was mad, confused, and not thinking straight..
I know what I did is wrong, I tried apologizing to her for 4 days now but with no real progress. We're only talking via SMS now, she's not even answering her phone anymore and sometimes she's turning it off. The last time we talked in SMS (which was last night) she told she would accept my apology but she's not sure if we could go back to before. And she's scared of me, that I hacked her (She knows I am really good with computers, I could get password off encrypted files. Most of my work are done online I regularly do security checks on different type of servers so she knows I know how to bypass security. I'm not that good but I know enough. So this is fueling her paranoia of me. She already changed all her passwords btw.) She also called me a stalker I asked her if she would like to break of the engagement, she told me she's not sure yet. She can't see any type of future right now, she can't even see 1 week ahead of today.
I know I messed up big time. I don't want to lose her. What can I do to get her back? What can I do to fix this relationship? I don't know what to do anymore.. Can't even function well at work. Too stressed and exhausted for weeks now. Please help.
**TL;DR** Proposed to my 5 year GF, she accepts and went back home to our home country to prepare for our wedding, her parents does not agree of our union because of religion. I ****ed up big time by violating her privacy online due to lack of communication. Can't think straight anymore, need help on how I could possibly fix this.