This Crush is Killing Me!

[ScorpioGirl]

There’s a guy that I’ve been crushing on for 4 years. We started out as acquaintances who would see each other about once a week or so, but have recently become closer friends (I prefer not to say how/why). We’re still not “good” friends, more like just casual friends. Our interactions are usually nothing more than talking and harmless joking, sometimes he initiates an sometimes I do. Initially I had no clue what his status was, but eventually I learned that he is indeed married. Last year I actually met his wife and she’s the type of person who’s hard to dislike. She’s very sweet. This guy has NEVER made a move on nor has he led me on. He’ll mention his wife in conversation so it’s not at all like he’s trying to have an affair on her or that he’s trying to hide her from me. Before I knew he was married I had already had a crush on him. My feelings for him just kind of developed as I got to know him and got to see his personality. He’s a very kind, respectful guy and he has an amazing sense of humor. If he wasn’t married I could totally see myself having a future with him, but since he’s married I know I/we cannot cross that line.

Now. I have so many emotions running through my head and I’m having a very hard time getting over him. I just can’t get him out of my head. I know he’s happily married, but I honestly feel he is the one for me. Again, I’m well aware he’s married so I’m not going to act on it and based on his actions so far he would not do anything to jeopardize his marriage either. I just can’t see myself with anyone else at this point and it’s killing me knowing I can’t be with him. Quite frankly, he’s perfect and I don’t want anyone else. I don’t know what to do.

I’ve had several crushes in the past, but this is by far the strongest. It’s literally suffocating me. I’m having a hard time doing day to day things without just day dreaming about it. It probably sounds beyond pathetic, I know, but it’s true. How the heck am I supposed to get over him? How do I move on? How do I get him out of my head?

[basilandthyme]

Oh, the pain of a crush. I remember it well.

Just a couple of facts. 1st, he's NOT the one for you because he's married. 2nd, he's not perfect - nobody is perfect.

The best thing you can do is pull right back from your friendship with him. Avoid seeing him and talking to him when possible. No Facebook chats. If there is an occasion where you do have to see him, limit it to when others are around. You'll find that the crush will fade if you don't feed it.

[smackie9]

Go out and start dating.....it's pretty easy to transfer those emotions onto someone else. Start off by getting some girlie friends together and tear up a dance floor somewhere.

[Sparkling]

Get over him.He's married,moved on.

[ScorpioGirl]

Oh, the pain of a crush. I remember it well.

Just a couple of facts. 1st, he's NOT the one for you because he's married. 2nd, he's not perfect - nobody is perfect.

The best thing you can do is pull right back from your friendship with him. Avoid seeing him and talking to him when possible. No Facebook chats. If there is an occasion where you do have to see him, limit it to when others are around. You'll find that the crush will fade if you don't feed it.

Ok, so I know technically speaking he's not perfect. I didn't mean it in that sense. I mean to me he is perfect. He's so courteous and respectful. He's funny and smart. He has a great personality. Basically everything I've ever wanted in a guy he has that's why I said that I felt he is the one for me. He's my dream guy. Getting over him will be hard, but I know I have to figure out how to do it somehow. He is taken. I understand that. I don't want to cause him or his wife any grief. I don't think he sees me as anything more than a friend anyway so I don't think it would ever come to that. This is 100% my problem and I understand that. I just can't figure out how to move on from him when I have such suffocating thoughts about him.

Unfortunately, I can't just stop interactions with him. Can't say why, but there is a reason. Thankfully though we are never together one on one. There are always other people around.

Go out and start dating.....it's pretty easy to transfer those emotions onto someone else. Start off by getting some girlie friends together and tear up a dance floor somewhere.

That's an idea. Girl's night out sounds good right about now.

Get over him.He's married,moved on.

Don't you think if it were that easy for me I would've done it by now? Maybe you're lucky in that you have emotions that you can flip a switch on. I do not.

[jbruced]

Hello, the feelings you have are perfectly natural. The question is do you believe that there is a divine arrangement for you with a guy that is not just perfect for you but also available. Sometimes it is possible that you have had feelings for other men, even back to your Dad where the man wasn't available. Sometimes it is possible that it is easier to have an infatuation with a man that is not available so that you do not have to deal with a real relationship, one-on-one. This is a way to avoid intimacy with the man that is right for you. Check out Meetup.com and spend time with different men, without the need to settle down. Find out if you are truly clear on what you want in a man, and that you are only willing to settle for a man that is fully available to you, and into you as well. Fantasy relationships can keep you distracted from meeting the man that is available.
Be well.
Jb

[ScorpioGirl]

jbruced, what you're saying makes sense. The problem I have, well one problem anyway, is that I'm an incredibly shy person and I feel very awkward in social situations. It takes me a long time to really open to people. This guy I've known for years and I'm at the point now where I feel 100% comfortable with him. He's always been a perfect gentleman and I love being around him. The thought of having to start all over again with someone new kind of terrifies me for some reason. I've fallen for this guy... hard! Getting over him will be even harder.

I'll look into that meetup site. Sounds pretty interesting.