I’ve found myself in a situation difficult to move on from. Any advice and help is appreciated.
I am 42, never married.
6 years ago I met a lovely lady from Italy (now 41) and over those years we have on three attempts tried to live together, in both our native countries - but without success. Reasons of failure are down to us as individuals unable to settle in to the others country and not able to find work.
Before, during and after those attempts to live together and recent family issues we have met and stayed together for short periods, our relationship kept alive with those short stays of one week or so, and at all other times by communication over the internet.
After our last attempt last summer 2012 when she came to live with me she returned home 3 months later and in all manner of words it felt as though we had split up – it was difficult and I thought it over and I became quite depressed and sought personal counseling, which I must admit helped make me feel more positive about it. We have met once since then.
Over these six years we have grown to know each other very well and have shared every thought and supported one another through difficult times.
Early this year though something unexpected happened: I became friends with another woman from work (29) , purely friends then, only to find we had a lot in common, we really ‘clicked’ and to find each other in good company.
Before our friendship deepened I told the lady from work of my situation with said Italian lady, I have been totally honest with her and she understood; I have not told my long known partner in Italy of this. After some meetings we became physically attracted to each other: we have held hands and kissed (some passionate kissing) but nothing more. This has been going on for a couple of months.
Now the Italian lady wants to try again and return to me here this summer. Had I not met the lady from work I would have tried another time but right now I feel confused and anxious like I did last year. Because of this anxiety I have told the lady from work we cannot continue as we were.
The anxiety could be because of one or more of these:
• I brought this situation on myself (guilt),
• Because I told the lady from work we cannot continue and now I find myself missing her.
• I feel anxious in that if I were to change my mind and stop the relationship with the Italian lady I will feel guilt because I abandoned her for some one else –
• However, I am anxious on another attempt living together with the Italian lady will result in failure.
I hate to cause hurt to anyone.