Is he interested in me or just sex? I can't tell!

[anwa]

I met a guy through an online dating site. He sent me an email saying I sounded "incredibly sweet" and asked me a couple questions indicating he read my profile (wow, right?). I responded and asked to give me info about himself. He said he had a degree, was an optimist and was in a good place in his life, handsome and charming and then asked to meet me. I asked what he liked to do for fun and stuff like that and for a picture. He sent a picture but didn't answer my questions. After a day or two of emailing back and forth I agreed to meet him at the coffee shop across the street from my house (I live with my parents).

We met during the weekday in the late morning. We seemed to hit it off though I couldn't get much about himself out of him. I asked him what he did for a living and said he worked kind of like a freelancer and worked at night. He said that's when his mind works the best for work and that he stares at a computer screen. He didn't elaborate what he actually DID. He seemed to have me pretty figured out by that first meeting and I gave quite a bit of info about myself (doh! I always do that!) to which he said at one point, "I am someone you should know." Two hours after meeting he drove me home.

I texted him the next day as I hadn't heard from him yet asking if he wanted to see each other again. He said "definitely, maybe watch tv together." We made plans for him to come over my house the next day. He came over in the afternoon after I got off work. We sat on the couch and made out. He wanted to go further but I wouldn't let him. He left about 2 hours later saying "I have people I meet". He was dressed professionally that day and had said he'd been all over meeting various people but still didn't elaborate on what he did for a living. Like, what kind of business do you do?? Anyway, we texted each other over the next day or two (I prefer texting over talking on the phone, btw. I'm shy with that). I asked him when could we meet again and could it be on his turf this time? He confessed that he lived with his family as well and it wouldn't work out for me to come over to his house. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said "finish what we started the other day." I didn't want to just have a hook up so I asked him if he was interested and wasn't interested in just sex. He said he was interested in me so we made plans for him to come over to my house again on Friday. Again, it was in the afternoon. He came over and we talked in my room, then had sex, then talked some more and he left about 3 hours later. Both times he came over we kissed and hugged before leaving and one time he gave me a "goal for the week" which was about something we talked about in conversation previously. I asked him what he did on the weekends hoping we could hang out then and he said "I have school on Saturdays". I thought that sucks but oh well I understand being busy... he would text me on saturday nights saying he was tired and had a long day so I didn't really think anything of it. Then a week went by after those first 3 hang outs. We texted every day for a little bit but some times he'd drop the conversation when I was expecting a response from him.

We made plans to see eachother on Monday...but on Sunday I asked him to come hang out with me and he said "oh and have dinner with your parents. sounds awesome." in a sarcastic tone. I said "no i asked you to hang out with me and why is it so hard to say Hi I'm (so-and-so) nice to meet you" and leave? Takes less than a minute and they want to know who is coming over to their house." He ignored that the rest of the evening. The next day I ask "are you still coming over today?" he said "oh I thought you were mad at me" and proceeds to tell me his car was broken down. I offer to pick him up so we could hang out somewhere to which he said no. The next day I ask how his car was doing and could I pick him up to hang out? again he said no. So... a week and a half has gone by without seeing each other and no real plans to see each other and I wasn't allowed to pick him up. I ask "are you interested in me or should I date someone else?" he said "I have been busy. Don't let me keep you from seeing other people." so I took that as he wasn't really interested so I told him "good luck with your future" and stopped contacting him.

I went out on a date with another guy the next week and also heard from my ex... I had no intentions of hearing from this guy again. A week and a half goes by and last night (saturday) I get a text from him asking how I was doing? We have a conversation basically catching up. I tell him about my date and my ex (he asked me to tell him about it). I ask him if he's dating anyone and he says no. He asks if that was the only date I went on and I said yes (which is true-plus told him it was a dud..which is true). So I ask him "do you want to go out on another date or are you too busy for that?" he responds "id like you see you again yeah". So I say "when are you free?" he says monday. I said Im off work at 2pm and he says really? then what about tuesday? I tell him I'm off work tuesday. He says "perfect. I'll text you tuesday then." (i told him right before that that I was running low on texts for the month.)

So... my questions are... Is he really interested in me or does he just want to have sex with me? He says he's interested but doesn't give me a whole lot of info on himself and doesn't want me to pick him up to hang out and won't hang out outside of my house on nights and weekends. It just seems strange to me. I'd like some insight about this. He's 30 and I'm 35. My guy friend just says "he's weird." lol which doesn't help me much. Help! I don't want to be used...

[michelle23]

you have already been used darling. read back over what you wrote. see how desperate you sound? babe im all for equality and women not being afraid to ask a guy out but seriously! you have been doing ALL the work. its obvious this guy only wants sex. he was way too forward. f a guy came onto me like that on a first or second date-he would never hear from me again but you still went ahead and had sex with him..

it wouldnt surprise me if hes married or in a relationship. he works "nights" but wouldnt say what he does, hes away on weekends with friends. ya right-prob at home with wifey and a couple of kids during those times and pretends to her that hes working when hes with you.

you have been played big time and you have desperate doormat written all over you. stop being so damn naive. you shouldnt have let him even kiss you till youd met a few of his friends, been to his home etc. this is a random stranger you met online... silly girl

[4 ratties]

Omg this guy sounds totally married!! He can't hangout in the evenings... Or weekends... He can't hang out routinely, it's all over the place when he has "free time" I bet money this guy is married and I never
Think that. Just
A huge vibe from reading your story

[anwa]

This guy sounds like he's married... How old is he?

Hes 30...im 35. He does not seem to be married. Not really the type. He says he lives with his parents.



If he was out with friends or married/in a relationship then why is he texting at night and on saturdays? And its my choice to text. I dunno...wouldnt a wife be suspicious of him texting a lot? And why text when there is evidence? Wouldnt he insist on calling?

[lalalita]

yikes. stop contacting this guy pronto. he doesn't sound genuine at all. won't even tell you where he works? I wouldn't be surprised if he's unemployed.

[4 ratties]

Hes 30...im 35. He does not seem to be married. Not really the type. He says he lives with his parents.



If he was out with friends or married/in a relationship then why is he texting at night and on saturdays? And its my choice to text. I dunno...wouldnt a wife be suspicious of him texting a lot? And why text when there is evidence? Wouldnt he insist on calling?

No way. Lots of cheaters text. Maybe the marriage is failing and they don't spend alot of time in the same room and that's another reason why he's out looking for someone to sleep with. Or this guy is single, living with his parents and just a bum. He just sucks at getting back to you. Either way, idk why you'd want this guy as your boyfriend

[namemyname]

He's shady as all get out, and definitely hiding quite a bit.

[michelle23]

his wife could be at work when he texts you, he could be minding kids. He said he works sitting in front of a computer? Then why was he all dressed up in a professional clothes to come and meet you and then left. He sounds narcissistic to me. He is a player. All the signs are there.

Hes distant, aloof, leaves you high and dry for days or weeks, keeping you guessing so when you finally hear from him your delighted, he has not initiated one date, waits for you to practically beg, has never taken you out anywhere on a real date but expects sex every time he sees you, very forward, disrespectful. he is using you and I bet you anything the guy is married.

Just to prove me right, follow him home next time-tail him in a friends car or get someone else to do it. I guarantee he has a wife. Id nearly bet my years wages on it. Have you typed his name into google or facebook to see what comes up?

honestly it sounds like you are so desperate to have a man you will settle for anything. Have more self respect and get rid of this guy

[TablesandChairs]

Amwa - he's secretive. You don't know where he lives (or with who). He was very forward on the second date and then basically told you he wanted to see you again so he could 'finish' what he started. Don't trust him any further and don't sleep with him again unless you're okay with it being just sex, which clearly, it is for him.

Here's a tip: when guys just want to have sex with you, they can't just come out and say it because, despite what sex and the city would have us believe, most women are not that keen on the casual sex thing. So, they might have to play a certain role...but you can always smell the insincerity. You have to learn to read people better...and not bring douches into your family home. Be wise.

[michelle23]

yes if he was decent, honest etc-he would not hesitate to answer any of your qs. His behavior is not normal OP. He wont allow you to go to his house, wont tell you what he does for a living, he always has an excuse not to meet, texts you sporadically-only when it suits him.

If you really dont want to believe us-tonight ring his phone at 3am and keep ringing it till someone answers. If a woman picks up-you will know for sure you have been played. Send him a dirty text also saying "that sex was hot" or something and hope his wife finds it..

I dont think its necessary to do that though-as it is obvious you are just being used and this guy is bad news. I think you are very naive and at your age you should have learned to spot these red flags by now.

[Wakeup]

This is more like a public service announcement to the naive and overly trusting in general because this story is a little hard to believe which I point out in the quotes below.

Whether he's married or not, he's there for the sex. All the signs were there as you know, Op but ignoredd. Do you even know his last name yet? Google it if you do, you probably can find out a chit load on him.. even if it's his primary address, you don't even know that yet do you?

For your own emotional health you shouldn't bother with him anymore. For your own sexual health, I hope you insisted he wear a rubber. For your own mental health, in future make sure you know who you're fking.

Next time don't have sex with anyone until you first do it at their house. If you tell them that you really want to do them but you have to do it where they live and they turn that down, then there's someone there (and it aint his mommy) that wouldn't like you being there. Learn from your mistakes. You're a players dream.

If he was out with friends or married/in a relationship then why is he texting at night and on saturdays?

Did you forget you told us he works nights?

Two hours after meeting he drove me home.

Did you forget you told us you met him at the coffee shop across from your house? Odd! (and rather stupid to get in a strangers car in order to be driven across the road)

(I prefer texting over talking on the phone, btw. I'm shy with that).

You won't talk to him on the phone because you're too shy to do that but you'll let his stranger penis enter you so easily? Really?

Help! I don't want to be used...

Sure ya do or you wouldn't be having sex with a complete stranger who refuse to tell you one little thing that could lead you back to the truth.