How I get over this insecurity... mistrust

[takeachance12]

So heres some background:
I have been with my boyfriend a little over 1 year... We have had many many ups and downs but something keeps me holding on. He is 13 years older then me, with an ex wife, 3 children... I have no baggage as far as children or relationships... had one previous of 3 years but it was not a significant heart break for me as I decided it was time to move on. I met him when he had NOTHING... he had a crippling job, was moving around alot and just seemed to be emotionally unstable. blah blah blah... after 6 months he landed an amazing job that has completely transformed his life financially and his happiness. BUT for us, when he had nothing, I think our love was stronger. I lost my job a few months ago and his income supports us both as we recently moved in together. Work has always been a really fullfilling thing for him... He eats,breathes,sleeps his job. I often get mad because itll feel as it is more important than me. He even cancelled a trip for our anniversary to go to work. I guess it doesnt bother me that he loves his job, just that he puts nothing in front of it.

We went through some rocky times when I first lost my job.. we constantly argued(over everything and anything), we just hit a spot where I thought my happiness was being altered because his lack of insensitivity and support. Long story short... we took a break.. literally a few days.
He went to a high school reunion one night.. ( i didnt go) and came home and kept talking about some girl who he knew looked familiar but she changed so much... I disregarded it. I never have had trust issues with him... when he is not at work, he is with me.

A few days after that, we argued and argued and eventually I packed my stuff and went to my parents house to cool off.. I dont even remember what we argued about... so 2 days went by... we texted a few times but gave eachother space... I asked him if I could see him one night and he said he was going out with his brother... again didnt think anything of it... ( I went out with my girls that night too)... The day after he calls me and were just talking about everything... i asked him where he went.. he said he went with his brother to his friend(that is a females) promotion... Shes a promo girl.... I found it weird bc he told me that he was out til 3 am...on a work night(he never would do)

I asked her name.. he told me... I then offcourse stalked this girl and added her on Fb.. she accepted me then quickly deleted me... We went to dinner with his family the next day after not seeing him now for a few days... (this is where it all goes down hill)

I read his FB messages and saw that he thanked her for the tickets he won at her promo and then said "It was great seeing you again"... they had a few messages back and forth.. then it ended... offcourse he caught me.. but his reaction was " i have nothing to hide, I did nothing wrong."

after hours and hours of interrogating... i left and we didnt speak for 7 days...
every single status he wrote, she commented on...and liked...
I went from being extremely trusting to paranoid and insecure bc all this...

He even created an IG while we were broke up and she was the only person he was following...
Do I think something happened.. NO
Do I think he showed interest... YES
things were so aweful with us at the time.

So here we are 3 months later, I know they have had no communication yet every once in a while she comments on his statuses or likes something and my emotions run wild again...

I dont know how to get back to trusting him... I asked to pls remove her from IG and FB and He will not
I dont want to be jealous or insecure anymore....

ALso.. The more I cry and badger him about this, the more I push him away... Things have been improving constantly with us but everytime she pops up its like 5 steps back...

I am a sentimental person.. he is not.. When we argue.. instead of solving the problem when it happens, he waits for me to boil up and get upset and angry and apologizes the next day...He has a big ego and is quick to push me away, i hate that

Also i cant stand the fact that there is no compromise... I usually down play my feelings bc he tells me how much i over react..
I love the man to pieces but I go through a heart ache when it goes back to those 7 days

I just want a happy, healthy relationship...can we have that again...how do I let go?


I am sure you are all saying move on but I have invested so much of myself in this relationship..and when its good... its great

[michelle23]

i dont care how much yu have "invested" in this relationship. invest it in yourself and let him go. its not working. you have only been together a year. the reason the first 6months were great is coz that was the honeymoon period. its nearly always great. now that has worn off and the cracks are beginning to show and there are a lot of them.

your just not compatable. your not gonna get your happy ever after with this man so why drag it out any longer?

hes soo much freaking baggage. i dont understand why a young woman with no responsibilities, nothing holding her back from getting everything she wants out of life would settle for a man who has an ex wife, 3kids and a whole load of emotional shite.

plus if he really cared about your feelings, he would put you first and erase that colleague who is causing nothing but problems between you. he knows how much it upsets you but is too stubborn, selfish and immature to let you get your own way this once.

im not saying theres anything going on between them-maybe he hasnt done anything wrong but if he has so little emotional intelligence that he cant see how this affects you and your relationship-then hes not worth it.

my advice: dump him, find a man your own age who has no baggage and who is ready to settle down.

one more tip: a relationship should never be this complicated, painful or stressful especially not in the first few years. if it is-it really does mean he is mr wrong

[namemyname]

I'd never be able to trust someone like this again. You had a fight, and he was all over some other girl, and trying to get things going with her within a day? Just shows how little he values you and your relationship, IMO.

[TablesandChairs]

This promo girl is probably not interested in a guy with 3 kids, an ex wife and all that drama. I think at best, she may have been flirty (as promotional models often are) and he probably enjoyed the attention. Who knows, really...but if you don't trust him, you argue all the time and he makes no compromises...maybe you two are just not on the same page.