Facebook And My Man Just Broke My Heart And I Can't Get Over It

[seadiamond]

Honestly I am shaking my head here. You have only been together 6 months and you are engaged and bought a house together? To me that is crazy. Too much, too soon. You dont even really know this man. 6 months is NOT enough time to make such major life commitments.

Now I think you had a lucky escape here. I see red flags everywhere. All these women sniffing around around trying to cause issues between you. Hes a typical player hun and I bet hes been cheating on you from day one.

You need to open your eyes and learn to spot the bad ones sooner. Dont stick your head in the clouds allow the romance to make you blind and stop making impulsive rash decisions like marriage, buying a house, kids. If a man asked me to marry him after 6 months-I would run a mile and think there is somthing wrong with him. You cant decide who your gonna spend your whole life with in 6 months and when it all happens too fast-it ends in tears.

If a man treated me like that-the way he did when his "friend" was there-he would be dumped within 3 seconds flat and I would be gone like a bullet. Im sensing doormat here

I stated, "We have only been together for 6 months." We met about a year ago. During this engagement we realized that we also met as teens (how romantic, I know). We grew up with the same friends.

My family system isn't much better than this. My dad cheated on my mom. And so the cycle continues. My head isn't in the clouds.

My eyes are open. There's no impulsiveness in my choices and you shouldn't demean me here now for sharing what I now see. It's a good thing that I was alert enough to see all of this so clearly and reach out to run this situation by a few others. I thought something was amiss but I did need to hear some feedback so I posted about all the women and his expectation that I accept it as the norm here in this forum.

I am a woman with a man who believes I should be more secure despite his weak boundaries and exploitation of females. All of this is RECENT news to me. These discoveries do not make me a doormat or a patsy.

The flurry of actions suggesting infidelity just started a month or so ago.

The house was less than $6000. Everything seemed as if it were all falling into place for him and I -- before the other women began to rally for his attention in an attempt to split us. I was simply engaged. We had no plans to have children. I can't have children. He is now, however, distraught that I'm uncomfortable in the relationship because of how my departure might effect HIS kids.

You should know that I kept my own apartment during the engagement. This morning he denied ignoring me in front of her. I AM gone in my heart. I just need to pack my things. I am not a doormat, a martyr, or any man's sacrificial lamb. I trusted.

[seadiamond]

You don't have to be the 'insecure type' in order to feel insecure; some people inspire these feelings in their partner through their actions.

I think him looking at an ex's FB page would not have been a huge issue if you felt okay in the relationship but I don't think you did. He invites women with 'crushes' on him over, he is rude to you in front of them and he seems to have a string of women on 'stand by' at all times. On top of that, he thinks it's okay to 'flirt' and lead women on just so he can get freebies? That sort of leans towards prostitution. He acts like he's single then wonders why you're insecure.

Unless you know yourself to be the insecure/jealous type, then I'd say the insecurity is caused by his actions - I think disloyalty is something we can sense from the various bits and pieces of information we absorb but ignore at the time. You guys need to have a talk but the way he treated you in front of his doctor friend/craft friend (whoever) shows a lot of disrespect.

Thanks for a clear and direct assessment of the situation. I am not at all an insecure/jealous type. I feel good about myself. At present I do feel emotionally battered. I think it's interesting how bits of data absorbed can sound the alarms. I've never been this close to a man and yet this kept at bay. He went through a horrible divorce in 2009. I realize that he still hasn't recovered in many ways. He swears he's never cheated on anyone, as if this is his passport now to act as if he's single even though he and I enter a deeper, more serious relationship. I have never felt more disrespected in my life and I thank you for validating how I was left feeling because he's certainly not doing that at all for me.

[michelle23]

I AM gone in my heart. I just need to pack my things. I am not a doormat, a martyr, or any man's sacrificial lamb. I trusted.

Well I am glad to hear that.

All I am saying is it all happened too fast. I dont agree with these shot gun romances. Never did, never will. A friend of mine met a bloke 8 months ago, she moved an hour away to be with him, took her kid outa school and moved her to a new school, now they are engaged and she is 5 months pregnant. I just think its crazy but still wish her luck.

Just learn from this experience and next time take your time

Best of luck

[Valixy]

I think that your suspicions have been correct all way long. He is a guy that enjoys receiving attention from women a little bit too much when he is in a committed relationships with somebody and he sends some strange signals to all these women that are floating around him that keep them interested. How far would he go with them? Maybe he wouldn't physically cheat on you but he does it emotionally and mentally.

He sure enjoys what you have to offer, this absolute loyalty among other things but he is incapable or unwilling to offer you the same. Do you think that you can get used to this kind of behaviour? Do you think that it will hurt you less in time? I doubt it. And the worst of all is that when he fails to understand you, like when you got upset over him looking at his ex-girlfriend's pictures and became emotionally distant and hurt, he felt rejected and instead of looking for a solution together with you, he became revengeful and humiliatesd you in front of another woman and hurt you like never before.

He either lacks emotional intelligence or he is unwilling to apply the one he has. He is selfish and relies emotionally a lot on previous partners and other women that find him attractive. If you were to continue with this man, you would need a strategy. Your first intent could be trying to make him aware of how his behaviour makes you feel: you are not being paranoid, you are feeling hurt. He should be able to get this if he speaks English. Most chances are that he will continue being selfish and not help you emotionally in any way. In that case you could try to distance yourself emotionally, focus on personal projects that make you happy or pay attention to other men too and subtly flirt with them. This kind of similar treatment should get his attention. I don't think you'd be capable of playing this game though, it's not who you are. The third option you have is to consider leaving him. You are a beautiful person that has a lot to offer and deserves an honest, sincere man that is capable of giving the same in a relationship as you do, and this exists.

Since he chose to simply end things with you, and I find this very selfish and immature from his part, you should be strong now. Whenever you're ready, start living your life again and simply go no contact. This kind of men cannot be pursued into a relationship or after a break-up. He would simply go the easy way, enjoying the attention but doing no substantial inner search on trying to understand what happened and where his responsibility lies. Do not transform this into a war either, have strength and dignity and do what is best for yourself. With or without him, you will be happy again.

[seadiamond]

Vilaxy, thank you! I deeply appreciate you spelling out all of my options now. You understand what is going on. I don't want to lose myself. I was humiliated. I used to be so loving to him. I am so surprised he chuck all of that just to fortify his ego with other women.

Oh. He just admitted to being flirtatious to get his teeth done. I asked him if I could call him a tooth whore. He said yes I can and added that I wouldn't have dated him if he was toothless.

I won't transform this into a war. I know he's wrong.

Thank you.

Oh wow.

[Valixy]

He's probably very charming but he uses women for stroking his male ego as you said and for personal objectives... He is actually a little person in compare to your decent beautiful self...This is the truth. Keep this in mind no matter what. Good luck!

[michelle23]

yes hun your too good for him. i hope your singing *these boots are made for walking and thats just what theyl do*

[seadiamond]

Well I am glad to hear that.

All I am saying is it all happened too fast. I dont agree with these shot gun romances. Never did, never will. A friend of mine met a bloke 8 months ago, she moved an hour away to be with him, took her kid outa school and moved her to a new school, now they are engaged and she is 5 months pregnant. I just think its crazy but still wish her luck.

Just learn from this experience and next time take your time

Best of luck

I understand your point of view. It's just that he jumped into my life when I really needed a friend and then did a great job of being there for me. I fell in love and trusted swiftly. I was vulnerable. My mom was ill. I had just been ripped off, too. I didn't realize his "issues" were so extensive. I just feel lucky that I had all of you here to examine the problems I was encountering in this fairly new relationship. Thank you...!

[namemyname]

Would you stay in touch, or feel the need to stay in touch with a prior sex partner, even if you were about to marry? May I ask your age?

Yes. When I was living with my last bf of 3 years, I still would occasionally exchange an email or text with an old flame.

It's not about "feeling the need", it's about the fact that I wasn't doing anything improper in catching up with an old BF, and my current BF knew that, and wasn't insecure. He understood I had a past, and that I was "allowed" to maintain friendships with people I choose.

Again, my contact with former BF"s wasn't suspicious. We weren't flirting, or retreading our relationship. We would update on how things were going in our lives. Nothing more.

Regardless, your update is far different than your OP about him and his FBing. The way he acted with the doctor in your presence, was inexcusable and abusive. It's too bad that he had to be the one to break it off, because you should have kicked him out at that point.

[michelle23]

btw OP him being angry and defensive is a sure sign of guilt. if hed done nothing wrong-he wouldnt storm out like that

[seadiamond]

btw OP him being angry and defensive is a sure sign of guilt. if hed done nothing wrong-he wouldnt storm out like that

Yep. Thanks. Something's up.

He tried to escalate a fight this morning. I took the position that it's okay to make mistakes but there's some things I will not tolerate. My calm, open, peaceful self assured confidence in the midst of his betrayal of me kept it from becoming a war, as Vilixy advised. As we were talking about his concern about me not trusting him near his car, he made sure I saw the ring they made, or perhaps it was an accident, but I don't think it was accidental, just another jab most likely. It was in one of his nice expensive boxes. He tried to shame me for expressing how I felt about her coming over as he was pulling out of the driveway. So I looked at him, smiled, and said, "Have a nice drive, playa."

(I know, I'm brutal...lol!)

Busted again.

I suppose he's going to deliver the ring they worked on sometime today.

All I know is that if I were him, in light of my complaint about being ignored while they were together working on the ring, I would have never delivered that ring which was obviously strategically left behind, to a man who had a crush on me, without him. Never. I'm hanging on to this idea as my happy thought about myself. I know this man just doesn't how to manipulate me. He must by now be at his wits end. Ha. It's kind of fun to be 10 steps ahead at this point...I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for him, but not in a way that I end up jeopardizing my sanity or peace, more like in a freeing way, a way where I'm steering my emotional ship -- not him.

I'm sure that without being able to run these things by all of you gathered here I might have still been a basket case about these matters and his ability to make me feel out of place for saying how I was feeling. I am surprisingly okay at present. You all are a fabulous bunch. Thanks.

[seadiamond]

btw OP him being angry and defensive is a sure sign of guilt. if hed done nothing wrong-he wouldnt storm out like that

Yep. Thanks. Something's up.

He tried to escalate a fight this morning. I took the position that it's okay to make mistakes but there's some things I will not tolerate. My calm, open, peaceful self assured confidence in the midst of his betrayal of me kept it from becoming a war, as Vilixy advised. As we were talking about his concern about me not trusting him near his car, he made sure I saw the ring they made, or perhaps it was an accident, but I don't think it was accidental, just another jab most likely. It was in one of his nice expensive boxes. He tried to shame me for expressing how I felt about her coming over as he was pulling out of the driveway. So I looked at him, smiled, and said, "Have a nice drive, playa." (I know, I'm brutal...lol!)

Busted again.

I suppose he's going to deliver the ring they worked on sometime today. All I know is that if I were him, in light of my complaint about being ignored while they were together working on the ring, I would have never delivered that ring which was obviously strategically left behind, to a man who had a crush on me, without him. Never. I'm hanging on to this idea as my happy thought about myself. I know this man just doesn't how to manipulate me. He must by now be at his wits end. Ha. It's kind of fun to be 10 steps ahead at this point...

I'm sure that without being able to run these things by all of you gathered here I might have still been a basket case about these matters and his ability to make me feel out of place for saying how I was feeling. I am surprisingly okay at present. You all are a fabulous bunch. Thanks.

[surfhb2]

Now if we can just get his side of the story we might effectively work out this situation.

[seadiamond]

His mom just came by and told me that it's okay for her to have a crush on him and for him to trade lessons with her inside of my home because he would not ever cheat on me.

[michelle23]

your welcome. so whats the plan now? are you moving out? is he? i always think the best way to handle these situations is to show no emotion. be as cold as ice and as sharp as a blade to cut the ties between you. that will hurt him more than being a scraming hysterical mess or an angry psycho trying to claw his eyes out. just act like you dont give a f**k and its his loss. if he needs validation and to stroke his ego with attention from orthers than he can do it without you. your moving on to find yourself a more confident, secure man annd remember karma is a b**ch. my cheating ex is still miserable years later. im happy so win- win foer me. lose-lose for him