Greetings to the good people of this forum. I dont post regularly but I need help... Thus ive come to you with my dilemma. Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years and we both love each other very much so. We lost it to each other at 17 and she was my first real relationship as well (I didnt date much in the years before that and maybe went on 1 date before that hah). She loves me dearly and shes been with alot of guys before me with up to 8 or 9 previous flings/boyfriends (now i know what youre thinking and yes im 100% sure she lost it to me as i broke her hymen).
The main issue that arises is this; I cant stop looking at other girls... I cant stop thinking, fantasizing about sleeping with as many women as possible and I feel like these feelings are only exacerbated by the fact that she was my first. I feel like theres alot out there that im missing out on and pretty much feel tied down so to speak. On the very wonderful flipside of the coin is that I love this girl and would protect her from anything and be there for her no matter what if she ever needed me. Ive never been able to talk to this girl like I have with any other girls and shes quite beautiful and constantly gets attention from other men. Deep down in the rational depths of my heart that I wont be able to find anyone like her and I really want a future with her...
Ive talked to her before about my issues with attraction to other women... weve gone through almost absolute hell with the fights, trust issues, arguements and countless almost break ups. Its funny how ive always sworn to protect her and destroy anything that harms her but ultimately ive caused more harm and pain then anything I ever could have protected her from. Now lets get to the reasoning behind why im planning to cheat and how I really need you guys to help me with your take on this.
Im about to cheat because I feel like if I dont ever go out and experience what I need to when im younger, ill be alot older with more responsibility and commitment towards her. This will lead me to look back and resent the fact that i couldnt explore when i was younger and horribly enough go out to resent her for this.... I know she deserves a guy who can stay with her and treat her right and I feel like if I do the exploring on my own in discretion ill be able to get over this stupid itching desire/phase and be the man she deserves..... If that makes any sense whatsoever... help