"Caring" for someone is so stressful... v_v

[Indestructible]

I find myself in a bit of a distressing situation, and I'm not sure what the best solution is. There's a girl I know that I had very strong romantic feelings for last year, but she turned down my advance, and we still know each other, but we've been on very iffy terms for a while now. She's been dating this guy I used to know (a guy I hated for reasons before they were an item), and she's also been very friendly with another mutual friend that she used to date who had cheated on her.

So where do I come in? Well, regardless of where I stand with her, I still care for her, and lately, I can tell something is going on with her. Yesterday, she seemed very... off, and she spent a lot of time with her ex, and perhaps it was just my imagination, but I got the sense they were specifically trying to be quiet around me and keep their conversations away from me specifically.

Now, I understand that what's going on with her is none of my business, and I'd never try to force myself into her life. But it's hard to sit by and see her like this. Putting my past feelings aside, I still care about her, I want her to be happy, and I want to know she's doing okay, and right now, it seems like she's really not doing so well. For whatever dumb reason, seeing her this way makes me feel bad. I felt so uncomfortable yesterday knowing something was up and I couldn't do anything about it. I had a rough night with not a lot of sleep because she kept popping into my head. Even now, I feel kind of sick to my stomach.

I know it's stupid to care about someone that really doesn't seem to want to let you in, and right about now, I wish I knew how to stop "caring". I just wish I knew that she was okay, and if she isn't, I wish I could help out in whatever way I could. I wonder if she even knows I feel this way, or if she just thinks it'd all be too difficult for me to hear, considering it probably has to deal with her boyfriend and/ or another guy. Actually, I have a hunch as to what it may be, but I have zero evidence to back that up; if I'm right, I would find it a bit upsetting internally, but still, I wish I could be there for her, and it's so hard to not be. Does that make sense?

[michelle23]

stay away from her. Her problems are not yours. If shes stupid enough to go back to the ass that cheated on her-let her learn her lesson the hard way. Let people make their own mistakes and move on. You will never get over her if you try to fix her. Theres nothing you can do. She has to sort out her own crap.

[Indestructible]

Well I don't know that she's "going back" to him, it just seems like she'd rather be friends with him and confide in him than me, for whatever reason.

I'll go ahead and just say it; the "hunch" I have is that I think her current boyfriend may have gotten her pregnant. Again, I have zero evidence to base that on, but just the way she was acting yesterday, that was the first thought that popped into my mind. Back when we used to be on great terms and talk more, I know how she feels about kids (she isn't a fan), and with how career-minded she is, I can imagine she'd be pretty shaken up to find out she's pregnant, and who knows how her boyfriend is taking it.

Whether I'm right about that or not, I have no idea. Hopefully I'm wrong, and just ran wild with the craziest possibility. And regardless of any of this, like I said, I know her problems aren't my responsibility in any way, shape, or form. It's just hard not to "care" about her anymore, and I wish I could be there for her the way her ex is getting to be there for her.

[dem862]

If she wants your help she will ask for it. Otherwise mind your own business and stop being nosy. It doesnt concerm you.

[smackie9]

We desire most what we can never have...this is the reason why you care for her. You will look back on this and realize how dumb this truly is. Anyways yes I agree she still has feelings for her ex and now doesn't know who to choose. Be careful what you wish for....it's just gonna hurt when you allow yourself to get involved in her drama.

Grow some balls, and stay away from her. I bet there are other girls you keep failing to see, wishing you were their BF.

[Indestructible]

Eh, well. I still don't think it has anything to do with her wanting to get back with her ex. It seems like something happened (whether it be with her current boyfriend, or whatever) that's upset her, and she's confiding about it to her ex. As far as I know, her ex is dating someone else, anyway, so...

I dunno. I just wish she would let me in. It boggles my mind that she feels more comfortable and trusting towards a guy that actually cheated on her, than she does me, a guy who just had feelings for her and got a little weird about it. Kinda hurts, yanno? I know I can't ever "have" her, but something is clearly very wrong, and I hate seeing her like this. I dunno.

[basilandthyme]

Inde, have you considered that the reason she doesn't confide in you is because she's not comfortable with you? You could care for her enormously, but if she's not comfortable talking to you, then she won't open up.

[Indestructible]

Well yeah, I mean, that's part of the reason I feel bad, because she used to seem pretty comfortable with me before I asked her out last summer. Ever since then, there's been a feeling of "uncomfortableness" there, but over the last month or so, it seemed like she was coming back around. :/

[Indestructible]

I mean, I understand that this is all out of my control, but I just can't stop feeling bad and wishing there was something I could do. I feel bad because she's going through something, I feel bad because she obviously doesn't feel comfortable with me, or doesn't like me, or whatever, enough to confide stuff to me, instead of some bonehead that cheated on her.

I absolutely understand that I shouldn't concern myself with her life, and I shouldn't concern myself with this stuff. I understand what I "should" and "shouldn't" do. But that doesn't help to make the actual feelings go away. What am I supposed to do about that?

[Indestructible]

Just a small update, if anyone cares. While it's kind of crazy of me, I'm kind of glad that I sometimes get myself worked up over the craziest possibility, only for the truth to not be so bad after all.

So, a mutual female friend who I've kinda been confiding to about this stuff decided to clue me in on what's up today. Evidently, the girl I care for split with her current boyfriend because, like the ex she's been chummy with, he cheated on her.

Shame she keeps winding up dating guys that cheat on her. She's better than that, and I know I sure as heck wouldn't have cheated on her if she had dated me. I guess it's not the worst thing that she confided to her ex about this instead of me; makes me feel less "friend zone"-y. Not that anything will ever happen between me and her, of course, but still.

[Empty Road]

Princesses are not attracted to White Knights.

[smackie9]

Maybe she confided in him because she wanted some insight on as to why she would be cheated on, and what better person to talk about this than a guy that had cheated on her.

[smackie9]

Princesses are not attracted to White Knights.

You hit that right on the head.