Taking It Slow (Womens View)

[jonnybegood]

Ok brief background meet this amazing girl online, we clicked so well, arranged a meet up for drinks and had an amazing evening. A second date was arranged and we had an unbelievable first kiss, and within 48 hours hours a 3rd date occurred which was magical.

Then the meet ups became less frequent, however still amazing, we'd text everyday, at the end of 8th week she told me she wants to take it slow!

Now honestly I have no clue what she means by that, been there before but that usually revolves around the physical side of the relationship.
She's since explained she has trust issues and whilst has feeling for me, doesn't want to rush into a relationship, BUT she can not give me a clue as to her definition of slow is, I've never referred to her as my GF or told her that I love her or anything like that, she would freak out for sure.

In the last 4 weeks we've met up once for dinner and twice further, I've offered to walk away if that makes her life easier and she says she doesn't want that but I should do whats best for me. She still expects communication EVERY DAY, if I've not messaged by 7 or so she's asking if she's upset me.

Only thing I really want is to spend time with the girl she is amazing. We've just gone past the 3 month barrier and looking back we've meet up a total of 12 times, only 2 haven't resulted in evenings of passion.

NOW if I were buff, good looking, amazing in bed I'd think I were just a booty call (maybe I am) but she is very pretty and could have her pick of a large number of men.
Kind of floundering here as to whether I hang in there and see what happens or disappear into the sunset.

So ladies if you could help me out a little by providing your thoughts as to the 'Take It Slow' bit I'd be most grateful.

Regards,
OneVeryConfusedMan

[michelle23]

I think its a red flag and you should run. Shes emotionally unavailable, has a fear of commitment and trust issues. Shell hurt you and mess with your head all at the same time.

[MyDeafHavana]

I'm a take it slow girl myself, but it has different meanings to every girl! My boyfriend of 8 months and I dated for about a months before becoming an official couple. I for our first 3 dates I refused to let him kiss me, though he asked like a gentleman. I would recommend taking it slow by doing very gentlemanly things. Send her flowers, text her when you wake up, things that let her know you're thinking of her. I used to have some serious trust issues and my boyfriend always did things like that. A girl needs to feel like she's the centre of your world before she'll let you in.

Another side tip, never bring up an ex, or even a female friend, in a positive, possibly sexual, light. It's not that we're possesive, it's that we don't like competition. Don't tell her your friend has huge boobs. Don't tell her how great a cook your ex was. Tell her nice things about her, not about other girls. You wouldn't wanna hear how big her ex's 'junk' was, right? or how sweet her guy best friend is because he takes her chinese food when she's upset? Love is a two seater couch and there is no room for a number 3 on that couch.

[jonnybegood]

Thanks for the insight, I understand every situation is unique and I myself have dated a couple of ladies who like yourself delayed the whole kissing and becoming an official couple thing and that's fine, BUT never had I met a woman that was so guarded that she only wanted to met up so irregularly, I'll see her like 2-3 times in a 10 day period and then not again for like 14 days, I don't think I'm asking the world to just simply spend time with her.
The whole slow thing confused me, I didn't kiss her on the first date and within in hour of me getting in from that first date I was basically told I must do that on the second date, and on the third date she dragged me to bed and nearly killed me, THATS NOT REALLY SLOW in my mind.

I've turned up with flowers, wine, text her every morning and night just like you say, I get told I make her feel so special, doesn't want to lose me, but still she's reluctant to invest the time, killed me a couple of weeks ago when she was coming to my house for a romantic night, I cooked dinner, we drank wine in the sunshine and started to watch a film, she began to panic and left. Felt like an idiot I'd spent nearly a week planning for and getting bits for a romantic evening and there's me sat on my lonesome.

I am very much a past is the past and whilst she has bought you ex's I really try to divert to avoid the topic, its done over, I'm here with you now.

This woman is amazing and she makes we feel like no one has before but I know my need to actually spend time with her (and not just in bed, like all met ups seem to end up with, initiated by her usually I might add) is going to drive her away, really not sure this is going to work, but I'm not done trying!

[Valixy]

Unless there are some circumstances in her life that you haven't been told about, I would say that she still is in an independent phase of the relationship, when she hasn't invested herself emotionally too much and she hasn't connected with you so much as to want to start making you part of her life more. She definitely likes you but she isn't over the heels in love with you yet and I think that you'll just have to be patient and work a bit more for that to happen. In conclusion, you are important to her but she still needs time and space for herself but if you continue seeing her and bringing her closer to you that way, you might be surprised how much things could change in another three months. Many times the girls that are a bit distant at the beginning of the relationship are the ones that fall harder in the long run.

Just my opinion

[smackie9]

If it isn't what you like in a relationship then end it. There is no reason to stay with someone just because they are "pretty". You have expectations that are not being fulfilled, and all you are doing is paying for her meals when you go out....that is crap. Me personally have left relationships for less. There is no solution to turn it into the relationship of your dreams....it is what it is, and there is no guarantee things will evolve into something more than what you are getting. Relationships are supposed to heat up not cool down.

[Empty Road]

If a girl ever tells me to take it slow, I'm going to propose.