Hello everyone,
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'm a 27 year old female, my husband is a 30 year old male and we have been married since February 2006. Our relationship has not been an easy one, although I love my husband and we get along very well. There have been a lot of *new* issues since he was discharged from the Marines in March 2011. I want to try to stay away from emotion and stick mostly with facts - I'd like to know what other people would do in this situation.
I work full time, 40 hours a week in a job that requires a 1 hour commute each way. I also work part time doing event marketing, right now I'm doing 12 hours a week (luckily it's on the way home), sometimes 16 hours, and with both commitments I work 7 days a week. I've taken on two part time projects that total 6 - 9 hours a week, but they require me to be out of the house as well, bringing my grand total to 58 - 68 hours every week, 7 days a week.
We are extremely broke, mostly moving expenses but a lot is from us not having a budget. My car is in the shop and it is going to cost 1,300 dollars to fix, I've paid about half but I'm at least a week out from having enough to pay for it. I've put my flute, most of my jewelry, my extra saddle, and anything else of value up for sale. I browse craigslist every day for gigs and extra jobs I can apply for to try and make more money so we can get out of this predicament.
My husband is a full time student, graduating top of his class in his bachelor's program at a trade school online. He stays home all day, does not clean anything, often does not feed or forgets about our dog, and feeds my horse at night. He does not actively pursue part time work because he says he cannot do it and be in school. He occasionally gets part time work through a friend of mine, but that is 30 - 50 dollars every once in awhile. He finally listed one of his own items for sale on craigslist, only because it looks like I will not be able to get my car next week unless I do not pay the internet bill and two credit cards. He told me he listed it last week, but took the ad down because he didn't get any responses.
We had a huge fight a little over a week ago, and I gave him an ultimatum to pursue part time gigs, set up a budget and schedule with me, or I was leaving. We did sort of end up setting up a budget, but he forgot several bills and still does no know how much I make or when I get paid. He says "we can't make a budget when we have no money." He used to actively fight me when I tried to set up a schedule so he would know where I am going and when I'll be back, now he puts up with my attempts to make a schedule. Most of the time I do not know if dinner will be ready when I get home (at 9:30 pm or so) and often go to bed without eating because I'm tired.
Today I yelled at him, our landlord is very rich and we live on a big farm. It would be easy for him to take some cheap part time jobs here, washing cars and working around the ranch doing light labor. He agreed to ask our landlord, but I am fairly certain he will not if I don't bring it up 2 or 3 more times.
My husband does contribute to bills with his VA money for school and disability, but with sequestration many checks have not been arriving and we are short several thousand dollars I thought we would have.
I am not sure what else to do to get him to help me, we are barely making ends meet financially. We do not have TV or Trash, we have 4 credit card payments and one vehicle payment, no health insurance payments (he is covered by the VA, I do not have any insurance), a life insurance/roth IRA on me, renters and car insurance, rent, gas and food. He does not show consideration for me, does not sleep with me at night, we haven't had sex in months, and we do not speak about our issues mostly because I don't have the energy to be stone walled.
Thank you for reading this far, am I wrong to feel like I am at my wit's end with this? What would you do or how would you proceed?