Hi Guys
This is kind of weird situation where I am stuck in. Me and my girlfriend/fiancée have a wonderful relationship from last one and a half year, we are planning to tie knot next year. We are two totally different personalities and we are very different from each other. This is my third relationship and so does her. Where I am a very social person, she likes to be stay at a quiet place. I feel she is the best match for me. But here starts the problem. She have lots of expectations from me. I am not an emotional kind of person whereas she wants me to express my feelings. I want her to act like friends when we are hanging out and be as couple when we are at home. She wants it vice versa. She likes to touch me when we are out and I do not like public display of affection at all. We are in a live relationship. If I want to go out in night for drinks, she wants me to come home in night, does not matter how late it is. She does not seems happy if I leave her alone and hang out with my friends. She feels as it is a new relationship we both should spend time together as couple. I understand her feelings as she likes to be around me but I am just not that person. I want to be independent even if I am in relationship.
The other situation affecting our relationship is a little critical. Before we started dating we were 3 friends. My girl friend, another girl (lets say ABC)who is close to us and me. The other girl also is very good friend of mine and is very close to me as compared to my girl friend. This friend has a little different personality – she is bit arrogant and very practical. She has some kind of jealous feelings towards my girl friend and due to this in past few months she misbehaved with her. I witnessed her behavior and also talked to her in front of my girlfriend that it was wrong on her part. She said sorry. But now her behavior persisted when I am not present. Now here is the catch of this situation. My girl friend / fiancée thinks our this friend ABC is attracted to me or in love with me . That is the reason why she misbehaves with her. I heard her facts but I do not feel so. Here are some facts which my fiancée gave about our friend ABC:
1) Whenever she is alone at home and friend ABC calls to meet, ABC cancels the plan.
2) ABC always call us on weekend to know what we are doing and makes plan to visit us(my fiancée thinks she always come over weekend when we try to spend some good time together. I do not feel this way. I feel that ABC wants to see how we are doing as friends that it)
3) ABC always calls me or text me instead of her and makes plan
4) In case ABC don’t know I am working on weekends and makes plan with to visit out place, she cancels the plan the moment she knows I am not at home. (However I feel that she do not like my girlfriend that’s why she avoids to meet her). My girlfriend/fiancée is offended by her behavior.
5) Whenever ABC visits our place, she always try to sit next to me even if there are lots of friends around.(My thinking is this is only because she is close to me and she feels its comfortable)
6) In last week’s party when my fiancée was talking about our wedding plans, our friend ABC just became angry and talked rudely to my girlfriend/fiancée and walked out of party. My girlfriend escorted her till gate to say her bye.
7) My girlfriend/fiancée already made plans for my birthday. So we did not called friend s for dinner on my birthday and told everyone that we will party over weekend. This was conveyed to ABC as well. First of all she wished me at 12 am in night. Next day she called me around 7 pm in evening to ask what were plans for that night. (Me and my fiancée were going to have dinner out alone.) This pissed my fiancée off as she feels that girl is doing it intentionally.
8) My friend ABC says that she is dating a guy who is her brother’s friend which my fiancée thinks is a lie.
9) My fiancée feels that friend ABC always calls me and text me to make plans. Friend ABC avoids meeting her.
10) Normally whenever ABC leaves our house late night my fiancée always told her to message that she reached home safely which she never does. This weekend friend ABC texted me in night that she reached home safely.
11) This was a long weekend. So on Friday ABC texted me to ask what is the plan for next two days. My fiancée wanted to spend it with me. So I told her we have some plans in case something gets cancelled we will let her know. Later my fiancée came to me and said that friend ABC do not have any other friend so its not good to avoid her. We can meet her on Sunday night. We had a great day on Sunday and in evening friend ABC visited us. (My fiancée complained that when I was not around friend ABC was not talking to her). Friend ABC told me that she broke up with her boyfriend as he was not considering her feelings and she wanted him to spend more time with her. We both had few drinks (my fiancée do not drink alcohol at all). Later we had dinner together and started together. My fiancée was acting normally so does friend ABC.
12) Later during discussion ABC asked what we were doing for next day. We said we are going with a friend of us on picnic. She can go to this festival happening in the city if she wants. She started saying that she do not have friends how she will go alone. She cannot go there with his brother since his friend will be with him. We told her in case we ll come back soon we ll take her there. (this was an excuse we made since we had tension due to her in our relationship)
13) Next day me and my fiancée spent whole day together but I felt guilty about leaving our friend.
This friend ABC have helped me a lot in studies. I passed my two critical courses due to her as she assisted me in studies. For her help in my studies I gave her a gift card of $300 which she accepted. I was being grateful to her as she spent almost 20 hours on me for these two courses. Similarly my girlfriend also gave her some gifts in between these one and a half year since she always picked us up (she have car we do not) when ever we asked. But later she avoided to take my girlfriend with her for shopping etc and started ignoring her ( which I feel is because my fiancée/girlfriend is very much successful as compared to her in term of studies and life). On my birthday she gave me a gift card of $250 which i think is return of what i gave to her. I told my girlfriend taht we both will buy her a gift card of $400 on her birthday when it comes. My girlfriend was angry about it.
I am now stuck with these two women. One is whom I love and other one is very close friend of mine. I told my girlfriend that I am distancing from ABC only due to her since she is uncomfortable and I am suffering unnecessarily. I feel that ABC do not likes me at all and is a close friend of mine. She have a problem from my girlfriend. I suggested my girlfriend that since she is uncomfortable with ABC she should stop hanging out with her more often and try to avoid her. In case ABC wants to meet me I will meet her alone or I will meet her outside alone (I can go with her for a drink or two alone while my fiancee can stay at home since she is uncomfortable). My fiancée/girlfriend got angry on this. For my fiancée/girlfriend she feels that friend ABC is pursuing me and wants me to be with her. One of our close friend also noticed this and agreed with my fiancée/girlfriend. I am still very sure that friend ABC do not thinks so, she is just close to me.
However I feel that my fiancée/girlfriend is becoming insecure in this situation. I feel that I am suffering in all this as both are important for me. I need your sincere advice about situation.