I have quite a long story, sorry.
Just over a year ago, I was married, getting on with life but with no intimacy, so not particularly happy. We had 2 children together (now 9 and 4) and I have a now 20 year old who lived with us.
One day I got chatting to an old school friend (I lived 50 miles away from my school town and he still lived where we went to school). One thing led to another, I ended the marriage, we fell in love.
In the summer holidays I moved back to my home town, lived with Mum briefly with the 2 youngest as my oldest was settled with my now ex. Then moved in with my now partner (S) with the children.
I found photos of a woman's boobs on his phone in October, and he had met her for coffee while I still lived away. There was also another ex who was hanging around and getting on my nerves by trying to be my best buddy.
His house was a state, I spent 3.5K on heating and bathroom. Bought new furniture and carpets for the bedrooms. He already had a nice kitchen but the rest of the house is a tip. I also bought a family car as his car is a 2 seater, even though I don't drive. The rest of the house is still a mess, I mean "How Clean is Your House" bad. We recently sorted the garage and he asked for 50% of the space for a gym he NEVER uses and me and the kids share 50% for used stuff. I do have trust issues as he has been a bit of a git allowing these women to hang around. I can go into more detail if necessary.
I have asked him if he would be willing to sell the car so we can finish off the house, we needs carpets, no room is decorated since 10 years ago, I have bought all the paint, it is in the garage, but he has ripped a fireplace out and put cardboard over the hole etc. The floors downstairs are unfinished, front door wrecked by the dog.
His answer to selling the car was ' If we split up I would have no way to get to work' I spent all of my money on HIS house that he has asked me and the kids to leave twice. I feel like I have no security, if he dies I potentially would lose everything but my car as he won't/can't be bothered to do a will so I can keep my things. So, in theory, his house is worth 5+ thousands pounds more, he is using my car only, never uses his own and mine is being devalued constantly (I was more than happy with this until his car comment). We are nearly 40, no contraceptives being used as he would love a baby. However, I feel very insecure in our future as he isn't really planning for my security. He doesn't think marriage is important, where to me it is. I left a secure marriage, friends, job, kids left their schools, I left my oldest son, all to be with him. I don't regret any of that as I love him dearly.
Where do I go from here? He won't see my point of view (I want security and I want him to value me and risk his car for our future as I used all of my savings and my previous life to be here) and I don't see his point of view (happy for his Dad to inherit my belongings if he died by not doing a will and he is keeping his car in case we split) And he has been a bit of a thoughtless git with other women.
He also has started to be lazy in our relationship as well as round the house (he is actually the laziest person I have ever met, but that promotes laziness in me too).
HELP