Advice required. What to do next?

[Villo]

The car? Seriously, the car?! Hopefully your tubes are tied because there's still a chance you can get pregnant at your age. I'm not trying to be cute. I mean it. You really should make sure you can't have another kid. Also, if it were up to me you'd have your kids taken away so they don't have to witness a woman being treated so horribly. Because being around you and him ... they are learning that love is getting treated like crap. It means there's little chance they will have normal families when they go off on their own.

How do you care more about what to do about a car when he puts boobs on his phone, likely cheats, uses you financially, and is lazy? Are you that worthless that you are begging to marry this? Don't bother answering any of this. I'm done.

[Debb]

Treated horribly? Far from it. I have a nice life, however, I don't always understand how he thinks and he is sometimes difficult to get to actually listen to something he doesn't want to hear. Our trivial problems (and, really, they are trivial) are quite insignificant after writing it down strangely. The boobs really doesn't bother me as it was so early on and she did it to boost her ego because he was low. I have access to all his email etc and vice versa, he is never away from me to cheat apart from football on a Friday. But, he plays football. We don't argue, we have a happy family life, go on dates, weekends away, he cleans up the kids puke, today actually We have the same ideas on most things. But he is nearly 40, no kids, never married, he can't always see things my way without me feeling like I have to hit him with a brick

His laziness is fear of failure as he is only lazy with things that scare him. He left for work this evening after driving 100 miles to get kids, reading kids a story and doing me a snack, with a kiss, an I love you and a promise that the things that bug me will change. If they don't, I will re address in 2 weeks after the holiday. He is off work from 6am for 2 weeks, he has promised to do the jobs that need doing urgently too. I am not little Miss Perfect, but he thinks I am.

[Millie]

All I have left to say here is read back your OP and then read this most recent post you wrote - while I think what Villo wrote was unduly harsh I can see why he lost it. And I thought denial was a river in Egypt. Good luck Debb, I have the feeling you're going to need it.

[Debb]

Yeah, read it lol. Maybe I was a little harsh on him. He is lazy, but he has just worked 4 night shifts with 3-4 hours a day sleep. So, he is a bit slow, but has still done the basics, rubbish, cat litter, lawn, dog poo, kid stuff, dishwasher, hanging washing out. All the shit blue jobs lol. The boobs, not a problem, the other odd ex, not a problem, the state of the house, he sorted a huge pile of old paperwork and odd socks today. He was too busy even to watch tennis!!!! He has said he will pay for an extension for OUR HOUSE, he sees it as mine too in real life, but didn't realise quite how unsettled I felt and nor does he really understand probate law etc. The kids call it home, they love life here as do I. However, in this heat I am very hlad he is working a night shift and I can sprawl on the bed alone.