Anxious and dont know what to think

[coloradocarl]

Hi All,

Over the course of the last eight months I've developed quite a strong relationship with a girl I work with. Until she met me, she was sure she wanted to marry the guy she was with. After she met me, she told me she found in me what has been missing in her relationship. Things have emotionally escalated to the point that she broke up with the bf on Thursday. We never got physical, it was a line she just wouldn't and couldn't cross (I have commend her for that) but emotionally, we are both very open and believe there is an undeniable chemistry... one she says isn't even close to as strong as the one with the bf (or former bf). In addition, there are a number of red flags in their relationship that she recognizes but is willfully ignorant to because she loves him.

Friday, I took her out to breakfast... finally, a 'real' date. After that wen went back to her parents house (where she now lives... she's moved out of the bf's place) to hang out in the pool, meet her family and watch an outside movie that night. Everything went great... finally, a nice respectful kiss good night and that was that.

Saturday she texts me she misses the bf terribly but she wants to be honest with me, always. I try console her but she's not very responsive. Yesterday she tells me the following:

"I am in love with xxxx. I was and I am. I'm really struggling right now. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
"I'm trying to keep a clear mind and I cant when your texting/calling"
"If I'm being totally honest, I'm pretty confident I want to be with xxxx. I'm staying at my moms and will continue to think about things but... he's the person for me. I'm sorry. I tried. I really tried."
"I want some time to be alone and not think about men at all"
"Goodnight, I will see you tomorrow"

These are excerpts from a longer text discussion. Some other background... she's tried to sever ties with me before, each time we end up closer than before. This is the fourth time. The leadup was breaking up with the bf.. the fallout is this.

I know the quotes above sound pretty damning. I know she's confused. I know I love her, I think she loves me but she hasn't said it. She does tell me I make her feel like nobody ever has, we have chemistry she's never felt before and she's fallen for me faster than she ever has.

What do you guys think? I know this isn't much to go on and what I wrote is prob. stacking the deck against me but I'm thinking she just legitimately needs a couple days without me around to miss me and understands she made the right decision. We don't do more than six hours w/o communicating in some way... It's been 24 now. We IM at work, text on the ride home, talk on the phone at night... now it's cold turkey.

Is she going to come around? Is she fighting a feeling she's not going to be able to beat? What do you all think?

Thanks,
C/c

[namemyname]

You are the guy she keeps around to use against her BF, to try and correct his behavior.

No, you have no chance.

Stop being her playtoy!!

[coloradocarl]

I know that's everyone's first instinct but it's not that. He's completely in the dark about this. He has no idea. I know this girl well. She knows me and neither of us are doing anything to hurt, use or take advantage of the other. How I presented the scenario is how I truly believe it is. I do not think I'm being used in anyway. She broke up with him, expecting he would turn to anger (which apparently he does) and never speak to her again... something she didn't want to happen, but followed through with it anyway. I believe her. I trust her. I don't think I'm playtoy. That being said... what about the scenario I presented?

[michelle23]

stay away from taken girls you will lose every time! find your own gf

[coloradocarl]

Man, you ladies are a tough crowd!! In the future, I will certainly heed that advice... but it's a little too late for that now.

[namemyname]

OK, since you're not getting it, I'll translate for you:

"I am in love with xxxx. I was and I am. I'm really struggling right now. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. I am in love with my BF, always have been, always will be. I'm sorry for using you and leading you on, but I hope you just accept reality and stop trying to get with me.


"I'm trying to keep a clear mind and I cant when your texting/calling" Stop friggin contacting me!!!! I don't want my BF to see your messages.


"If I'm being totally honest, I'm pretty confident I want to be with xxxx. I'm staying at my moms and will continue to think about things but... he's the person for me. I'm sorry. I tried. I really tried."
I will never love you. He is the guy I want to be with. I tried to love you, but I can't, and I never will. I will end up going back to my BF in a few days, after I've made him sweat a bit. This is the only way I know how to get him to change, but it works.

"I want some time to be alone and not think about men at all" LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE YOU CRAZY ASS STALKER WHO CAN'T TAKE A HINT!!!!!!


"Goodnight, I will see you tomorrow" I want to go call my BF, but I'm sure you'll start harassing me first thing in the morning. SIGH

[coloradocarl]

Huh.... ok, wow. Well, I'm going to bed now. thanks for that

Hope that's not how it turns out but you do pose a pretty compelling translation.