Date others or hope this works out?

**learning1** · 12-07-13, 08:26 PM

I told him that it was horrible to not even try to tell his parents about me once, and instead downgrade me to his little hidden 2nd-best friend who has to watch him marry someone else.

**michelle23** · 12-07-13, 08:33 PM

exactly ^^ and that is what will happen. Give both of you the chance to be happy with someone else. If he is forced to marry someone while he loves you-then his marriage will be a sham and he will be miserable and so will you.

At least if you cut all ties now, you can heal and get over each other and then meet someone both your parents approve of. That way you can both find happiness.

**TablesandChairs** · 12-07-13, 10:21 PM

OP, I've been through this with a couple of my friends and it plays out just like you mention. It seems 'white' women are fine to date, sleep with, have fun with...but the moment commitment was mentioned, they back peddled...cited religion, culture and parents as a problem. They want to be 'friends' because they still want a woman around UNTIL their betrothed wife appears. It's up to you, if you feel he's genuine, maybe he is...but these guys often don't know their own minds. Sure, some will go against their parents and risk getting disowned but the vast, vast majority won't and don't.

**michelle23** · 12-07-13, 11:55 PM

stick to your own culture. not racist-just common sense

**learning1** · 13-07-13, 02:09 AM

Originally Posted by michelle23

If he is forced to marry someone while he loves you-then his marriage will be a sham and he will be miserable and so will you.

Right, so why is he so insistent that we share our lives as friends? Stupid. I wish he would just realize that it's not going to work that way, and he should follow his heart and be with me, even if it means being strong against his parents like his older brother is doing.

**Wakeup** · 13-07-13, 05:38 AM

Hardly an "update." Same church, different pew. Nothing new here.

**learning1** · 13-07-13, 06:04 AM

It feels different because we've gone thru a few rounds of him wanting to get back together, but now he's stuck on "why cant we best friends and share our lives even while i marry someone else and you watch on the side" blah blah.

**learning1** · 14-07-13, 05:56 AM

I think if he knows I'm dating other people and I refuse to talk to my ex further without a commitment, then he'll realize he no longer has that "hold" on me and he'll probably disappear out of my life forever.

**michelle23** · 14-07-13, 09:14 AM

stop being a doormat. you cant force him to be with you and you dont wana be his friend. its pointless trying to flog a dead horse. its not gonna work-his mind is made up-he is gonna marry someone else whether you like it or not. dont be his "for now" girl or his "friend" its bull.

its time to put you first now and realize that you have to cut him outa your life. do it for your own sanity in the future and dont allow him to worm his way back. love alone is not enough

if you want your happy ever after-you wont get it with him

**learning1** · 15-07-13, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by michelle23

dont be his "for now" girl or his "friend" its bull.

Right. I'm so glad I said what I said to him. I'm not a second-best, hidden woman on the side. I'm not an American toy for him to play with. If he can't make a single sacrifice for me, then he doesn't deserve me in ANY capacity.

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