Falling for someone else.

[SteelyJo]

Hi guys, hope you can help, looking for some brutal honesty/constructive advice if you have any going spare

Basically I'm a bisexual woman in a civil partnership (UK same sex partnerships) with a woman who I love, but aren't in love with if you get me. It'll be our 3rd CP anniversary in a few months.

Things have been strained between us since I told her I don't want children, she does and she's pushing me away, we're not intimate anymore, we snap and row.

Because of this distance that's started between us I got to thinking about an ex, my first love from 10 years ago, who I split from due to distance rather than issues with our relationship.

I googled him and have emailed him. He's in an unhappy long distance relationship of seven years, no children and says he still has feelings for me. We've been emailing each other for five days and I feel he's still the man I fell in love with all those years ago.

He wants to meet up for a drink, but as much as I'd love to I can't, as I don't trust myself not to act on how I'm feeling and don't want to cheat on my CP, although I feel like I am as I've not told her we are emailing.

So, what do I do?

Thanks in advance,

Joannah

[searock]

You break up with your girlfriend.

Then you can do whatever you want.

[xrobotlove]

Sometimes the grass is greener, but a lot of the time it isn't. Most times I've left someone to pursue another, it turned out that the new guy wasn't so great either.. However, the last time I did it I ended up with the love of my life and have never looked back or regretted breaking it off with my (ex)fiancé. I had never loved anyone like I love this person and I'm so happy that I didn't get married to the person I wasn't in love with. That being said, I'm not sure if you're in that same situation or if the grass is just looking greener. I put a lot of thought into it and spent a lot of (plutonic) time with him first to make sure I was making the right choice. You should always follow your heart, but let your brain lead the way.

[searock]

I put a lot of thought into it and spent a lot of (plutonic) time with him.

Sorry, couldn't help but chuckle !

I think OP is well aware that she isn't satisfied/happy with the relationship with her girlfriend, so she should break up with her before even considering dating anyone else.

[SteelyJo]

Just to clarify, she's not my GF, civil partnership is akin to marriage in the UK, so it's not just as easy as breaking things off with her, we would need to sell the house, go to solicitors etc, standard divorce things.

That's my issue, I don't know if the reason I'm contemplating ending my marriage is because I'm falling for someone else, I'm falling out of love with my wife or a combo of the two.

[michelle23]

So things get a little bit tough and you are willing to just give up without a fight are you? Your having a bit of trouble at home and the first thing you do is hop on the internet to line up a plan B.. That is not right and it is no way to end a marriage. Grow a backbone and grow the f up.

If you are having problems in your marriage-then do whatever you can to fix them or else leave. Stay away from this ex of yours-no contact at all. You are both taken and what you are planning/contemplating/doing is wrong. What the f is wrong with people in this world? You bail so easily and turn to betrayal as soon as you hit a rough patch-this is catastrophic to your relationship. If you betray her-it is over, no going back even if you regret it with all your heart and would do anything to take it back-you cant.

So stop it now-talk to your partner, try to work this out, find a compromise or get marriage counselling. Do whatever you can to make this work and if that doesnt help-it is time to leave.

You do NOT line up a plan B. It is no way to end a long term relationship. Grow up and do what is right

[VincenzoG91]

You need to end your marriage, because the kid issue is a real deal-breaker. It doesn't mean that you or your partner is wrong, just that this is an issue where compromise isn't really possible. After you end your marriage, then maybe you can look into the ex. Then again, maybe he wants kids, too.

[searock]

Sorry, I missed the part where you said it was a civil partnership, my bad. So you are married and having problems, and instead of focusing on solving them you email an ex? This is an immature way of dealing with issues, as I'm sure you know. Have you tried couples counseling?

[trevor]

i think you shud bang both of them

[michelle23]

f**k off trevor. if you have nothing constructive to say then p**s off. this is peoples lives your messing with. may be a big joke to you but its serious to this person who has asked for help