Should I contact him again?

[JanisS]

Lovely forum members, you helped me once I hope you can help me again. I just need to hear what other women would do in my situation.

I met X, an English guy, in Thailand. He was there working, I was there for pleasure. I was going through a divorce and didn't want to mess with boys, so avoided him despite the fact that I really fancied him. I exchanged a few words with him. Once he told me he was really shy and also he had been hurt so many times he preferred to stay away from women.
I was there for 2 weeks and never did I see him with other girls.
On the last night he kissed me and we ended up snogging - nothing more. We were both a bit intoxicated

I then went back to the UK. He stayed there. I kept thinking of him all the time and finally wrote him a FB message saying I was thiking of him and I really fancied him etc etc. He replied that he was flattered, but he didn't know me enough, so couldn't tell if he liked me in the same way. I was fine with that answer. We wrote to each other every single day. After a few weeks he started flirting with me in a very open way. I flirted back. Then we started emailing about more serious stuff, like relationships. He also sent me some really hot messages. It went on for 3 months.

I found out that he wasn't only a pretty face, but he was cute and kind and shy in a very adorable way.
The only weird thing was that I always asked questions, he never asked much about me and preferred to email about himself - which is strange for a shy guy like him, but maybe the fact that we were emailing made him a little more open.

He claimed that I was treating him as a distraction from my divorce and that might have been truth - maybe not entirely, but a little bit (I now realise it). He is a very rational guy, so said that the whole thing didn't make much sense because of the distance. I was telling him I was going to move to Thailand soon, but didn't have a specific date or anything, and he thought that I was just being irrational because of the divorce situation and I wouldn't move there anyway, but he kept sending me emails.

I must admit that I was a bit forward with him...I'm a bit embarrassed about it cause I was depressed and desparately needed attention and didn't know what else I could do rather than tell him straight that I wanted to sleep with him - not very lady like. Now, I would like to scrap that and start again, be less forward and be more on a friends terms at the beginning.

Anyway, the conversation started drying out. His life was so completely different to mine that there was only a couple things we could actually talk about.
he didn't email me for a while and during that time I got a tattoo, which is in hebrew. I sent him a photo of it and he asked what it meant. I said 'I want to kiss you until my lips are swollen' or something ridiculous like that. I was joking, I swear. I didn't even want to flirt with him again. The tattoo means nothing like that anyway.
That was at the beginning of June and he didn't reply at all.



Now, I am going back to Thailand in November and am going to stay there for a year, or maybe longer. I really would like to meet up with him and see what happens. I don't want to have any expectations so I was wondering if I should email him and ask if he would like to see me. But I don't want to appear clingy or silly. I could handle rejections and the fact that I might bore him, or he doesn't fancy me, but I would feel really disappointed if I show up there and he has a girlfriend, or he's not there anymore.
If I decide to email him, what should I write? Should I be casual, should I ask him why he didn't reply? should I joke about that tattoo thing? should I explain myself about being too forward with him? What if he doesn't reply again or tells me to get lost? I don't know how I would look him in the eye again!

NOTE: I AM NOT MOVING TO THAILAND BECAUSE OF HIM. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO IT AND I HAVE A TEACHING JOB THERE.
I would just like to know if there's a chance of us meeting again...

[Wakeup]

How can you say you don't have any expectations and then immediatly go on to say this:

but I would feel really disappointed if I show up there and he has a girlfriend, or he's not there anymore.

Those are to very BIG expectations that if turn out to be true will get your knickers in a knot to the enormity that your thinking is now in.

Forget him... it was a few kisses and emails that repeatedly told you what was the truth, that he was a distraction from your divorce and the ending of that life. If you're going to Thailand in the hopes of starting up something with him, if you have no other reason to go there that is actually legit (like a teaching job or other career move) then you are making probably the biggest mistake of your life.

Think about what you just wrote, re read it as if you were not the opening poster and hopefully you'll see the folly of your ways.

Seriously.

[JanisS]

Oh, I don't go there for him LOL that would be just stupid! I've been in love with the country for a long time and always wanted to move there. I have a teaching job there and it's actually quite far from where he is. He has been in a place where i go for holiday. I am planning to go there for a bit before I start work. I would just like to know if he's still there and if there's a chance i might see him again.

[Wakeup]

Oh, I don't go there for him LOL that would be just stupid! I've been in love with the country for a long time and always wanted to move there. I have a teaching job there and it's actually quite far from where he is. He has been in a place where i go for holiday. I am planning to go there for a bit before I start work. I would just like to know if he's still there and if there's a chance i might see him again.

He's avoiding you and your emails. What does that action tell you, Janis?

Good for you for going for more than the chance of a fling with some guy you don't even know and has given you really, zero reason to think he wants you to contact him. You'll likely contact him anyway... don't let your emotions get the better of you until or if he shows you in actions that he wants you in his life as a mate. Sex does not a relationship or love make so keep it real.