My ex wants me to get a house with her

[dxvxd]

She wants us to get a house together as an investment. We both agree that we hate wasting money renting and would rather have something to show for our money. We do not currently live together.

Now, we have known each other for a year and a half. She has a 4 year old boy. She's 27 and I'm 25. We dated a couple months after meeting, and then broke up a couple months after beginning to date. After we broke up, we forged ahead as friends but for me I found out that I love her. She maintains that she wants to remain friends, but I have also let her know what has happened to me. I tried to stop loving her but it just wouldn't happen, so it appears for me that this is one of those girls that I will always love even if we never end up together.

So here we are today. She has a boyfriend she met online that she told me she really likes. I think thats great because I want her to be happy. I havent met or talked to him, but he seems like a really cool guy as well.

..And she wants me to buy a house with her. I would absolutely love to get a house with her and her son.. probably because of my underlying love for them. But her current boyfriend is the jealous type who would no doubt have issues with something like this happening. I am telling her I do not feel comfortable with these circumstances because I would feel like a jerk for doing something like that to her boyfriend, making him go through that turmoil of knowing his girlfriend is living with another man... and her response? "He'll get over it". I told her I don't like that attitude towards her relationship, and I'm not interested in stepping on any toes or hurting her relationship.

I know she has abandonment issues and therefore trust issues which was part of the reason we broke up. She didn't really take our relationship last year seriously.. and she explained to me she has turned a corner with relationships but this attitude she has towards her current one is not proving that to me.

For me, besides wanting to live with them, I am ready for a change anyway. I'm ready to live somewhere else, a little quieter and calmer. I love her son and want to be there for him whenever he needs a male influence. She is a pretty fun person too and I wouldn't mind being around her more often. But I'm trying not to be selfish here. This could be a great situation for me, but as a result her relationship will take a hurting and her boyfriend will be none too happy. Seeing as how they seem to really like each other, I do not want to jeopardize that for them!! She needs to know relationships need give and take from both sides and she is take take take... her way or the highway... wanting to have her cake and eat it.

I guess I'd really need to talk to her boyfriend anyways and just have that conversation and go from there, if I were really going to do it. But I don't know. Hopefully I explained this well for you folks and there is some knowledge out there that I can draw from. Thanks for reading.

[michelle23]

what is wrong with you? seriously? accept its over and get this woman out of your life. how the f are you ever gonna move on and settle down and get married or have kids or even fall in love again if you keep your ex around and pretend your just "friends"

something seriously wrong with some people

[dxvxd]

I wasn't really looking to be insulted.

If you would like for me to care one bit about your "opinion" or "answer" then try again, this time without insulting.

[perth]

i don't agree with the insulting tone of the other response. but if i can subtract that, i agree with the opinion that moving in with her would be a bad move, and would make it way harder for you to move on emotionally. also it will be hard to find another girlfriend because many would feel uncomfortable to know their boyfriend is living with their ex-girlfriend... not only as roommates renting a place, but owning a house together as a family! it sounds like it could be a disaster.

also think of her poor son, who will probably get attached to you as a father figure, and then one day when you meet someone else you move out and leave him behind.

[surfhb2]

I don't think Michelle was trying to insult but put more emphasis on HOW FUCCKING BIZARRE AND POOR CHOICE THIS IS !!!

LOL! No....don't proceed with this idea

[VincenzoG91]

It's a trap. Run for your life from this woman. Living with an ex while she has a jealous boyfriend is only going to lead to big time drama. Run, Forrest, Run!

[namemyname]

I didn't get that she wants you to move in.

Maybe her and her BF want you to be in a cuckold relationship?

[michelle23]

my intention wasnt to insult. it was a reality check as this whole thing makes you sound like you live incloud cuckoo land..

i get you love her but she doesnt want you.. your being a doormat hoping and praying she will change her mind. you need to man up. find the strenght and courage to walk away coz you are just holding yourself back

[Millie]

You say you're trying not to be selfish but from the way this reads it seems you think that moving in with her would be the 'selfish' option - because it would solve the 'in need of a change' situation for you, would make sense financially speaking and most importantly, because of your feelings for her and her son. I would suggest that actually you should be selfish, you're a single 25 year old guy, she's not your girlfriend (sorry) and the child is not your son. Selfish would be getting your own place and living life on your own terms - frankly exactly what you should be doing at your age in your situation. Unselfish would be moving in with her because it's what she wants, and because it kinda maybe sorta ticks a couple of boxes for you too.

Moving in with them would be the easy option I guess but it's also a really bad idea for you - you managed to salvage a friendship after your romantic relationship with her ended and that's a good thing - the fact that you've continued (and I hope will continue) to be a positive male role model in the life of her son is awesome and all credit to you for that, but why oh why would you want to complicate your life by changing something that works? I think you have to accept that all the evidence suggests your feelings for her are unrequited, and that being the case, you surely must see that it's a bad idea. Quite aside from the fact that she has a boyfriend (her problem, not yours), have you considered how awkward it's going to be when you start dating and have to explain that you live with your ex girlfriend and her child? Of course that's not the end of the world but why go there when you don't have to?

I can only think that you're hoping moving in with her will make her realise that she 'loves you really', she'll dump the boyfriend in a nice way, you and she will get married, you'll be a great step-dad to her son and perhaps the two of you will go on to have a couple more children together and live happily ever after... it's a nice idea but then most fairy-tales are. I'm sorry Dxvxd, you seem like a really nice guy but I really think you'd be making a mistake if you got more emotionally attached to this woman and her child than you already are.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I only read the title. You're a ****ing idiot.

[dxvxd]

Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond!

Your opinions have basically confirmed what I was leaning towards, which is not doing it. I probably should have stated that I was leaning that way to avoid getting trolled, but whatever. The potential to sell the house down the road for profit is intriguing, but money is not everything to me. Thanks again!

[IndiReloaded]

She needs to ditch her BF if she wants to be with you. She's asking you to make a commitment (buying a home together is a commitment), without making an equal commitment to you.

I'm not interested in stepping on any toes or hurting her relationship.

Are you f-ing kidding me? You are protecting *him* and their relationship? For real? What are *you* getting out of this?