I'm 17 and i had sex with a 35 year old man who I barely know?

[dickriculous]

I don't agree with much of what you said other then the point about society and the double standard but as I said, I don't think your opinion is a "MAJOR" part of why she feels the way she does. You're thinking like a man and she's a woman even if society didn't perpetuate the double standard, there would be different emotions evoked in her then what would be in you.. I agree that she's not a "victim" you can't be a victim if you've volunteered, but that has nothing to do with what I'm debating. As I said, his judgement is impaired if he'd lay with someone that young.

I also went into detail in my reply to searock about the difference in perspective due to me being a man and her being a woman. This is nothing that hasn't been addressed already.

As for his judgement being impaired, I would contend that we need more information before we jump to that conclusion. I could see it turning out to be the case as well as turning out to be a conclusion jumped to all too hastily because of one's bias on a single subject.

Well, that's not earth changing but it certainly does go to her judgement being impaired... Lonely because her husband left her, jepardising both your jobs. If we were to delve further into it, I suppose there would be even more that leads to her psyche..
Marilyn Monroe and BPD comes to mind. lol

I know we'll just have to agree to disagree, dick. I do agree with some of what you say but not all of it... not this time, anyway.

Cheers.

Sex with an element of risk and the forbidden has an appeal that no other kind of sex has. Is it bad judgment or is it having a sense of adventure? I looked at it then and continue to look at it now as the latter.

You say she's fukked up. I say she's adventurous and willing to break the rules to make life more fun and enjoyable.

[Wakeup]

You have a point about the element of adventure... however, you can get that same kind of rush from fvcking someone who isn't 20 years younger then yourself. Same thing about breaking the rules with someone closer to the adult side of life ... as in screwing at work when you're suppose to be working

Even she were in her 20's and he was in his 40's this wouldn't be so distasteful to me. I'm a goer, have no problem with adventure but rather with whom the adventure is taking place. I suppose it's because I have a daughter and wouldn't want some old masher all up over her. and believe me, her father and I were (she's married now) pretty open minded and lenient with our daughter (non restricting like some parents can be). I don't have a son but I'd not want an older lonely women all up on him either.

[Nice]

so she willingly banged him and now regrets it .I don't get this shit

she wasn't forced or anything :s

[Nice]

You have a point about the element of adventure... however, you can get that same kind of rush from fvcking someone who isn't 20 years younger then yourself. Same thing about breaking the rules with someone closer to the adult side of life ... as in screwing at work when you're suppose to be working

Even she were in her 20's and he was in his 40's this wouldn't be so distasteful to me. I'm a goer, have no problem with adventure but rather with whom the adventure is taking place. I suppose it's because I have a daughter and wouldn't want some old masher all up over her. I don't have a son but I'd not want an older lonely women all up on him either and believe me, her father and I are pretty open minded and were a lot less closed minded about things.

how old is ur daughter?

[Wakeup]

Too old for you, lol It's about emotional maturity not chronilogical age and all, sport

[dickriculous]

You have a point about the element of adventure... however, you can get that same kind of rush from fvcking someone who isn't 20 years younger then yourself. Same thing about breaking the rules with someone closer to the adult side of life ... as in screwing at work when you're suppose to be working

She could've, but she chose me. I'm still waiting for a valid explanation as to why I was a bad choice for a lover other than the arbitrary numbers attached to our name. We connected, we developed chemistry, and we had sex. We both enjoyed the experience immensely and we are continuing to enjoy the fact to this day that we got away with it stress free and with no negative consequences of any kind. If it was such a terrible thing I would expect something bad to have happened as a result at some point along the way, or is that an unreasonable expectation? Savagely beating your children is worse than raising them with love and more humane discipline because the former can fukk them up for life no matter how mentally strong they are. Driving drunk is worse than driving sober because you're more likely to kill someone or wreck a vehicle. Kristy having sex with a younger guy with an element of risk involved is worse than for her to have sex with an older guy with an element of risk involved because of.....what terrible thing that happens as a result of her having sex with me that couldn't happen as a result of her having sex with an older guy?

Even she were in her 20's and he was in his 40's this wouldn't be so distasteful to me. I'm a goer, have no problem with adventure but rather with whom the adventure is taking place. I suppose it's because I have a daughter and wouldn't want some old masher all up over her. I don't have a son but I'd not want an older lonely women all up on him either and believe me, her father and I were (she's married now) pretty open minded and lenient with our daughter (non restricting like some parents can be).

You raise your daughter however you want, and if you have a son in the future you raise him however you want, but this isn't your daughter and I'm not your son. Your values toward your kids is of no consequence to how OP's sex life should be or how my sex life should be. If I become a parent and turn a complete 180 you'll be the first to hear about how wrong I've been all along but until then my thoughts are dictated by logical deduction.

[Starnique]

This wasn't about her being forced. It's about how a grown ass man took advantage of a 17 year old girl. Just because the cookie is offered to you, don't mean that you're supposed to eat it all the time.

This reminds me of one of my friends. Not a best a friend but a friend. She moved here from California when she was about 17 or so but prior to moving to where I am from she was 15 and dated a 33 year old. Her mom worked all the time and she had both parents in her life but she felt she was missing attention, idk...But she met the guy, they start dating, he was first and that was that. Older men do manipulate younger women and somewhat control the situation. She told me some of the things that he would do and he was a nasty ass pervert. Now that she is older, she looks back and hates that she let him take advantage of her and basically rob the cradle. Did she consent? Yes, she did but as a grown as man, it's his fault. He knew that she was way too young to be sleeping with and in this country, it's illegal. I think he got her pregnant but she had an abortion. Not only that, my friend told me that she was sitting in the park with friends and this fat ass Mexican(no offense) woman comes up to her saying that he is her man and their married with 4 kids and one on the way, confronting my friend and my friend said she just denied it and acted like she had no idea what this chic was talking about (laughing.. pictured her face lol)but my friend said she was scared as fucck. Turns out this guy had about 9 kids including that woman's. I know that story is diff but it still goes with my point, he manipulated my friend and so what if she liked him, he knew better. Age is important because through that age gap is experience and development. I always wonder about older men who go out with younger women. They all seem manipulative to me and freaky. The older women who date younger men seem desperate and are having midlife crisis because I can understand a young lady wanting stability and maturity of an older man because women mature faster but I cant for the life of me see why a woman would want a younger guy. I'm 25 and a guy my age is young to deal with because I feel a little above their maturity levels.

[Wakeup]

I wonder when you're going to bring Hitler into the discussion, Dick? You've compared yourself and your encounter to the draft. beating children driving drunk.

What you do in the past, forms who you are in the present. I don't know you enough to know how that encounter could have affected your view on women, sex, commitment or any of those things.

The thing is. This thread isn't really about you and how you feel there is nothing wrong with what she did with you. It is about the op and how she feels after she caved to the seduction of an old bastard who,IMO and a few other people here, that if he was right, would never had bedded a GIRL her age, at his age. /////

[dickriculous]

I wonder when you're going to bring Hitler into the discussion, Dick? You've compared yourself and your encounter to the draft. beating children driving drunk.

What you do in the past, forms who you are in the present. I don't know you enough to know how that encounter could have affected your view on women, sex, commitment or any of those things.

The thing is. This thread isn't really about you and how you feel there is nothing wrong with what she did with you. It is about the op and how she feels after she caved to the seduction of an old bastard who,IMO and a few other people here, that if he was right, would never had bedded a GIRL her age, at his age. /////

I know this thread isn't about me, I brought myself into the equation merely as an example, I had no intention of that becoming an entire new debate on it's own. My situation ties in with the point I made before about how shoving down OP's throat that she's some helpless victim (which everyone who's claiming that this guy took advantage of her is guilty of whether they mean to be or not) who's ripe for the manipulating is more destructive than an older guy sleeping with her. Far, FAR more destructive. It needs to come to an end. Whether you realize it or not I'm looking out for OP's best interests. If you go back and read my original post ITT before this spiraled into what it's become now I was trying to talk her into making positive choices about the situation and moving on without demonizing this guy for taking advantage of her, using her, etc. in a way that forces her to accept helpless victims status.

An before you say it, yes I know you agreed with me before about how she is not a victim. However, you also insinuated when you said "she caved to the seduction of an old bastard" that he DID victimize her and that she IS a helpless victim there to be manipulated. He did her wrong by seducing her = he turned her into a victim.

I'm trying to put all of it to an end, to help her adopt a more empowering mentality that doesn't involve her sacrificing her personal power by blaming this guy for using her. She has the choice to do so but the choice becomes harder and harder to make the more it gets insinuated that she's some powerless victim who's so utterly helpless and clueless that she can't even decide who to sleep with according to some people itt when women 1 year older than her are in the military responsible for top secret equipment that affects hundreds of millions of people on an international scale.

[Nice]

i can't remember if i've mentioned this but the guy did give me his number but i deleted it now i don't want anything to do with him.

I find that hard to believe.I bet you are texting him like crazy right now.......

[IndiReloaded]

I actually hurt a living creature, I inflicted physical damage on someone I loved, I created a victim. This girl had sex and later decided "oh shit I'm not actually attracted to this guy". What OP did was akin to picking an entree you think will be delicious that ends up tasting like ass.

She didn't take advantage of me in any shape or form. To take advantage of someone involves an element of deceit, or excessive imposing. Neither of those things happened. We fell into each other's arms and had sex.

First quote is wise beyond your years. I'm impressed (not surprised tho).

The second I would amend slightly. Its not the age delta per se, its when there is a power imbalance, which can come with such an age discrepancy. If your lady was, say, your prof I would have a serious problem with this. Same for the OP. Of course, you could then argue that kind of scenario (a teacher, doctor, etc. taking advantage of their position to entice someone relatively inexperienced) would fit into your Quote #1 above (that you are then creating a victim) and I wouldn't disagree.

Otherwise, if everyone is of age - its just sex... which is natural and fun... cue George:

[IndiReloaded]

It is about the op and how she feels after she caved to the seduction of an old bastard who,IMO and a few other people here, that if he was right, would never had bedded a GIRL her age, at his age. /////

What a weird way to phrase it. She 'caved'? LOL. What is wrong with her being seduced by an older man? I agree with Big D (lol) on this one: she chose, of her own free will, to have sex with this guy. No different from her choosing a flavour of ice cream and deciding she didn't like it. Shrug.

Fault and guilt are such overrated concepts. Unless she was *coerced* in some way as I said above, then this is simply two consenting adults having sex.

Is he a bit of a creep perhaps for wanting a girl 1/2 his age...probably, but it doesn't necessarily make him evil. From the OPs perspective, I don't see she did anything wrong or shameful.

[UndercoverLover]

Is he a bit of a creep perhaps for wanting a girl 1/2 his age...probably, but it doesn't necessarily make him evil. From the OPs perspective, I don't see she did anything wrong or shameful.

Well she clearly feels she did something wrong and shameful.

[IndiReloaded]

Does she really? Or is she just feeling out the opinions of others who are trying to transfer their shame to her? People who judge usually do so b/c they have nothing more interesting happening in their brains.

@ OP - shrug more. Life is too short to revisit past decisions. Life is for the living, not those who wag their fingers.

[TeEnAgEdIrTbAg]

frickin hell u people r dumb she feels bad cos she is a catholic duhhhhhhh!! she has committed a huge sin and gone against her religion!!!

on top of that i wud also regret a dirty ugly creepy old man touchin me ewwww