First of all, some may judge me on what I'm about to write as it includes affairs, if this is the case stop reading as I don't want to offend. If not carry on and thank you in advance for any advice you can give.
I'm not married but recently seperated from a girl I'd been living with and had a kid together when I met this girl. She is 6 years younger than me but it didnt matter, oh I'm 30 by the way. She is married, albeit in a dead relationship with 2 kids, but she was quiet and sweet and hardly the type who would do anything. Anyway we started meeting up, 3 times a week usually as we loved spending time together. Sometimes we went to the pub, other times we sat in her car. Eventually it progressed to me going to hers and it after a couple of months it turned physical. I ain't going to lie, the sex was amazing and we appeared to click.
I'm not one for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I never really told her how I felt and whilst she was clearly growing fond of me I kept quiet much to her frustration. She hated the fact I was so emotionless and rarely said how I felt.
5 months in that changed and I knew I was in love with her, honestly I've never felt about anyone the way I felt when I was with her. And one night a week before I was due to go away with family for a few days whilst together we told each other we loved each other. She was so happy and things seemed to be amazing especially since she had separated from her husband. They still lived together but were no longer together. Before it's questioned whether she had actually separated or not I 100% believe her.
It was not long after that things changed. A few days later I was meant to see her before I went away but she cancelled on me. She gave no really explanation and it was the first time she had ever cancelled to see me. Anyway whilst away I found it hard not being around her, perhaps triggered by the unusual cancellation before I went, i tried to make plans with her once I returned but she was all of a sudden really busy with plans herself. That was early June.
1 month on and everything has changed. We argue a lot and despite attempting to call things off a few times she has always begged me back. She has cancelled plans on the day with me at least half a dozen times saying the babysitter has cancelled. She rarely ever says anything good and never asks to see me.
Obviously I recognised things had gone wrong and when questioned she simply stated that her husband was making it hard with the split and wanted to kick her out and she was scared that he would take full custody of the kids. She felt if he found out she was or had been seeing someone that would ruin her chances of keeping her children once they sorted living arrangements.
But it all didn't seem right. He was rarely at home and yet her texts went from being really chatty to nothing and really slow replies of an evening. On a couple of evenings when out she wouldn't text at all which was odd.
Then in Thursday I rang her and we talked during which she broke down into tears and told me she would try and think of a way to make it work between us. The following evening she text saying she couldn't give me anytime to see me so wanted to just be friends. When I told her no she begged me to come round the following night, which I did. She had cancelled on me 4 times that week prior to me coming over that day. Again she broke down in tears saying she wanted it to be a nice goodbye for both of us. I left with both of us in years after hugging for over an hour.
2 days on it appears to be finally over. Despite us still texting still tonight she didn't beg me back, a one word text later and it's gone.
My issue is this;
The past 5 weeks or so have been awful and so upsetting for me. At least 70% of all our plans were cancelled by her. When we were together it was great but it was around once a week max. She didn't once come to see me and became more distant.
Today she stands by that it is ending coz she couldn't give us the time due to issues sorting out her ending marriage. I have no doubt it has ended due to Facebook stuff so I know she isn't lying there. But she constantly says she doesn't have time to make it work yet on Saturday asked to see me and it wasnt an issue then? So on one hand I have a girl who gets upset and begs me back when I go and on the other hand says she doesn't have time!
I'm inclined to believe one of 2 things. Either a) once we expressed feelings she got bored or 2) it's someone else. I just wish I knew which. As I said, when we were together it was perfect, she just made no effort for the last 4-5 weeks.
I really feel messed about.
Help