I'm 17 and i had sex with a 35 year old man who I barely know?

[searock]

I too was in a similar situation and felt absolutely none of these things. And what's the most outstanding difference between you and I? I am male, and you are female. My gender is held to different social standards than yours. My gender is both biologically programmed and socialized to think differently than yours, and I'm going to address the latter in depth as this discussion goes on because it's, imo, the most important subject of the discussion that needs to be zeroed in on. I'll start here by adding that nobody makes my gender out to be a 3.5 billion population of perpetual victims who are utterly incapable of fending for themselves. This outstanding difference coexists with the fact that I didn't feel like a victim and both you and OP did.

I told you, it's not just because of that. I dunno about OP, but in my case he was a person I respected and looked up to... then he did that and everything changed. He took advantage of my trust and admiration. I know you don't believe me, but I've had many years to think about it and I know how it is. We'll just agree to disagree.

It's not that black and white. Two points here - first off there are PLENTY of 17 year olds who are ready for sex, just as there are 35 year olds that you would find too immature for it by your standards if you sat down and talked to them. The numbers don't tell the whole story, if they did then there's no way 15 year olds in ages past could have ever commanded armies to victory over 20, 30, and 40 year olds. There would be no way a gifted intellectual could possibly have more figured out about the world by age 13 than an average adult has at 25. There would be no way a kid could ever outwit an adult. Every kid in the world would be more of an emotional wreck than every adult. Your assertion about how someone in their 20's is more ready for sex than a 17 year old only tells us how things should be on paper, which doesn't always reflect how things really work in real life.

You are talking about intellectual abilities here, I am talking about experience and emotional maturity. Different things.

Second, one year after that age you describe as being too emotionally immature to decide who I can have sex with I had to sign up to be eligible for the draft, which gave my government the right from that day forward to conscript me into the army and send me overseas to get shot at and eat explosives in service to the United States Government should the need arise. If I'm old enough and mature enough to bear that responsibility, I'm 10x older and more mature than I need to be to decide if I want a woman in her 20's or 30's wrap her pussy around my cock.

I don't agree with the military thing - at that age, one is too immature to be able to make such a life-changing decision for him/herself. Of course the government(s) take advantage of this immaturity - not a lot of adults in their right mind would voluntarily sign up for something like that.

You're right, they're not only a result of that double standard. They're also the result of society shoving implication after implication down her throat that she is a helpless, powerless victim who's there to be exploited and who's life is ruined if she allows something like this to happen because of how weak and incapable of making her own choices she is, this is FAR more psychologically damaging than an older guy having sex with her. And all this talk about how this guy took advantage of her, used her, etc. is serving only to exacerbate this psychologically damaging, disempowering victim mentality. There is no non-destructive way to tell someone "you're too helpless, powerless, and clueless to so much as decide who to have sex with".

Had she been older than 20, living on her own and being her own woman, none of us would be saying anything like this. We aren't saying these things because she's a girl (at least, I'm not), we're saying them because she's a kid. Also, I don't think her "life is ruined" due to one bad decision - everybody makes mistakes, especially at a young age. My life certainly wasn't ruined, I don't feel like I'm a slut or powerless or any of those things (although I did feel powerless when it happened) - I just regret for that bad decision I took and I feel disgusted at the "man" who let it happen. But it's in the past, I've moved past it a long time ago, and I've learned to see it as a learning experience rather than a traumatizing one.

[searock]

she was 15 and dated a 33 year old. Her mom worked all the time and she had both parents in her life but she felt she was missing attention, idk...But she met the guy, they start dating, he was first and that was that. Older men do manipulate younger women and somewhat control the situation. She told me some of the things that he would do and he was a nasty ass pervert. Now that she is older, she looks back and hates that she let him take advantage of her and basically rob the cradle. Did she consent? Yes, she did but as a grown as man, it's his fault. He knew that she was way too young to be sleeping with

This^^^...

[rafterman]

I just love way people fvck up in life, and then turn around and shift the blame, once they've realised they made a bad decision.
Everyone loves a 'Fall guy'.......This thread is just Balls

[rafterman]

Wow, very interesting discussion. One point, what is this "he wasn't even good looking"? Seriously age doesn't matter if you are good looking? That sort of makes the entire argument a little mute. So is it a bad thing because he was older and not good looking but if he was Brad Pitt at age 35 you would be bragging about it? Ugh. Anyways, I am 35 and definitely associate with younger women but 17 sounds way to young for a 35 yer old, I freak out a little when I'm talking to a girl at bar and she says she is 21, actually they lie a lot about their age a lot. However, overall really interesting subject, really hard to say what is right or wrong in this case.

I think like this guy^^^ good points brought up.... Seems like the OP has a standard, when it comes to sleeping with an older man.....Shallow standards, with exceptions, just sayin'

[michelle23]

omfg i think a lot of people are just missing the point. I honestly dont know why this has gone on for ten pages discussing whether the dude was a perv or not and whether she feels bad coz of double standards or not..

Look I am not religious, I have never been one to follow the crowd, I was never thought sex is bad or dirty and I was never afraid to be called a slut. If I wanted to sleep with a whole football team I would and I wouldn't give two f**ks what anyone thinks of me. So society and religion have not influenced me at all.

For me sex is personal, intimate and should be shared with someone I care about. I came to that conclusion on my own without ever being brainwashed.. so I think the argument really holds no ground.

The reality is that sex requires a lot of trust for a woman and those bonding hormones that are released upon orgasm can make a woman very vulnerable. We have all heard the saying "chew your arm off" which applies to men and women who really cannot get away fast enough.

Anyone (male or female) could enjoy the moment and regret it after.

Look at these poor saps who say "gf dumped me but still meets me for sex.. I know I have to be strong and say no because it hurts when she leaves again" etc.

Sex makes us all vulnerable.

[Wakeup]

IndieReloaded:

Is he a bit of a creep perhaps for wanting a girl 1/2 his age...probably, but it doesn't necessarily make him evil. From the OPs perspective, I don't see she did anything wrong or shameful.

This is the gist of it. I add only that I think he is a creep and most likely much more for having the proclivity to bed a teen that much younger then himself. Doesn't matter if he's a doctor or a prof. The way I see it, there is no line there... the ages involved are still the same ages.

Dickrickulous:

An before you say it, yes I know you agreed with me before about how she is not a victim. However, you also insinuated when you said "she caved to the seduction of an old bastard" that he DID victimize her and that she IS a helpless victim there to be manipulated. He did her wrong by seducing her = he turned her into a victim.

Because of his age, compared to hers, I do believe she is a quasi-victim because obviously she's too emotionally immature to make such a decision and yes, in her case "caved" is an appropriate word considering how she subsequently processed her own actions. However: If she' goes back for more, then she definately is a volunteer and absolutely no victim, quasi or otherwise.

This debate isn't perpetuating her own disgust or sense of "victimhood." She was disgusted before any of even knew she was. Just because I or other people find him to be a creep (or more?) doesn't reinforce her feelings of victimhood. She's never blamed him and is digusted with herself. ALL of us has tried to reassure her that she'll be fine in time and shouldn't feel the way she is and consider it a learning curve.

My posts are about how vile I see him, how I wonder what HE was thinking, where his better judgement was more then anything else.

SeaRock:

We aren't saying these things because she's a girl (at least, I'm not), we're saying them because she's a kid.

Yep.

[Wakeup]

Something of interest:

What is Canada's age of consent?
The age of consent for sexual activity is 16 years. It was raised from 14 years on May 1, 2008 by the Tackling Violent Crime Act.

However, the age of consent is 18 years where the sexual activity "exploits" the young person -- when it involves prostitution, pornography or occurs in a relationship of authority, trust or dependency (e.g., with a teacher, coach or babysitter). Sexual activity can also be considered exploitative based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, e.g., the young person's age, the age difference between the young person and their partner, how the relationship developed (quickly, secretly, or over the Internet) and how the partner may have controlled or influenced the young person.

.

Link: http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html

I wonder if their age difference is considered to be "exploiting?"

[stev123]

time to get a rope and a chair

[Wakeup]

Now, now Stev. Keep your auto erotic-asphyxiation private. lol

[dickriculous]

I told you, it's not just because of that. I dunno about OP, but in my case he was a person I respected and looked up to... then he did that and everything changed. He took advantage of my trust and admiration. I know you don't believe me, but I've had many years to think about it and I know how it is. We'll just agree to disagree.

I respected, trusted, and admired Kristy, and I still didn't feel like a victim. You can say "that's not it" all you want but I have to go by the evidence I see, and the evidence I see is that that the two most outstanding points that coexist as differences between our cases are the two that I pointed out in my last reply to you and as long as that remains the case I have to put two and two together in how I perceive the situation.

You are talking about intellectual abilities here, I am talking about experience and emotional maturity. Different things.

The amount of maturity of ALL kinds required to command an army to victory while your life and the fate of your empire is on the line is exponentially greater than that required to choose a sex partner. The latter is too miniscule to even register on any kind of scale that can possibly measure the former.

I don't agree with the military thing - at that age, one is too immature to be able to make such a life-changing decision for him/herself. Of course the government(s) take advantage of this immaturity - not a lot of adults in their right mind would voluntarily sign up for something like that.

And what about the ones that volunteer to join the military at that age? Do you disagree with that and think they are too immature? If so, the millions of people who are doing so as we speak all disagree. The ones who got in the military fresh out of high school and are effectively bearing the weight of exponentially bigger responsibilities than deciding who to have sex with are not only disagreeing with you but actually poving you wrong by handling their responsibilities just fine. Some of them are responsible for multi-million dollar top secret equipment that affects hundreds of millions of people on an international scale. Everyone higher ranking who joined out of high school and went through what the young ones today are going through and went on to become leaders all disagree with you, and spent years proving you wrong by handling the same or similar aforementioned responsibilities as the young guns today are handling.

If the amount of maturity of ALL kinds required to do what many late teen women are doing in the military today is enough to fill an ocean, the amount required to decide all by herself who to have sex with would fit inside a shot glass.

Had she been older than 20, living on her own and being her own woman, none of us would be saying anything like this. We aren't saying these things because she's a girl (at least, I'm not), we're saying them because she's a kid.

And I am disagreeing with all associated notions that this automatically disqualifies her from being mature enough to be able to choose who to have sex with, because the amount of maturity of all kinds required to decide who to have sex with is a speck of dust being compared to a mountain when you measure it against the amount required to do what a great number of people within a year or two of her age are doing and an even greater number have done in the past.

Because of his age, compared to hers, I do believe she is a quasi-victim because obviously she's too emotionally immature to make such a decision and yes, in her case "caved" is an appropriate word considering how she subsequently processed her own actions. However: If she' goes back for more, then she definately is a volunteer and absolutely no victim, quasi or otherwise.

This debate isn't perpetuating her own disgust or sense of "victimhood." She was disgusted before any of even knew she was. Just because I or other people find him to be a creep (or more?) doesn't reinforce her feelings of victimhood. She's never blamed him and is digusted with herself. ALL of us has tried to reassure her that she'll be fine in time and shouldn't feel the way she is and consider it a learning curve.

My posts are about how vile I see him, how I wonder what HE was thinking, where his better judgement was more then anything else.

Read my reply to searock, I explain rather thoroughly how "her age makes her obviously too immature to make such a decision" is a bunk theory.

No amount of telling her "it's all his fault, he's a creep" is going to change the fact that when you demonize him for what he did to her based on her being incapable of making a simple choice like who to have sex with, you automatically resign her to helpless victim status. It is absolutely impossible to have an offender against someone without that someone being a victim. Therefore, everyone's hate spewing against him which makes him out to have done something terrible to her all based on the fact that her age disqualifies her from the capacity to make this simple choice herself DOES perpetuate her helpless victim status. Someone who's not a helpless, powerless victim can make much bigger choices and tackle much, much bigger responsibilities than this, as indeed many of them are on a daily basis.

I know she was already disgusted and all that before anyone said anything, but I don't see how that refutes the point I'm making. If I already have a knife wound and you jam a machete inside of it, yes i was already wounded but you just stopped me from being able to heal. My advice to OP for her to heal is to stop jamming a mechete in the knife wound - in other words eradicate all beliefs and all thoughts that force her to accept this helpless victim status and the extreme disempowerment that comes with accepting that she is so massively weak minded that she can't even bear the weight of the responsibility of choosing who to have sex with, all while people within a year or two of her age are bearing the weight of exponentially greater responsibilities as has been mentioned multiple times now.

[stev123]

[QUOTE=Wakeup;923310]Now, now Stev. Keep your auto erotic-asphyxiation private. lol[/QUOTE


just googled that

no thanks jeff

[Wakeup]

... lmao ...

[Wakeup]

Dick: no matter how many times you repeat YOUR theory. I'm not going to agree with it. Nor will I agree with anyone that thinks it's brilliant. There is a good reason why the Canadian Goverment puts a restriction on that age of consent at 16.
If he were her age or only a few years older and she felt this way, I'd not keep on about him.
So: I Agree to Disagree once again.

What is Canada's age of consent?
The age of consent for sexual activity is 16 years. It was raised from 14 years on May 1, 2008 by the Tackling Violent Crime Act.

However, the age of consent is 18 years where the sexual activity "exploits" the young person -- when it involves prostitution, pornography or occurs in a relationship of authority, trust or dependency (e.g., with a teacher, coach or babysitter). Sexual activity can also be considered exploitative based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, e.g., the young person's age, the age difference between the young person and their partner, how the relationship developed (quickly, secretly, or over the Internet) and how the partner may have controlled or influenced the young person.

[stev123]

moral of the thread, sloots gonna sloot.

[michelle23]

yawn.......