Would It Be Weird With My Boyfriend If I Became Room-mates With My Guy Friend?

[Bomba]

seriously hun your friend has a hidden agenda and your bf doesn't like you being too close to your friend. That is my opinion.

How serious are you and your bf? I was with mine 3 years before moving in together but we are both young i'm 23, hes 24 which is why we waited so long.

Well, we've been together for over a year, and he's always talking about stuff we need to do, he plans things like a year in advance, says we'd need a lot of space for all the things we want, says he can see himself growing old with me, that sort of thing. But it seems kind of soon to be thinking about living together NOW. Or overwhelming. Or SOMEthing.

Living with my friend would be no pressure, no problem (except, admittedly, for appearances, feelings, logistics, etc.). We get along well and are both rather easy-going. My boyfriend and I get along much the same way, actually.

But thinking of LIVING with my boyfriend seems scary, like permanent or SERIOUS or I don't know. And of course the thought of NOT living with him is scary, too. I love my boyfriend so very much and can't picture myself with anyone but him, but am very confused as to how to proceed from here, because it does feel like something needs to happen at some point soon, but WHAT???

I wish I could just maintain my current living situation somehow and not have to deal with these relationship milestone moments right now...

[michelle23]

can you get a flat mate to move in with you? (female)

[Bomba]

All my female friends are married/living with someone...

[VincenzoG91]

Decide on your priorities. If saving money is more important than being in a happy relationship, then just know that about yourself and act accordingly. Don't agonize over it, be who you are.

[michelle23]

who says it needs to be a friend? Put an add in the paper, meet people who respond and move in the person you like the most. Kind of like an interview. Or out a poster up on some local shops, cafes, restaurants etc.

1 bed room available with shared living, kitchen and toilet facilities to share with one other person. Rent = $$ per month. Bills included in rent or bills will cost more etc
take a picture of the bedroom

[Bomba]

who says it needs to be a friend? Put an add in the paper, meet people who respond and move in the person you like the most. Kind of like an interview. Or out a poster up on some local shops, cafes, restaurants etc.

1 bed room available with shared living, kitchen and toilet facilities to share with one other person. Rent = $$ per month. Bills included in rent or bills will cost more etc
take a picture of the bedroom

That IS a good idea, and one that I had considered. But now, having been thinking about all this, I wonder if that wouldn't just put more distance between us knowing where we see ourselves in the near future?
Like, should I flat out (no pun intended) ask him if he'd like to look into some kind of rooming situation? Kind of giving him right of first refusal before I venture out to find a room-mate?

I feel like if the situation were reversed, I'd like first dibs on being his room-mate if that were an option...except that it's not as cut and dried as that, is it?

Damn, though, because of the timing, it's like either we feel pressured to do something too big too soon, or it gets put off for too long because of some new commitment (lease or otherwise). I hate this!!

[VincenzoG91]

You said that you've only been together for over a year, so it's not unreasonable to still have your own separate living arrangements. Living with a friend sometimes doesn't turn out well, because living together can force issues that wouldn't otherwise be relevant in just a friendship. I was roommates with my best friend for one year in college, and later we shared an apartment for a year while in our mid-20s. We're still good friends but not best friends anymore, because living together did put a strain on the friendship at times. Also, if you're reasonably attractive, it's likely that your guy friend has had some sexual thoughts about you that could cause trouble once you live together.

[michelle23]

Sign the new flat mate up on a 6month contact and tell them that as long as it suits both of you after that they can stay. If you need them to leave you will give them as much notice as possible (minimum being 1 month) and they have to do the same vice versa.

You are overcomplicating this and making excuses. Its simple

your bf would have asked you to move in already if he wanted that. Set a target in your head - if he hasnt asked you to move in together in the next year you will break up with him

[Bomba]

Yeah, I like that idea, that would be a good compromise (doing a three or six month deal) and help out in the immediate.

As far as my guy friend, we've never been sexual at all, but a lot of people HAVE thought we were "together" (or that we should be...even knowing my boyfriend now), so you may be right. Not necessarily about him liking me or whatever, but about things maybe getting weird. It just seems like too much closeness with someone who is not my boyfriend. Even if it was a girl, you know?

Ok, these are great ideas, thank you!! I'm going to see what kind of response I get to a room-mate want ad and take it from there. And, I will man up and have a good conversation with my boyfriend as to what I'm planning/needing/wanting to do and why (in other words, give him first dibs, or let him off the hook, lol).

[michelle23]

Bst of luck. Im not saying to cut the friend out of your life completely-just create some distance.

Its important to have boundaries.

Example:

1. Not to discuss relationship issues with him
2. To keep leaning on someone for emotional support or confiding solely for your bf, family and female friends
3. Bring someone else along when you spend time together-no one on one alone time or dating activities such as dinner, drinks, movie etc
4. No hugging, cuddling, hand holding
5. Keep texting etc to a minimum

[michelle23]

With regards to your bf-now would be a good time to discuss your future together and figure out if your both on the same page and whether this is actually going somewhere.

[michelle23]

Also have you ever considered that your friends may be right? Its weird that you have never wondered would you and he be good together since you are so close and all.

The only reason im saying that is coz plenty of women have come here saying "ive been best friends with a gy for x years, with my bf 4 years-live together and engaged. We were always happy.. But recently my best friend told me hes in love with me.. Now im so confused, friends have always said we would be perfect.. Am i marrying the wrong man"?

It would be AWFUL to find yourself in a situation like that and its the main reason i dont agree with male/female friendships

[HeartIsAching]

I think it'd be a problem.

[menace2soceity]

.......bad idea