Okay, ready to break up

[kimhotcake]

So I am finally ready to break up with my boyfriend of a year. A couple days ago, he said definitively he doesn't want kids. This is clearly a deal breaker for me. He lives on the opposite side of the same house, in a separate suite, but the way it is now he uses my kitchen all the time because his kitchen is really crappy.

Is it super-weird if I break up with him but still let him use my kitchen for a while? Should I tell him I want him to move all his stuff over to his side? I don't feel super-angry with him or bitter or anything. We just have different life goals.

Can I still talk to him if I see him around, or should I cut off all contact for a while? I've only ever broken up with guys who are total losers I never wanted to see again. Is it possible to break up with someone and not totally cut them off? Where is the line? Can I still be Facebook friends with him? Should I discuss this all with him?

[michelle23]

It is better to have no contact at all. If that is not possible than just say a polite hello when you do see him. Yes ask him to move his stuff and dont allow him to use your kitchen. Also dont go back and have sex with him when your feeling lonely or horny. If its over, its over.

Start looking into other living arrangements. Its best if you move out asap to make it easier for both of you

Good luck

[thompkevin]

I think you should just tell him to use his kitchen. It won't be the end of the world for him. I am sure he can make his kitchen work if he wanted to. Besides, you should try to stay away from him for a while. I know you feel like he is a nice guy and you can be friends with him but you are going to feel a lot for him after the breakup and you might set back by staying in touch with him.

[billyking]

I get really irked and frustrated by the way in which people determine to break up. "I am finally ready to break up". I find this unfair but also I know it happens almost all the time that the dumper works it out in their head for many weeks or months beforehand without speaking to their partner about their unhappy feelings.

The reason I get frustrated is that you have given him no chance. You have harboured these feelings until you reach a point where whatever he says or does is NEVER going to change your mind.

I realize kids may be a deal breaker but he may not realize that. When he says he does not want children people change their opinions over time. He also as I said not know how important they are to you and therefore may not have given it serious thought and just said it casually that he does not want children.

You should be communicating with him your unhappiness not holding it inside until you have reached a point where not only do you want to break up but you are so convinced you must break up your partner has no opportunity to think about and act on your unhappiness and potentially lead to compromize and resolution.

[billyking]

If you really love him then no you cannot be friends with them immediately. If you just have dated and have had a fun time then you most probably can. In order to be friends you will have to take a lot of time away from him until you no longer have a burning sensation in your heart when you think or interact with him.

At least thats why I deleted my contact with my ex. But as I wrote in my own thread it really doesn't or as of yet has not helped me get over him or miss him any less.

[michelle23]

I get what your saying billy but people don't say things like that if they don't mean it. Its a big deal to say you never want kids and it would be a deal breaker for most men and women. I feel its important to discuss these things early. Not as in telling him I wana have your babies but letting him know that your future plan is to one day get married and have kids. If he doesn't see that in his future then you should walk away early to avoid either of you getting hurt further down the line. Its common sense really to make sure you both have the same life goals before getting serious.