Asking a Shy Guy Out! Help!!

[swedeace]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here but not new to forums! I just Googled some advice and came across this forum as one of my results.

Anyway, I REALLY need some advice and hope someone (or a lot of people) can really help me on this one. It's kinda long....

Well, here goes....

I work in a computer lab facility at a college, and I just began noticing this student. I've been noticing him all semester and only began *wanting* to get him to notice me and approach him last week. I see him once a week on Fridays, and I have attempted to talk with him BOTH Fridays (this past and the one before it).

I am quiet and reserved myself, and he seems like it too because he doesn't really talk with his classmates and just concentrates on his lectures and assignments. From that, I gather he is quiet.

I discreetly found out his name and a little about his personality through his computer teacher, and she's described him as being "so quiet and shy and does really great graphics work." I just can't help but to keep looking at him through the door's window and just wander inside the computer classroom and straighten up and "fix" computers next to him.

Finally, last Friday I decided to try and converse with him. I guess I asked close-ended sentences because he chuckled a bit and just answered basically "yes" and "no" answers. Argh!

This past Friday, I tried smiling, greeting him as he arrived to class, and chit-chatting right before he left class, but again - he was responding little and chuckling. I get the impression all that chuckling was done out of nervousness. From that, he DOES seem quiet and shy....

I understand dates are to be quiet mutual (the attraction thing), but what if I'd like to attempt to go up to him and ask if he'd like to have lunch or have juice/coffee next Friday? I hope he isn't taken, but it's difficult to find out in the computer labs until I *actually* talk with him during that supposed outing. And I do not want to wait until he comes to me because, 1) that is a probability it would NEVER happen if I just sit and wait, 2) next Friday is THE end of the semester and am not sure if he'll take summer classes *bites nails out of nervousness*, 3) What if he's not interested in me, 4) he's already taken, or 4) he's TOO darn shy, in general! I asked what classes he's taking in the summer, and he said, "Oh, I haven't decided yet." Does that mean he really hasn't or just said that because he's shy, or

I talked about this with a couple of co-worker friends, and they've told me, "Just go and ask him! What do you have to lose?" That is getting me pumped.....

So, what do I do? Shall I ask him out next Friday? It's my absolute LAST day... that is, if he's NOT taking summer classes. But I don't know...

Any advice?

[Only-virgins]

You mean ..."YOU" as a "FEMALE" are going to ask a "GUY" out for a date? NON-SENSE!. Such things do not happen like that on this planet.

[swedeace]

Of course they exist! Hehe... I've done it before - last summer. Hehe!

Some shy guy even encouraged me to approach my crush because "shy guys LOVE it when girls go up to them."

It just doesn't get any easier with each guy I crush on....

[Only-virgins]

Of course they exist! ....

Not were I live. A girl just stared at me and wondered like an idiot why I am not asking her.

[wwefan300]

Basically im a shy person. I say talk to him and tell him how you feel or else hes just gunna think your just a friend.

[mhussain]

swedeace,

ask him simple, plainly. trust me , if he likes u he WILL agree. and if he says that i dont know or some else that is vague....just say to him with a smile..." i will wait for at so and so hour on friday" and just quietly leave....

i do understand that u r shy...but if u like this guy and u feel that he isnt going to come to u...well then..... gotta start somewhere

as for only-virgins....such things do happen on this planet mate...just havent happened to u...hope they do has happened to me and it is a nice feelng

[swedeace]

swedeace,

ask him simple, plainly. trust me , if he likes u he WILL agree. and if he says that i dont know or some else that is vague....just say to him with a smile..." i will wait for at so and so hour on friday" and just quietly leave....

i do understand that u r shy...but if u like this guy and u feel that he isnt going to come to u...well then..... gotta start somewhere

Thanks for your suggestions! I have decided I WILL go forth with it. Well, knowing me... I say that NOW because it's four days away, but I hope to NOT chicken out come Friday morning... *gulp, gulp*

Hehe... That IS also true! This Friday will be the TEST - the absolute last time during this semester, supposing he won't take summer classes (or computer classes in my building). Makes me nervous, but yeah, it's good to just test to see how he'd react. I only have about three chances on that ONE Friday left - 1) when he goes to class, 2) when he is in class and I straighten up computers around him and compliment his work - so difficult since he keeps to himself! and 3) synchronize when he's leaving and then walk with him out into the hall and then ask. *blush*

That is, I am hoping he's not already taken! There's no way to find out beforehand, is there? Should he return next semester, I wonder how these feelings would be - should he turn me down. Especially when I have to walk around him and sub his classes? I mean, part of my job is that I walk in and out of the computer labs, straighten up, help students, etc. It would be awkward. I just have to pray it will be either good or mediocre. The last guy I asked out said "we could email as friends." He was so polite and nice about it after asking him out. He only turned me down and said he was honored was because he is gay.

That's just it with this guy - he's SO shy! If I can just get him to talk with me MORE than just "yes" and "no" and chuckling answers, it'll help break the ice. I dunno...

QUESTION: Any other girls have "asking out guys" stories to share? OR, does any guy have "girls asked me out" stories to share? I want to read more to get more ideas.... Thanks!!!

[Ratfish256]

Last week a girl asked me out which was pretty cool. Im shy and I really like when that happens. Needless to say the date went ok, although it was her first date ever (Im 19 she is 20), which was a little odd considering I thought she seemed like she had dated more. Anyway nothing came of it and I am falling in love with someone else. The date showed me how much this other girl meant to me. Sorry for the mindless rambelings. Good luck to you though.

[Junket]

Not were I live. A girl just stared at me and wondered like an idiot why I am not asking her.

Who said gender roles were dead?

[swedeace]

I have to update you all on what has happened, but I will have to write it up and then post it. Hint: It *is* going well for me. *wink* So thank you all for the advice!!! *kiss*

Be back soon....

[moeburn]

Well you're making more progress than the girl who had a crush on me for 5 months and refused to do anything about it herself.

[hopelesromantic]

I'm a shy guy, and wound find it rather flattering if someone took the time to come over and talk to me and then ask me out.

I hope it goes well for you!

H.M.

[mhussain]

me too

Hussain

[swedeace]

Thanks, mhussain, hopelesromantic, and moeburn!

I ended up taking all the advice I read in this forum as well as what friends have told me and what I’ve read in “flirting tips” resources and combined them all to make my final decision on how to approach my crush. I used nearly every tip except for the “leave him alone because he’s not interested in you” advice presented in a couple of forums.

I waited for his arrival to class to try and chit-chat a little before he actually walked into his class, as I had planned. The nice thing is we techs can be lingering around the hallways where it wouldn’t be too obvious or anything and not look like we’re waiting for people. I thought about approaching him casually in two different occasions before actually asking him out for coffee. This way, it gives some ease into making him feel a little comfortable instead of me just “jumping in” and scaring him away with such an approachable request. This is where I took those people’s advice of “approach him a little more so he knows me a little more.”

The second approach was during his class after his teacher had students present their final projects. After, the teacher was going around the classroom and grading assignments while students were leaving. It gave me time to continue sitting next to my crush and just install dummy programs and scan the computer for “errors.” I noticed he kept looking at my computer screen but would not ask anything until we talked more later. I kept walking in and out as though I was looking for CDs and floppies. I finally complimented his final project, and from there, we began talking more and more about computers, classes, cooking, languages, games, and so on. I could feel he was getting more comfortable around me since he asked what my hobbies are and I reciprocated. He was so amazed I understood advanced computer terminology, and that pepped my self-confidence up by SO much!

I was out in the hallway when he was wrapping up his books to leave, and as he walked through the hall beside us to let me know he was leaving. As my co-worker walked away, I knew it would be now or never. I asked him, “Would you like to have coffee sometime?” He looked at me, paused for a second, chuckled a bit, and proceeded with “yeah.” So then I wrote him my phone number and email address and handed it to him. I mentioned that “we could talk more about languages and computers.” We proceeded to greet each other there and then.

With the lengthy conversations and our interests flaring, I was utmost confident our interests were mutual. He knows I initiated to talk with him, I have initiated an open invitation to coffee, so I would mix “dating” initiations a little by leaving the rest to him – to decide to see if he would want to get to know me more as a person. So, the advice about “not coming on strong if he’s shy” and “don’t allow” myself to always be the initiator comes to play here. They’re mixed, so I am just waiting now.

The end result? My main concern was wanting to, at least, have a chit-chat moment to get a feel of who he is and what kind of person he is. With this, it has helped me and him get to know each other become more than strangers and move into “familiar faces,” so we asked and answered questions and BOTH become comfortable with each other. I could tell by our conversation flow we were both enjoying each other’s company.

I have left the cards open to him by initiating a conversation and moving into asking if he’d like to have coffee as he was leaving. This got the ball rolling, and hopefully he takes the hint that I am interested in him. Now is the waiting game of his interest in me. Now, the waiting game begins….

To all who have participated in suggesting advice, THANK YOU!

[swedeace]

I wanted to update everyone that in my situation I did get an email from him after 11 days of not hearing from him. He even added a bit of humor that I can curse him with Voodoo because he felt bad for taking a while!! Haha! What a funny guy!

Well, he has been going through stuff lately (that health-related personal stuff I suspected), and he doesn't think dating would be good for him right now. He enjoyed talking with me and is hoping we can talk more. That's sweet! At least, being a friend is all right at the moment, for me. That's what he needs - a friend. Who knows about the future, but it's okay for me.

We have been emailing back and forth since I have heard from him, and his emails crack me up! He is SO funny and such a jokester, too! Hehe..I don't even know if I am picking it up correctly, but he's asked me a personal question AND has been quite flirty in a couple two of his sentences. My first initiative was to respond in a flirty manner, too. You know, to reciprocate. Who knows....

Thanks again, everyone!