I need to get out

[Struggler]

Hi guys I'm a 25 year old male and I wouldn't normally post in a forum like this but I just need to let it all out.
I have had a girlfriend for 4 years who I met back at University. We have had some great times together in the past but back in December she got angry and hit out at me because I apparently annoyed her. Because it was just before Xmas I didn't finish her and we are still together to this day.
I have never really forgiven her and we have had regular arguments over a nature of subjects in the past few months. She can be very clingy and she keeps going on about moving in with me but this is something I don't want.
I have tried to talk to her about everything but she always manages to talk me around.
I believe that the attack was an isolated incident however I just don't enjoy everything the way I used to. My family aren't her greatest fan anymore either and she strongly dislikes my brother for no apparent reason.
The problem I have is being 25 I have been thinking long term and I don't see her as marriage material and I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with her. The hardest part is breaking up with her after 4 years. I don't suppose anyone can offer me any advice?

[horndog]

Honestly, you already know what is the best thing for your future by the sounds of it. Seems to me the only advice you need is how to actually break up? I would suggest an very open face to face discussion and tell her exactly what you have told us. maybe you could even rent some time in a local gyms boxing ring to drop the news? All kidding aside, physical violence in a relationship should never be tolerated from either sex.

[SqueamishPuppet]

My girlfriend of 3 years called things quits about a month ago. She also had a problem with my brother for awhile because of something he said when he was drunk and angry. It took over a year for her to let it go. Then when she finally did she had a problem with my parents because they aren't very inquisitive people. She took it personally that they didn't care about her. Trust me you don't want to deal with these issues. I see now I'm better off without her even though we always had a good time together and were the best of friends I didn't want that in my life partner.

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[Wakeup]

You're looking for permission to break up with her. You have mine.

[michelle23]

Its not easy to end a long term relationship. It is hard to hurt this person that you obviously care about a lot but sometimes you do just gotta be cold as ice. Its for her own good. You need to tell her straight that its not working, your not happy and its time to go your separate ways. At first she may beg or plead, cling to you, cry etc (its usually the shock/denial reaction that most people go through) but its important not to give in to her during this. You just need to stay strong and say I'm sorry, I hate hurting you but it IS over and nothing you say or do will change my mind. Then just say its better if we have no contact so we can both heal and get on with our lives.

Do NOT give her any mixed signals at all. Dont give her false hope because she will cling to it. You have to be very clear that it is over and then you have to leave her alone. No ringing her when your drunk and lonely or horny etc. No asking her to meet you for coffee as friends etc. No FB messages or emails or nice texts. Nothing. You will hurt her more if you allow her to think there is a chance.

If you do find yourself regretting ending it TOUGH. You made your choice, you ended it and that is it, its over. There is no going back

[4 ratties]

Well you're unhappy and don't see a future with her and don't want to live together despite being together for four whole years.
Time to break up now. Find a time to get together and make it happen. And don't try the "being friends crap" it's not going to work especially since she's already a clingy person.

[TablesandChairs]

I had similar concerns about breaking up with an ex; he was clingy and everyone thought he was this fragile, gentle creature who loved me more than life. Well, I had a different take because I actually knew him. Breaking up with his was such a relief.

And you know what? He was fine. He moved on quickly after a brief period of 'my life is over'. It wasn't. But yours will be if you stay stuck in something that brings you no joy.