I dated someone years ago for a brief period of time. After we ended things I was left heart broken and confused. We had the best time together, all his friends loved me and we could talk about anything...hours went by like minutes. Then, all of a sudden when I started to put the squeeze on him he got freaked out and vanished. He didn't sleep with anyone or date anyone else for months after we ended things. He told me this himself and so did everyone else. His boss (whom he has known and worked for for 15 years) suggested to a close friend of mine that he might be gay. I am thinking about all of this again b/c he keeps trying to be my friend...and I am again very confused about what he wants from me. He knows I am attracted to him and that I want more than friendship...I have over heard his friends ask him "Why aren't you dating her?" They all love me and the other week when he was hugging me goodbye he said "I love you" to me?? Now, it's been about a month and he has only contacted me once to confide in me about concerns he has for a male friend of ours.
Here's why I am confused -
- He heavily flirts with me at times. Winks at me, finds reasons to touch me, long stares when I am not looking, tells me I am a beautiful woman etc..but at the end of the night we go our separate ways.
- He calls me "baby" & "hun"
- He shows me off to his friends...weirdly...too much. Makes it a point to put me on display.
- Before when we dated he only really every felt comfortable having sex when he was drunk...and it always felt like he was performing rather than letting himself go and being with me in the moment.
- He gossips with me about everything under the sun...still. He loves to gossip.
- He is super sensitive and over thinks everything. He always says "I am just as sensitive as a woman"
- He is totally homophobic, but when he is drunk he will make jokes about himself giving guys blow jobs etc...
- He didn't like "doggy style"...said he wanted to see my face. What straight man doesn't like that position? lol
- He still remembers outfits I wore 3 years ago. I was wearing these pants I wear when I ride my bike the other night, and he said he remembered them and liked them.
- He has a lot of platonic female friends
- One of his closest friends is a 300lb woman
- He was a male model for a short period of time
- He has a lot of deep anger for whatever reasons and is hot headed, throws temper tantrums and gets in fights.
- It's very important to him to seem like a tough guy
- He hasn't really had a long lasting relationship with a woman...just lots of flings. He is 35.
- When we were dating he would come over after work around 3am a lot...I thought for sex? No, he would talk to me about his life and feelings and then fall asleep.
- I was naked in front of him once and he turned me down...I said "I want to have sex" and he said "Maybe this weekend"
- He typ. wanted me to make the first move in bed...he wasn't aggressive.
There are more things I could list, but overall I am confused b/c I have never encountered a heterosexual male who was single, that was willing to turn me down for sex. I have never known a man to spend all the time he does with me and then at the end of the night say goodbye? What is the point? Why does he want to confide in me, find comfort being with me, wont let go of our friendship...flirt with me...but wont F*ck me? I would think that he would in the very least just want sex, but he wants everything but sex. He acts protective and jealous of other guys around me. I know he "loves" me...but like a sister? He told me recently that it's no wonder so many men like me, as he was looking me up and down. I've never had this type of emotional connection with a man who doesn't want to be in a sexual relationship with me. All the components are there...I can intuitively feel that he cares deeply for me and is torn when he is around me. I can feel it....it's like he can't let himself take the leap, but he wants to so badly. I am letting it go b/c it's just not worth the effort anymore, but I wanted to get others opinions on this.