Confused....why does he need to think!!

[gigi1970]

I have been dating this guy for a few months. When we met it was an instant connection..Its like we have always known each other...From that day forward we spent just about everyday and night together.. It was like love at first sight on both of our parts. We knew the relationship was moving pretty fast but we decided we were just going to go with it.. Were in our 40's so it was like we knew what we what and didn't want in a partner..We were very up front about who we were and what we excepted.. We just clicked..We introduced our children to each other and we met each others families...Everything was great between us....We had alot of deep conversations about how we felt for one another and about our future together..We would say how crazy it was how real it felt between us...On thursday he tells me that we need to slow things down in which I agree.. But I think our definition of slowing things down were different.. I'm thinking continue the way we were we just didn't need to spend every night together....It seem to me his was to cut off communication with me totally....I went by his house saturday and it seemed he was receptive to me.. I felt distance like I was afraid to act myself like I use to..He had his daughter there so we didn't really have a chance to talk.. He walked me to my car we talked for a little he said just give him a week or so to think about us and everything.. I cried of course...I told him that I was going to my cousins house that night he seemed to be ok with it.. He kissed me bye and told me he loved me. On my way to New Orleans he texted saying " I know your going to go out and get drunk please be careful" and I told him that I wasn't going out..Anyway,I didn't here from him all weekend on monday he sends me a text saying "I didn't mean by us slowing things down that you would go out and party in new orleans all weekend.. Which I told him that I didn't ever go out..He didn't believe me.. So monday night I go to his his and he really don't even want to see me but I want answers.. Now he tells me that I'm only with him for his money and that he would have been the passenger on the boat (we met on his boat, I was with a mutual friend) that I was not even be seeing him.. REALLY!!! That I don;t even love him and I proved it by going party all weekend.. I do love this man more than I have ever loved anyone.. He is an awesome person with good family values and that's what I feel in love with for the kind of man he is.. Now he won't see me or talk to me.. He says he just needs time to think.. I have given him every opportunity to tell me it was over but he doesn't.. He just says he loves me and and doesn't want anyone else he just needs some time..

[ajny56]

Break it off. He is obviously disrespecting you and doesn't want anything serious. He is probably just stringing you along for the occasional moment that he wants some loving. Trust me. This isn't real love. He just wants to misuse use and if he doesn't believe you when you said you weren't out partying all weekend then its time to move on. I don't know what happened to cause such a shift in emotions but he simply doesn't want you anymore but is still holding on to you just in case he made a bad choice in the long run.

Move on. His type is not worth it and if he does come back to loving you again like in the beginning the same thing will probably happen again.

[michelle23]

I agree. End it now. Dont cling to him hoping he will change his mind. He basically just shifted all the blame on you and came up with a petty excuse as to why you two shouldn't be together. It is very possible he has met someone else or that he is using the money as an excuse to back away from you without him feeling guilty.

Its already over. When people ask for space it does mean they are on the way out. He just doesn't have the balls to be straight with you and tell you its over. Hes hoping you will make it easier by dumping him. Or else he will keep you around as a back up plan.

You can do better. Move on

[TablesandChairs]

What money of his have you benefited from? So, okay - maybe he's wealthy. Unless you've been spending on his credit cards, he has no reason to assume you're after his cash. Silly excuse.

As for you partying - you're an adult woman, what's it to him? He made it clear he wanted to cut contact, what did he want you to do? Stay at home and cry?

Guy has issues, don't indulge him.

[IslandScorp]

Everyone else might be right but based on what you've written, I can't help but wonder about a couple of things:

1. Is it possible that someone is telling him lies about you? Is that why he might so strongly believe that you're a party girl and might be after his money?

2. Is it possible that when he told you that he wanted to slow things down he was testing you? (Men - and women - sometimes do stupid things like that) And the fact that you took that opportunity to go to New Orleans made him just assume that you were going to use your free time to fool around and get drunk, etc.?

3. How and why did his relationship with his first wife end? Was she the partying type that only married him for his money? If so, it could be that he's projecting.

If #1 is a possibility, you should get it straightened out. If #2 and/or #3 is the problem, then this guy has insecurity issues. It's up to you whether you want to work through that or not but before you can even do that, he needs to be honest with and communicate you. If he just refuses to talk but you feel that he's worth the effort, then consider writing him a letter. Tell him you don't understand his sudden change in attitude, that his money was never a consideration, etc. If he isn't willing to communicate after that, then you need to let him go. Keep in mind though that even if you get past this incident, his possible insecurity (and perhaps paranoia) might become a very serious problem for you later on.

[michelle23]

Above:

if its 1: y would u want a guy who listens to rumours

2: y would u want a game player who needs to "test you"

3: y would u want a guy who blames a new love for something an old one did.

We could discuss possible reasons till the cows come home. None of them are a good enough reason to waste time on someone who cant make up their mind. Wait for noone. Theres billions of men in this world and v easy to say NEXT and move on

[gigi1970]

UPDATE...... Thanks for your advice.. You hit the nail....I gave him his space that he asked for (it wasn't easy but I did it).. We are now back together now for the last two weeks and things are actually better than before. Not only for him but for me also. I also took the time to think about what I wanted. If I wanted this relationship and was it worth it to fight for.. There were days of (how could he have told me all the things he did, is he that good of a lier/player? if so he is a good one the best I ever met.) Then there were days that I would think (noway could someone tell me all the things he did and all the deep conversations we had about our lives and where we wanted to go. All the things we shared with one another. I know I can't be that stupid to have believed him.) And I decided to believe in what we shared and that it was real. So, I gave him his space that he asked for. That if he really did love me he would come back to me and if he didn't then I would let him go. And that if he did come back that our relationship would be stronger and I also will know that he really does love ME...

So the answers to your questions.

1. Yes he did have people telling him that "if you really love her and want her you better make sure she is with you for the right reasons and not for money and security.
my answer...That really didn't bother me it was his family and they were only looking out for him, i'm a single mom.. But let me tell you I have always taken care of myself and my kids.. I have a good job and make good money.. And the reason they were saying that was because they never noticed me working or going to an office.. I'm a realtor I work alot from home (I don't need to go into an office)..I've been one for 15 years .. And also I'm alot more attractive than what he has dated in the past... FYI!! I was with a man that was a Millionaire for 7 years that gave me everything I wanted and took care of me and my kids we had planes, boats and cars( porche rolls royce I lived in a 2 million dollar house. I left almost two years ago now.. Money isn't everything..

2.Yes I felt he was testing me (and he lost) I'm not stupid.. I'm a very social person always out meeting people.. I'm very out going and I do get hit on alot when i'm out. So yes he was testing me. My life with him is like night and day compared to what I'm use to.... I have alot of friends in high places and I think he was feeling alittle intimidated by it all.. (he just wasn't use to some one like me) I changed when I met him and joined his life. AND I LIKE IT..... It has made me a better person and a better mom.. We are a family..And really that's all I want...I don't regret any of it..

3. His wife wasn't a party animal but she did screw him over..BAD!! And also his last serious girlfriend...

He is a very giving man with a big heart.. When I decided to give him space I sent him a letter " I told him that what we have is real, that I'm not with him for his money that I can make my own money. And as far as for security (what women doesn't want security)..That I loved him for all the things that money can't buy.. And I named all the little things that he does for me...like one was... I love you because you fixed my mower for me to make it easier on me to cut my yard. (I like cutting my own yard, he has done it for me before and always offers but I like doing it).

Anyway.... we are in a better place now..

[michelle23]

Good luck OP