First time... difficult

[RavenClawBs]

Girlfriend and I have tried to have sexual intercourse many times now. Each time it follows the same pattern...
Both interested... foreplay... attempt to have intercourse fails (we having been using lubricant every time).

It fails because it seems to hurt her a lot before I've even entered. She tenses up, crys out (no tears) a little and pushes me away unintentionally as if she can't control the impulse. It is both physically and emotionally hard for me to continue after that. Emotionally because it causes her pain and then she gets upset with herself (I do my best to reassure her) and we obviously can go no further at that point.
The furthest we pushed is not far at all, but a little at least.

Our foreplay, I believe, is good. We kiss, rub etc. She moans almost as if she is already having intercourse, she tells me she really enjoys it (she is wet too). Yet it is still too painful for me to actually enter her, with my penis at least.

Turns out one of our attempts broke her hymen and we've recently started fingering (1 finger so far).
The first time I went slow and it only lasted a minute or so before she said it hurt. I can feel her tense up at that point (so tight it hurts her a lot more and it would be physically hard to enter her). Since then we have tried a few more times with it lasting longer each time without pain (and I'm able to go faster etc). It seems she is getting used to it but I still feel like something is wrong because it is taking so long, not because there doesn't appear to be progress (because there is).

I never though it would be this difficult the first time for a female... is it normal? We've been trying for almost a month now every 1-3 nights, fingering started a few days ago.

Is it possible that even though she has assured me many times she is ready, she enjoys foreplay etc... that she is in fact not ready and doesn't know it?

[smackie9]

http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-symptoms