Are we done?

[CaptainFalcon]

I've been in a LTR with this girl for over 1 1/2 years. We're both 23, I took her virginity and was her first serious boyfriend. There were sexual problems at the beginning, we could not get it in because she was so tight but we worked through it. We get along well although she's very quiet and not always a good communicator. I do most of the talking and planning, she's generally been passive when it comes to managing or deciding things. We knew each other for about 3 years before, started seeing each other after I flirted and teased her for months. She graduated before me because I am doing an honours degree and in June moved away to a small town about six hours away from our city to start a pretty lucrative job. She works in an industry dominated by men and is attractive. She dresses modestly, doesn't gossip about other girls, has a few 18th century ideals about romance and exercises regularly.

I'd say she is better looking than I am, although she considers me more intelligent. I'm thin, I used to lift but I sustained injuries and am now in chronic pain. I do yoga, stretching, swimming and cardio on a regular basis but that's about it. My pain problems have occasionally spilled out into our relationship - sexual problems because of my back pain, irritability and the side effects of medications. She's never tried to belittle me.

But now she's started work and is exhausted all the time. Skyping or phone calls are starting to seem like a chore to her, often because she doesn't have much to say besides how overwhelming work is. We were at our best when we were physically close to each other and could interpret body language, touch each other, etc. When we were in the same city, she used to contact me all the time and ask to see me or talk to me, at which point I would usually take over planning the date, but now I've had to initiate our conversations over the last few weeks.

Furthermore, her family is racist and she doesn't tell them anything about me. I met them at her graduation banquet and was gracious, made jokes but it doesn't seem to have had much of an effect. She loves her family but I stuck with it because I respected that she could distance herself from their beliefs. We had a conversation last night and she said that she can't see herself marrying me. I know her family's inability to accept me plays a big part in this decision. She is the marrying type, although she says she doesn't plan to get married for another few years she nevertheless wants to know if the next two years of long distance will end with a legitimate future. She says she wants to end things but also doesn't. I wheeled this grandiose speech that just tumbled out about how life is short, we are never sure about what happens, if we are still enjoying ourselves let's make the most of it and ride it out. She cried and agreed that we should keep going. She can only come back once every two weeks at $$ cost to herself, and she cannot make it back until next month because her parents are going out to visit her. I plan on visiting her during the year if we survive this, but it will generally be one day/night once every two - three weeks.

I then suggested we have sex and she didn't seem particularly interested, and I wasn't either to the point where I couldn't get hard. I had/have a few sick feelings in my gut about these issues we knew were going to come up and hadn't dealt with, and now were still putting off for another day. She left looking a bit happier but didn't come over today and went back to her work town.

Perhaps she has found someone new, although it takes her forever to allow people into her life. She is often socially obtuse and generally doesn't enjoy parties or clubs. Whenever we did go out clubbing, guys much more attractive than me would flirt with her and she would ignore them. The same went for her faculty, which is male-dominated (engineering). My friends in that faculty said they would always see guys chasing her around and she blew them off.

I've been trying to keep busy for the last few days, swimming, walking around outside, playing video games, studying. I'm going to wait for her to call. If she doesn't, I guess it's over. If she does, can we make this work?

Cheers

[TAEHSAEN]

Wow, you guys both seem like great people.


The only solution to make this work is if you guys move in together or at least live close by. Even though she doesn't talk a lot, it looks like you guys had good chemistry at one point. She won't find another 'talker' like you either so its going to be hard for her to sustain any other relationships.


Trust me man, get closer together or don't put too much hope into this because logically this doesn't seem like the type of relationship that would work out over long distance.