Guys: Explain the mindset behind guys doing this...

[okwhat2013]

900+ text in a week? That is actually awesome as long as you didn't only text him once and he the other 899. If you two can actually text that much of interesting conversation that is great. Meet him
, life is too short, it's sounds exciting and it sounds like you r into it, btw you posted on a love forum about it....lol go and have some fun!!!

[namemyname]

900+ text in a week? That is actually awesome as long as you didn't only text him once and he the other 899. If you two can actually text that much of interesting conversation that is great. Meet him
, life is too short, it's sounds exciting and it sounds like you r into it, btw you posted on a love forum about it....lol go and have some fun!!!

LMAO. No, it was very evenly split. We chatted about everything from food, fitness, relationships, love, family, death, illness, politics, current events...really everything, but, mainly relationships and love, actually.

Well, I put a kibosh on it today, as I told him I didn't think it was right to text while he was there, and not as much as we have been. He understood. I'm sure he doesn't want to come off like a dirtbag. It's just a bad spot to be in all the way around.

I guess now all I can is wait until he gets home, and if he's single, then we can meet. Otherwise...

[namemyname]

Well thats not good. If hes the type to settle out of fear of being alone then how do you know he wont lettle for you and then wait for someone better to come along? Which is what hes doing with her. You cant trust tsomeone like that.

If your looking for a serious relationship find a guy whos 100% single and has been single for awhile-because he chose to be-nit coz hes insecure and afraid to make a move

Hey - some people simply can't be alone. I have a GF like that, too. I don't know if I can say he's untrustworthy because of it. I think some people just cope differently with being alone.

Impressed! Curious, did he respond to that and if so what did he say?

FWIW: I think that in in YOUR own best interests. Until he dumps the long distance chick... you'll just be one of his (as far as you know) two woman dating tag team lol .

Great attitude about it too, btw:

Just one more thing (to keep it real) you don't know him except for words (on screen) without actions showing you that they are the truth. Don't believe everything hes told you until (if?) you meet and his actions have matched his words.

Good luck..

Thanks! I knew you'd be pleased, and honestly, I'm glad I did it. I was counseled by a dude friend, who suggested I tell him I'm not comfortable with the pace while he's in a relationship, or whatever that thing is. lol

Yes, he responded, and immediately, of course. He said, "Ya ok it was a lot of texting." Then he wished me well on something I was thinking about doing this week, and said I should do it, have fun, as he would go if he were me.

Then he ended with something that was a real private joke, which was we joked when we first starting chatting about guys who like to be pegged by women, so he ended it saying, "If I decide to try pegging you'll get first dibs." Then he wrote, "ttyl"

It was SO hard to not write him back, but I had to stay firm.

BTW, I did find out that last week was the first time he met her in person. I guess they emailed or whatever for 2 months, then finally JUST met. So, it makes more sense why he's not very invested in her. Not just because of the distance, but also because they (technically) just met and have had a half dozen dates.

No, I agree - you don't know someone before you meet and get to experience them in reality. As far as what he says about her and stuff, it's all been verified, because she's also on that same website, and has been posting stuff, so his story totally checks out as far as she goes.

[Slipsonic]

Hello, Im a guy and I would like to share my opinion. I think someone already mentioned that he might have been, (maybe still is) weighing his options...
He has been communicating with the other woman for a while, just met her in person not too long ago, correct? But then he met you, he liked you... but was already sort of invested in getting to know this other woman. The problem for him is she is far away, you live close, yet he probably doesnt know you as well as he does her. I think he is torn between two options not knowing what to do. Does he stick with the other woman who he probably knows more about and deal with the distance issue? or does he take a risk and opt for you OP? Then what if it doesnt work out seeing as you have never met in person? Then he would regret his decision.

He might also be thinking about the other womans feelings, she probably likes him and Im sure he doesnt want to hurt her... He may be kicking himself for not holding out just a little longer to find someone local. (you) It doesnt mean hes a bad guy, hes just trying to decide where the best future would be for him (especially if hes a commitment/relationship guy)

You did make the right decision in limiting your contact. You wouldnt want to wait around forever for him to make a decision. In that instance a guy should make up his mind quick and take the leap for one or the other. If he kept talking to and seeing both you and the other woman, at some point it would be considered in the realm of cheating....
So thats my theory from what I have read in this thread. That guy was probably racking his brain all week trying to decide what to do. Maybe he still is....

[namemyname]

Hello, Im a guy and I would like to share my opinion. I think someone already mentioned that he might have been, (maybe still is) weighing his options...
He has been communicating with the other woman for a while, just met her in person not too long ago, correct? But then he met you, he liked you... but was already sort of invested in getting to know this other woman. The problem for him is she is far away, you live close, yet he probably doesnt know you as well as he does her. I think he is torn between two options not knowing what to do. Does he stick with the other woman who he probably knows more about and deal with the distance issue? or does he take a risk and opt for you OP? Then what if it doesnt work out seeing as you have never met in person? Then he would regret his decision.

He might also be thinking about the other womans feelings, she probably likes him and Im sure he doesnt want to hurt her... He may be kicking himself for not holding out just a little longer to find someone local. (you) It doesnt mean hes a bad guy, hes just trying to decide where the best future would be for him (especially if hes a commitment/relationship guy)

You did make the right decision in limiting your contact. You wouldnt want to wait around forever for him to make a decision. In that instance a guy should make up his mind quick and take the leap for one or the other. If he kept talking to and seeing both you and the other woman, at some point it would be considered in the realm of cheating....
So thats my theory from what I have read in this thread. That guy was probably racking his brain all week trying to decide what to do. Maybe he still is....

That's pretty much it. They emailed for 2 months, and just met for the first time the day he and I started chatting. Heck, he texted me as soon as he landed. So, yeah, he's only known her in person for a week. He's not living with her, they're having some dates while he works during the days.

I totally agree there really was no way out of this that wasn't going to be strange or sudden. I think me backing off tells him I already FELT this was inappropriate, in fact, I said flat out that if I was his GF, I'd be more than tweaked to find out he was texting another woman this much. He couldn't argue, was smart not to even try, and I think, like you said, he's confused. I think you nailed it all perfectly.

If I were him, I'd come home, meet me, and then make a decision. That way he's not jeopardized either situation. I think he was trying to marginalize me as being a "friend", because it made him feel less guilty about being there and communicating with me so much.

What would you have done if you were him in this situation? What would you do to resolve it?

[namemyname]

OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!


WHAT DO I DO?????????????

Just got a text from him:

Not talking to you sucks by the way. hope all is well.

???

[Wakeup]

You text him: Have you stopped seeing your girlfriend then? or something about her that you can think of.

He's a manipulative douche. If you answer him with anything else then you've just shown him that your fine with being his at home gf while he keeps his away one.

[michelle23]

Hey - some people simply can't be alone. I have a GF like that, too. I don't know if I can say he's untrustworthy because of it. I think some people just cope differently with being alone.

Yes and those "some people" you speak of always have an escape affair when they want a way out coz THEY CANT HANDLE BEING ALONE. So not only are you being dumped (which hurts) you are also being replaced 5 minutes later (which hurts a hell of a lot more)

Come on name. I thought you were strong, independent and confident and know which losers to avoid? Or have you put on your rose tinted specs?

[namemyname]

You text him: Have you stopped seeing your girlfriend then? or something about her that you can think of.

He's a manipulative douche. If you answer him with anything else then you've just shown him that your fine with being his at home gf while he keeps his away one.

LOL. I don't think he's a manipulative douche, I truly don't. I think he's in a situation he wishes he wasn't. I think he would like to probably fly home, and make sure I don't get swept off my feet by someone else while he's biding his time this week.

I can't say it enough - she's not his GIRLFRIEND. He met her a week ago. She's someone he's dating, nothing more intense about it at all. When people casually or begin to date someone before it's serious, then yeah, it happens that they meet someone else they're more interested in. Having 5 dates doesn't guarantee a future nor implies a serious relationship. I think it's like Slipsonic, and all the men I've asked have agreed with him as well - he'll have to run out his time with her, not be an ahole and walk out early, and have to wait until he gets home to drop her, and meet me. Meanwhile, he's letting me know he's missing our connection. I really don't know what else people would expect him to do. It's a bad situation for sure, but he's not some pig who's there picking out wedding china with her, and trying to line up booty with me at home. That's not him, and that's not what the connection has been about.

I did write him back that so long as he was there with his GF (yes, I use that passive aggressively with him as a dig - lol), then it's not right.

Yes and those "some people" you speak of always have an escape affair when they want a way out coz THEY CANT HANDLE BEING ALONE. So not only are you being dumped (which hurts) you are also being replaced 5 minutes later (which hurts a hell of a lot more)

Come on name. I thought you were strong, independent and confident and know which losers to avoid? Or have you put on your rose tinted specs?

You got the wrong guy. Married for 13 years, single for one. Your assassination is not who he is.

[Wakeup]

LOL. I don't think he's a manipulative douche,

Why? What he said to you is very manipulative? He's likely now waiting to see if his words of manipulation have worked on you and you reply with something that gives him carte blanche to contact you again like he had been. Players do this kind of thing often. If you reply and it goes back and forth, then you've just decided that you're okay (in your actions) that he can indeed keep doing what you just told him you're not comfortable doing. Do you see?

I think he's in a situation he wishes he wasn't.

If that were the case, then he should just get out of it by either telling the other girl it didn't pan out in real life or telling you, yea you are right, I'd like to see where it goes with L/D girl and I can't do that when I'm distracted by another woman)

I think he would like to probably fly home, and make sure I don't get swept off my feet by someone else while he's biding his time this week.

That's your wishful thinking and ego speaking which is quite normal when we want something. Don't let your ego rule you in this is my advise. He's still there with her and he's given you nothing in words or actions to show you that your wishful thinking is accurate.

So, what if anything did you text back to him?

I can't say it enough - she's not his GIRLFRIEND. He met her a week ago.

Yes, at this point, he just shagging her and trying to set you up for the same. Two for the price of one... at least thats how it looks from this side of the screen, anyway.

[Wakeup]

Just be aware that she's still very much in the picture. I'd be wanting 100% sexual exclusivity when/if it ever gets to the point where you're doing more then looking at words on a telephone. Keep it real is all I'm sayin.

[smackie9]

The guy is just caught between two women he really likes lol. He can't help himself, so stop acting like it's a crime. I can see it being bad if he was sleeping with both of them being a player but really nothing has happened except conversations about random things. I doubt he is tying to manipulate, I think he is just being honest and wants to express it....probably hoping it will help him make his decision. So people don't think on the lines of "manipulation, or don't even realize it is what they are doing....he is just following his heart so to speak.

Once he is back, he will just have to deside that is all.....no biggie. I find it quite interesting....let just wait and see how this plays out.

[Wakeup]

The guy is just caught between two women he really likes lol. He can't help himself, so stop acting like it's a crime.

It's not a crime even if he does sleep with the two of them. If she's okay with that then so be it. If she's not okay with that, then she should be aware of what could very well happen if she lets it.

I can see it being bad if he was sleeping with both of them being a player but really nothing has happened except conversations about random things.

Exactly right yet Name is got all these fantasy thoughts about him being afraid of losing her to some other guy so he's wanting to keep in contact with her. It means NOTHING IMO at this point, they've not even met.

I doubt he is tying to manipulate, I think he is just being honest and wants to express it....probably hoping it will help him make his decision.

Perhaps. I'm going on what name is saying. She keeps saying that long distance girl is not his girlfriend (which she's not at this point) and trivializes his involvement with her while stoking up his involvement with her (namemyname) Me, I'm old fashioned when it comes to dating many. I didn't do it and if I was going to do it now .. I'd be sure to ask for exclusivity the min we were going to become sexual and if I wasn't given it, then I'd know I wasn't valued the way i would want to be. Just sayin... up to Name what she does.

So people don't think on the lines of "manipulation, or don't even realize it is what they are doing....he is just following his heart so to speak.

It's still manipulative even if he doesn't realize that's what he's doing. Its worse if its his game and done just to manipulate.

Once he is back, he will just have to deside that is all.....no biggie. I find it quite interesting....let just wait and see how this plays out.

Just trying to keep HER expectations at bay is all. It's clear she is already anticipating something awesome with this guy... who she hasn't even met, never mind spent a holiday with.

[namemyname]

Why? What he said to you is very manipulative? He's likely now waiting to see if his words of manipulation have worked on you and you reply with something that gives him carte blanche to contact you again like he had been. Players do this kind of thing often. If you reply and it goes back and forth, then you've just decided that you're okay (in your actions) that he can indeed keep doing what you just told him you're not comfortable doing. Do you see?

If that were the case, then he should just get out of it by either telling the other girl it didn't pan out in real life or telling you, yea you are right, I'd like to see where it goes with L/D girl and I can't do that when I'm distracted by another woman)

That's your wishful thinking and ego speaking which is quite normal when we want something. Don't let your ego rule you in this is my advise. He's still there with her and he's given you nothing in words or actions to show you that your wishful thinking is accurate.

So, what if anything did you text back to him?

Yes, at this point, he just shagging her and trying to set you up for the same. Two for the price of one... at least thats how it looks from this side of the screen, anyway.

Nothing at all - YOU said he was a manipulative douche, not me.

It's funny - I posted this on the guy section, only had two guys respond, and it was for a reason. The women advice like women, and the men are more in tune with the male mindset.

Sorry, but you're really wrong on this - entirely so, actually.

[michelle23]

Smackie his actions dont match his words at all

words: im the relationship type, looking for something serious, wana settle down.

Actions: in some stupid ldr with a girl hes prob shagging right now who he apparantly cant make up his mind about whilst making other plans with OP for when he comes home.

If anything in his words were true then he would never even consider long distance for a start and he wouldnt be telling both women what they wana hear