Actions speaks louder ?

[Marie_R]

Ok, here goes ...

Met this man 2 months ago thru chat. The 1st meeting was good. I was immediately drawn to him. He too consistently contact me after our first meeting. After that we went for movies, dinner, the normal dating stuff till one day while in the movies, he held my hand ... it was wonderful.

Then my insecurity kicks in. I start to question him what does he really want from this ? He said he does like me and enjoy my company. But he don't dare to promise me anything as he don't want to hurt me. So just go with the flow and see how things go. Ok fine.

So far I really appreciate that he is always punctual for our date and even if he is a bit late, he will inform me.

Whenever I asked him out for dinner, on the spot he will come. No pre-arrangement and he still shows up.

On our first few dates, he did irritate me and I showed him that I was unhappy and yet, he still stick with me.

Last week, I was upset that he was goofing around when I said I want to see more of him. I start to blast him thru text, at that moment I was thinking this is it ... he won't see me anymore ... but after I finished bombarding him, I asked "do you still wanna see me ?" he said of course ....

So on the same day, he said he will come to my place at 7pm and I was suprised to see him arriving 20 minutes earlier !!

We had our talk ... I told him I was taking a risk in telling him how upset I was and I didn't expect that he will still see me. He said of course I will still see you because what we have now is already a bond. Only thing is he is not ready to commit. Frankly speaking he has been divorced twice so ... I guess he is really being very careful .... besides, I have been going thru articles and articles that can be found online on how man don't fall in love like woman do. It takes more time for man to fall in love .....

Another "actions" from him that suprised me, we normally go out on movie/dinner dates on saturdays so last saturday I was not able to see him as a friend is in town. But my friend was not able to meet me on saturday as he arrived late. But I decided not to look for my guy as I feel I need to spend sometime on my own too. Then at nite, when I checked my FB, I was amused to see that he liked so many of my pics and links on my page ... up to year 2012 !! gosh ... he must be thinking of me a lot !!

The next day when I meet him ... I didn't tell him about the FB thing but he did say he felt a bit jealous coz he thought I was out on a date, having fun and didn't even text him !! owwwhh .... I hug him for being so cute ... haha ....

Few days back I text him to tell him that I was not feeling well, he said take a rest then and later he will drop by to bring me out for dinner ... I was touched.

I still feel insecure coz he keeps on telling me that he is not able to feel anything at this moment. He even joked that he felt rusty when it comes to feelings. I know 2 months is too soon for him to feel intense feelings for me so I am gonna give it a few months and see how it goes ...

In the meantime .... what do you guys think ??

[Slipsonic]

I say hang in there. You said he has divorced 2 times, depending on the reasons, that is pretty hard on a guy. I have been divorced once (she cheated on me) and it did make me want to take a little extra time with my next girlfriend, who actually turned out to have some pretty bad deal breaker issues as well. So when he says his feelings are "rusty" I think that means he wants to go really slow. He sounds like a good guy, being on time for dates, and communicating with you if he will be late, and also it sounds like he gives you your space when you need it without being clingy or smothering you. Give him some time and try to think of how careful you would be if you had been divorced 2 times, maybe that will help keep a clear perspective.
thats my opinion. Good luck, I hope it works out with him

[Marie_R]

Thanks for the encouraging words Slipsonic, I really appreciate them !!

[Slipsonic]

Glad I could help

[michelle23]

Y was he divorced twice? Could be a potential red flag..

[Marie_R]

Glad I could help

Yerpzzzz ......

[Marie_R]

Y was he divorced twice? Could be a potential red flag..

Yes, I was worry in the beginning too ... his 1st marriage when he was only 18 !! But now I am just taking this relationship one day at a time and see how it goes ......

[Marie_R]

It is hard to open yourself up again after a divorce, so be patient. I know I shut off after mine and was very cautious when I got back on the horse and started dating. He's probably second guessing himself and not wanting to rush in and fall too hard too quickly but it sounds like he's into you. He is probably treading lightly and not wanting to screw things up with you. Give it time.

Thanks for sharing based on your own experience ... yes, will see how this goes and see how far both of us can go .....

[michelle23]

It wont allow me to reply to your inbox and I cant find your other thread so I will respond here

I wasn't being harsh. I am being realistic. His track record doesn't look too good. Past behavior is an indication of future behavior. Sure people change.. sometimes if they really want to but old habits die hard. All I am saying is open your eyes and don't look at him through rose tinted glasses.

I would run a mile from a man who a). married so young (unless he was forced) and b). is already on his third divorce and c). has a history of cheating emotionally or physically.

Call me young I don't care. I have my head screwed on and have good taste in men so sorry if I don't tell you what you want to hear. Did you come here for advice or to have your opinion validated? Coz most people wont sugar coat it here for you

[HeartIsAching]

You're pushing for a commitment... after 2 months. I'd say this is a huge red flag - FOR HIM.

He's considerate and accommodating. He's polite. YOU are being pushy and rude.

Don't be surprised when he splits.