No reply from girl, even though she wears my neckless I gave her

[Starnique]

Dude, you are weird as ****.

[marksun]

michelle23 : Thanks for challenging me. Your words make me think about where I am, and that is why I am writing here. So I can see my reflection and decide if I like it or not. Its interesting to hear the difference between "open" and "polygamous"... I had not thought about this either... as you see, I am new here.

Spot-on I wanted Nadine, and it hurts. Yes we both thought and talked about getting together seriously... we wanted it, but accepted it was not happening. However, deep down in my heart, I know that Nadine is not a replacement for Claire... she's a totally different type of girl, totally different character. And of course, I ask myself would it have worked if I had the courage to leave Claire, open relationship, polyrelationship or what ever we have and walk away. And something tells me, despite the deep love and longing, that perhaps it might not have worked so well. To be honest I did not know, and I still don't.. as I said it was a bit of a fairy tale. If it did happen though, I don't kid myself that the fairy tale would have to get into some serious reality, and at some point this 2nd relationship might come under stress / problems.

It is really a very thin line. Falling in love in a polygamous relation for a new time is tremendously difficult. Of course you want to walk away because you have the butterflies of new love. But if the original relationship survives this period, maybe you do gain a fiend and lover for life... (like my wife has)... a fulfilment without always having to start again with the same cycle of growth, then problems. You keep both. You get more colours in your life, and I hope more pleasure, nice times, excitement, than any single person could provide. Of course the risk is one relationship dies and the next one grows more... but then, if that is meant to be, its for the good.

So I can't have the above multi-colour setup with Nadine it seems. And I am mainly hurting because I deeply miss a girl I really loved and cared for. You are right, it is that simple.

[marksun]

Starnique : why do you think that?

[marksun]

b.a.t. Yes well said. There are no guarantees with my ideas too... Yes my situation is crap in these respects. But you have chosen to underline the most negative aspects. There are many positive things I have said that are good about my life and relationship /s... particularly I am so happy to have had the time and privilege to be with Nadine for the time I was with her... "It has better to have loved and lost..." I will always treasure these moments... always. And I give thanks for my beautiful wife, and the beautiful gifts she gives me in so many respects. Yes she has HIV, but not through wild promiscuity. She has had two partners whilst she was with me. In the 2nd case she was really unlucky.

I did not know I was asking only people in magonimistic relationships here. I have no idea what relationships you are all in. I am asking you as individuals.

I mainly came here because I was hurting, and now you have made me face reality a bit, with respect to Nadine. I still do not know why she wears that necklace all the time, but refuses to talk to me.. but only she could answer that I guess.

Well I sleep now.

Thanks all for your comments. I really don't want to upset the boat, or criticise your own relationships. I wish you all luck and happiness in your lives and love. Bye for now.

[michelle23]

If you are happy this way-thats fine. Monogamy/polygny is a choice. For me monogamy is my choice and i am truly happy this way and feel i can and do get everything i want and more with my bf. I feel rough patches in a relationship are a test and if your strong together and make a good team you will work through it and your relationship will blossom. Love is like a flower. It has to be continuously blossomed and nurtred in order to grow and stay alive. I feel people start craving others when something is missing. It could be anything: love, affection, sex, fun, laughter, quality time, emotional connection, intellectual communication etc) . I feel if your craving someone else and tempted to cheat-then you should figure out the problem and fix it together, if you cant fix it together-get counselling and if that doesnt work walk away. I feel cheating is a choice and i dont agree with your view that monogamy doesnt work for the majority. It works for lots of people

again its your life, your marriage and if your happy this way great. Above im just explaining my view of monogamy. I have found it extremely easy to be fully monogamous these past five years, never tempted and truly happy