Torn between my Heart and my Head

[rob1984]

Now I think he is just using his situation to be an asshole.. Id walk too

[Wakeup]

Then you've made your bed so you must lie in it. There is nothing any of us her can say or do that will make him change from the horrible man that he apparently is. We cannot say anything to you either that will make you a self-sufficient woman of the 20th century. Please do not have children with this man and within the dysfunction of your relationship. He's already had two with someone horrible but rather then leave he was too stupid or codependent to and now he's out of their lives altogether.

[basilandthyme]

Plus, I just feel, like most people who don't leave their partners, like I've invested so much in this relationship.
And it hasn't been all terrible. He does make me laugh a lot and does things that make me happy with him. So, there's emotional stuff that keeps me from leaving, too.

If you're using the investment analogy, also consider the idea of not throwing good money after bad. There is such a think as a bad investment. To reword it: don't continue to throw your good love into this black hole of a relationship.

And no relationships are all bad. Even the worst of them can have good times. But you must weigh up the good vs the bad. And it sounds to me like you're dealing with more than your share of bad.

[bearz]

While he might make you happy most of the time, it's the emotional stress that you get from when he's being a jerk. And I'm sure that far outweighs the happiness you get from when he's nice.

I can totally see why you are having such a hard time letting go, you can't just put a lid on a relationship like yours and put it away. But you have to start taking steps in the right direction, steps that will help you move on.

[michelle23]

If i was unhappy-i would move in with my parents. I wouldnt let financial commitments trap me. He has so much baggage and even his mom said he has this warped belief that all women or bad. If hes being emotionally abusive occassionally now and you take it, it will soon become a regular thing until its everyday. Dont make excuses for someone who treats you as an emotional punching bag. You can do better than that and you no it.

Id prefer to be homeless than stay and feel trapped. Go back to your parents, get a job there and get back on your feet. Theres plenty of fish in the sea and you should be with someone who doesnt hurt you

[smackie9]

I'm not going to pick sides, I'll just lay it out for you. It's obvious he wasn't ready to have a new relationship, not with you or any body. His problems, and he is realizes this, are not yours to deal with. He does care very much for you, and doesn't want to drag you into this anymore. It's too painful for him to what it is doing to the relationship, and he can't be there for you emotionally. You have only invested a year and a half ( moving in only after 6 months of knowing each other which is not enough time to really get to know someone), so it would be best for your own well being to get out of this unhealthy relationship. Too much bagage for the average bear I must say. You can sit there and try to reason with yourself to stay, but the mess and the state he is in isn't going to change anytime soon. Let him go.

[spacegal91]

leave him alone. Let him be. Sweetheart life is not a movie. These are real people with real screwed up emotions. Break up with him asap and get a new life, bcz these precious little time we all got, it aint coming back or slowing down. Listen to your head and if u do, then it says that, this guy is not worthy to be with a sweet person like u Jane....
He is a person who lives in constant ignorance and denial, do u really expect him to give up everything for you? I mean come on wake up to the reality. This guy is making sure that he got a shoulder to lean on and bedroom entertainment. Girl its high time to give up, thats the healthy thing to do. Its not going to work out, how gud the chemistry is.

[TablesandChairs]

You've become his emotional punching bag and his ex is simply an excuse - she might very well be a vindictive cow but that's not your fault and he should be grateful, if nothing else, that you've supported him through it.

He leaves you stranded without a car, shows you little courtesy, swears at you and then plays mind games - 'I love you so much' followed by 'I wish I was single'. Next time he says that, perhaps you should say "Well, okay - give me some time to get my affairs in order and I'll be gone". Maybe that will give him a reality check, maybe not. Either way, it'll put you one step closer to not being a door mat.

You've made a lot of excuses for him...when I met my current partner, his mother had died in the past year, his dad had tried committing suicide twice and he was having costly issues with a house he just bought...yet, not once did he abuse me in any way.

He's allowed to be sad, he's allowed to be depressed...but is he allowed to treat you like crap? No.

[smackie9]

You guys this is an old thread! My post was from February....the OP is long gone. And whatever problem they had would be resolved by now. Please check the date on the opening post before posting.