Retrograde Jealousy

[paze]

Hi.

I've been suffering from retrograde jealousy in my relationship. I have a problem with the fact that she has slept with 30+ men. I have a problem with the fact that she has explored other races sexually.. I have a problem with her casually hooking up with males in the past and I can't seem to shake it.

I've bought and read books on RJ, I've looked around for help and I've come to accept that women are sexual beings, mammals, if you will... I logically understand that I shouldn't have a problem with her past, but every time I think of it, I get an anxious feeling in my stomach and it can drag me pretty far down in a matter of seconds.

I thought I was promiscuous with my 20+ partners but now my girlfriend, who logically should be more prude and reserved sexually (being a woman) as dictated by society...has slept with more than me, and she's not even trying like I was...I can't seem to wrap my head around that fact... I was trying hard to up my number to fit in while she was trying to reserve her body, but ended up with a higher number.....Which is pretty strange because she says she doesn't enjoy casual sex and she has a very hard time having an orgasm even with a boyfriend....

Is there any way to get out of this pattern of thinking COMPLETELY or do I need to cut my losses?

One thing I don't need to hear are angry women judging or debating me in this thread. I'm not making this thread to mock women. I'm making it to get help.

[vashti]

I don't know what motivated her to TELL you about her sexual history; it really wasn't any of your business, but now that the cat is out of the bag, you have to decide if you can live with it or not. What you CAN'T do is to "accept" it, and then punish her indefinitely.

A lot of men react the way you do to a woman's sexual past. I suggest you never ask another woman about her history, except as it is directly relevant to you (does she have STDs, inability to conceive children, etc.).

[paze]

I don't know what motivated her to TELL you about her sexual history; it really wasn't any of your business, but now that the cat is out of the bag, you have to decide if you can live with it or not. What you CAN'T do is to "accept" it, and then punish her indefinitely.

A lot of men react the way you do to a woman's sexual past. I suggest you never ask another woman about her history, except as it is directly relevant to you (does she have STDs, inability to conceive children, etc.).

If a woman's past is nothing to be ashamed of...Why should she try her best to hide it?

It's a strange argument that I hear from many women. It's none of my business and I should not hear it, yet it's nothing to be ashamed of...It's a contradiction.

[michelle23]

F**k you OP and your double standards! So its okay for you to stick your d**k in anyone who gives you permission and go out on the hunt like a dog looking for b**ches in heat and then you think you can judge and look down your nose on the very women you are f**king or the ones who are just like you?

If you want an innocent virgin, then you shouldn't have slept around for so long and focused so hard on "getting your number up". Do you know how insecure that makes you sound? Seriously! my bf has slept with 3 women in his life and hes never tried to "get his number up" coz hes confident and doesn't need to prove nothing to society. And my bf could be a male model. If he wanted to he could have a one night stand every night but chose not to.

Your kinda sad and pathetic. You have no right to judge any woman for being promiscuous coz you have been the same.

Plus you dont have a clue what your on about when it comes to "female sexuality". Your one of those idiots that believe everything the media and society tells you to believe. That men should be studs and women should be virgins.. I believe its neither actually and I have my own mind and do what I wana do. I don't care what people think

I really don't like men like you. You think you can sleep around for years and be a player and then you are somehow entitled to a good girl who has self respect and protects her virtue or whatever.. Your number doesn't define who you are and it obviously has done nothing to boost that fragile ego of yours so maybe you should quit trying so hard to be what society expects you to be and get a life

If you'd only been with a handful of women and they were all relationships and you couldn't accept her promiscuous past then I would understand and tell you to find someone more compatible who shares your view on sex and relationships but you obviously don't define sex as love or an emotional act so why should you get your hands on a woman who does? Do you think a girl who has only been with 2 or 3 or 4 men would accept your past? lol I know I wouldn't and I would dump you coz sex means more than just a quick release to me or an ego boost and I want a man who feels the same and who doesn't think he needs to aim for a certain number in order to feel like a man

[Wakeup]

I think it would be a good idea if you just broke up with her, Paze. The sad thing is that you'll never be able to wrap your head around the fact that she's had men that were probably better then you in bed and that she's had more of those better lovers then you have.

So: Break up with her and make sure you find a girl that hasn't been out tom catting like yourself. Then you'll be able to adjust to the fact that only a few may have been better then you.

*sporting evil grin*

[paze]

How butt-hurt can you ****ing women possibly become when # of sexual partners is on the table? How ashamed are you that you have to scream like the stupid bitches you are when somebody even dares to ask for help on his opinion.

Obviously you are either so ****ing ashamed and angry about the issue that you couldn't refrain from posting, or you are too stupid to read the entire post. Notice the last ****ing line? I guess not.

And to the last poster. Too bad that your man will never respect you like he would a virgin. You can never satisfy a man's emotion like a virgin can. He longs for it but he won't bring it up with you, of course not. I'm not even saying this just to come up with a rebuttal. That is actually how men feel. Why do you think that it's a tradition for women to be virgins in many corners of the world? You will always be second class to a virgin/girl with a low #. Wrap your stupid face around that.

*sporting a finger*

[lalalita]

If you can't handle the truth, don't ask for it.

[Wakeup]

... lolzzz ... You mad bro?

[paze]

... lolzzz ... You mad bro?

Not half as mad as you apparently, since you have to lash out like that to someone seeking help. I must have hit THE vein on you.

If you can't handle the truth, don't ask for it.

Anyone with an IQ higher than their shoe-size could have figured out that I wasn't looking for the "truth". I was asking for some help on my issue.

I guess I'm barking up the wrong tree here, eh?

[Wakeup]

Read the thread again. The truth is there for you to see. Its fun to watch you lash out like a little boy about it though. Perhaps a psychiatrist would help you with this better then woman that find your double standard humourous????

You can't expect to have 20 female partners and think that's fine while judging the woman for having the same. You are no innocent so you are in no position to throw stones from your glass house.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm a guy. You're a pussy, faggot.

Cut your losses, since you're too much of a bitch to deal with it.

[Wakeup]

I was trying hard to up my number to fit in while she was trying to reserve her body,

Nice!

Trolling, troll, trolls.

[Starnique]

If a woman's past is nothing to be ashamed of...Why should she try her best to hide it?

It's a strange argument that I hear from many women. It's none of my business and I should not hear it, yet it's nothing to be ashamed of...It's a contradiction.

What the fu** do you mean there is nothing wrong with the past and why should she hide it? Because of double standard assholes like you. Look at the way you're acting. That's why.

Retrograde jealousy? Grow up. Sexual history is important imo to know. But only in terms of stds and other important sexual factors and weird and crazy shit like hes experimented with same sex because I would never date a man like that. I want my man to be all man. If none of that applies to a person then it's really nothing to talk about.

[Valixy]

Deep down she was always looking for love even if she let herself influenced by this crazy world. Women are incurable romantics and always will be. She was young, weak and stupid and didn't know better at that time, that's all. But women also have very little memory for guys who fail to make them happy even if the approach was maybe wrong on both sides. Any guy a woman could have met in the past has literally zero importance when she finally falls in love with someone. It's almost like an amnesia. And everything is like a first time again, so don't ruin it for her. She probably felt disappointed both by them and herself but was caught for some time in that game that people like to pretend and call fun nowadays. Love is what she's really been after but maybe she just needed some growing up to do and meeting you in order to realise it.

[horndog]

Getting a little beaten up? Don't sweat it. There are a few too many here who often have a hard time seeing the forest because of all of the trees in the way. Its simple. You don't like the fact that your woman is basically just like you, but maybe even a little better at getting laid. If you don't like that she has been with quite a few guys then you should probably move on, although you really need to find a better reason to dump her than her # of partners since you have had almost as many. The truth be told, assuming you are both "clean and disease free" You could almost look at it as an added bonus since you each have assumedly gotten lots of experience whilst ****ing your brains out and are probably pretty good at it. Face it, for many potential suitors both of you could be considered damaged goods to those who do not like your histories so you might as well appreciate what you have and **** your brains out. My guess is neither of you would be satisfied for too long in a monogamous relationship so if or when things get to that point that they are getting too bland for you then maybe you should consider a "lifestyle" element to add to your relationship. My advice is just enjoy the ride. This is not advice I would suggest for everyone and not even myself but in your situation with both of your high sex drives it might just work for you. Good luck.

You think you pissed off the angry ladies? watch what they say to me now. lol