I've been married for 3 years and with my wife a total of 9 years. In the beginning of our relationship I cheated on her several times in attempts to sabotage the relationship (my analysis years later). She stuck by me through all of it and we worked through it. Years later we got engaged and then married.
Fast forward to this year, we had a rough year, had to close down our business, have been living with her parents and trying to get back on our feet. She has had a bff guy friend that she has known longer than me, they have been through hell and back together. I've never been a jealous person so when he came back in the area for a few month training i encouraged her to hang out with him and catch up. Long story short she had wound up having a few month affair with him which included everything (emotional/physical).
When i first assumed something was going on there was a lot of hiding, a lot of lying, a lot of omission. When i would bring evidence i was the one being crazy or not trusting her. Finally a few months later, now that this guy has gone back to his wife and kids... she tells me the full story - not only the affair emotional/physical but that she was/is in love with him.
I would have never ever thought that my wife was capable of this. She said that she stayed with me because she loves me (but is not currently IN love with me), that she knows i'm the right one for her.... (can't help but think i was the default, that he wouldn't leave his wife and kids)... We have had several conversations and will continue to have many more... After I found out the full story i left for a week, after a lot of crying and apologizing from her side, I decided that I would give her and our marriage one more chance... that she wants to try and rebuild our love
she knows that this is it... if it ever happens again i'm walking away.
She said that she felt 'alive' while in the affair... that she could be herself (she felt she had to change to please me even though i never told her to change ANYTHING about herself), that she had been holding her breath for so long and she could finally breath with him. She said that because of the things that happened in the beginning of our relationship that she never felt 'safe' with me... that i would 'protect her' that i 'wanted her' and yet she tells her friends that she doesn't deserve me.. that i'm too good of a guy for her, and that she is a f*cked up person (none of this i have ever thought or said to her).
We are starting our relationship fresh, forgiving, not forgetting and trying to move forward. We even decided that we should start 'dating' eachother again to see if we can re-connect or if we should move on.
I always tell her that she's beautiful, how much i want her, how much she turns me on... but she never believes me. I'm not sure there are even any questions in this post other than advice on moving forward and trying to rebuild after you have been cheated on.