BF not interested in any anything other than intercourse, no kissing,how to deal?

[SilverSara]

BF is according to himself "penile-centric": intercourse is for him the most important part of sex, and in fact it constitutes sex. No making out, no intimate kissing, he would not let me kiss his nipples for example, saying they are too sensitive, he has no interest in my breasts, etc.
Initially he kissed me deeply, but after few months into our relationship he stopped, although we still had sex.
We had a year long-distance relationship before I moved with him, and during it the sex was fine.

After we actually started living together it grew into this "intercourse only" thing, which frankly after a while I did not want to participate in. I want to feel inimate with him and not just a tool for intercourse. We would have sex once a month, but he would kiss me once every half a year or so, I did not want it anymore, we don't have sex almost at all because of it.

He loves me and we have a good relationship otherwise, in fact we have been together for a few years now and the relationship as such improved over the last years.

In our everyday interactions I feel that he loves me and that we get on well, however that emotional realm just does not transpire during sex. I find it incredibly frustrating, and frankly I don't feel loved because of it, although I know he loves me. How do I deal with it? I have spoken about it with him many times, and according to him it puts pressure on him because I want him to "kiss me in a special way", damn it is not a special way, it is just a normal kiss that you exchange with a lover and that we used to do!
How do I deal with this? How do I approach him about it in a way in which it actually leads to a change? So far he only sees it as a problem because I occassionally bring it up and it creates a heavy feeling between us, but he does not see it as something that needs changing on his side. This is the way he is, I either accept it or not, but if he loves me I should feel it during sex, no?

[Wakeup]

1) Ask him if you can supplement what he won't give you by getting it from someone else. You can continue your relationship as is, he can use you as his sperm decanter and you can get intimacy with any willing partner that you find attractive.

2) Rent a copy of Pretty Woman and watch it with him. The prostitute in that movie wouldn't let anyone kiss her either.

3) See a sex therapist. He/She will help you to communicate to him that he's an idiot.

4) Leave him, grieve the ending of the relationship and once healed and feeling better, find a man who's favourite thing to do is kiss the woman he loves and that loves to give his partner pleasure.

You've talked to him many times and he's still not being the least bit accomodating. Pick a number and stop just hoping he'll get it.

Was this an arranged union by chance?

BTW: Lots of men don't like their nipples being kissed so I wound'nt hold THAT simple preference against him.

[mydnyght]

I almost don't see how you have sex at all. If he doesn't even kiss you, how do you get turned on and wet? Unless you use lube. Must be really painful.

[dem862]

My girl doesn't like to kiss. I don't like it much either. We really enjoy nipple play and she loves having her back and ass rubbed.There is nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss. I would say it is a legitimate personal preference.

However, if you must have it, and he is really against it, I would say you are delving into the realm of sexual incompatibility. I do think preferences can change as time goes on. But I wouldn't try to force somebody to do something they are not into. That will backfire on you for sure.

[searock]

dem, it's not just kisses that are lacking.

[dem862]

What do you mean? Lack of intimacy? That is a whole nother subject. But she was talking specifically about kissing. If there is no intimacy then she might be being used for sex. But she says she feels he loves her, but also that she doesn't feel loved. If there is love, seems it can be worked out. But I still don't think somebody should be forced to engage in something they don't want to. While kissing is ubiquitous, and widely considered synonymous with foreplay, there are certainly other ways to get into sex. I know some women have a harder time getting revved up. Maybe he is a selfish or inconsiderate lover. But I think that would be an assumption.

[searock]

No making out, no intimate kissing, he would not let me kiss his nipples for example, saying they are too sensitive, he has no interest in my breasts, etc.

I feel that he loves me and that we get on well, however that emotional realm just does not transpire during sex.

. .

[michelle23]

So you just hop into bed and get straight to intercourse? Do you even orgasm? Does he care whether you do or not? From what you described, it does sound like he has issues with intimacy? Was he a plaer before? Does he watch a lot of porn? Do you feel objectified like a piece of meat? What about after sex? Do uou cuddlee? Or outside the bedroom, is he affectionate? Does he avoid face to face positions? What about oral?

[Ginger2013]

Sex, in a loving relationship, is an expression of love, passion, affection, caring and raw desire. It's about giving pleasure, taking pleasure and enjoying your partner's pleasure too. I'm just as turned on when I know I'm giving my bf pleasure, as he is when he gets me screaming. Are you willing to settle with this for the rest of your life? You can't change/fix him, so either you accept it or move on.

[danizephyr]

I'm not going to say this is the case with him but I was married to a guy who was like that. He just wanted intercourse. He wouldn't touch me, kiss me, and forget about foreplay! Anyway, he ended up cheating on me with a tranny (true story). Later, through our divorce, I found out he was actually molested when he was a child. That caused all the strange behavior during sex. With this, I'm saying, go to a therapist before it's too late. There must be something bothering him that prevents him from being 100% intimate with you. You may or may not like the findings but it's better than being left in the dark and not being satisfied the way you should be in a relationship.