Should I move on?

[SillyBella]

Hi,

I think I've got a pretty complicated situation on my hands... So I met this guy in an online community, but he lives in the US and I live in Europe. We were talking for about 6-7 months and getting along great when he told me he had feelings for me. Then we started talking about me going over there during the summer, which I ended up doing. I was only there for a pretty short period of time we both felt we sort of had to rush into things and since I'm inexperienced and I had some anxiety as well, no real intimacy happened between us, even though he made his feelings very clear and we both had a wonderful time.

Anyway, when I got back home and had some time to think clearly I realized I had feelings for him as well because he is a pretty amazing guy and that I "should've done more". I let him know this and asked if he'd be okay with me coming back for a much longer time so we could take it slow and didn't have to rush into things like last time. At first he was enthusiastic but then he suddenly said like "I don't really want to do the long distance thing again, maybe we should just wait until a couple of months down the road and then talk about you coming back, meanwhile we're both free to do whatever we want". I'm pretty sure he's not dating anyone yet but obviously he wants to soon.

Now my question is, should I wait until a few months down the road or should I just give up and move on? Because right now we don't really talk much anymore and he seems to have lost interest, even though he's still very sweet when we do talk. I just don't want to be the desperate girl that keeps waiting for a guy, especially since my neurotic mind is telling me that I would be second choice anyway... only if he didn't start dating anyone else during the next few months he would want me to come back.

So should I just move on and even if he asks me to come back later on tell him I won't? Or should I give us and the rare connection we have/had another chance?

Thank you!

[Boisdevie]

Hi,

I think I've got a pretty complicated situation on my hands...

It's a complicated situation because you've made it complicated. Here's a story for you. I was single and thought it might be nice to have a girlfriend. I used a dating website and limited my search to women who lived no more than an hour away from me. You, by contrast, voluntarily went into a 'relationship' with somebody who lives more than 5000km away. Are you really that stupid? How in hell do you expect this to work - do you have your own private jet because if you don't then any chance this stupid 'relationship' will work are pretty much zero. I assume there are men in your part of the world. Why not date one of them and try what we call a 'real relationship'.

[SillyBella]

I know my situation is not ideal, but I've always wanted to study and even live in the US and would definitely consider moving there relatively soon. So it doesn't seem like THAT far of a stretch to start a relationship with a wonderful person I have a great connection with. If anyone else has a useful response, please let me know .

[Wakeup]

Bois's response was very useful it just wasn't what you wanted to hear. Girl, this guy wanted to screw you and then likely do the fade on you like he's doing now. If he did screw you, (its unclear) then he got what he wanted and he's looking for the next one who will fall for him BEFORE SHE'S EVEN MET HIM and will screw him too.

Don't waste your time on pipe dreams. If you want to move to America then do it for YOU, not for some guy. Then when you get there, look for an American man to date so that you can nurture the relationship in real time.

Bottomline:

So should I just move on and even if he asks me to come back later on tell him I won't?

Yes, move on for goodness sakes. He's not interested in you like you're intersted in him. That's clear by what he said to you.

[4 ratties]

He's not into long distance. That will probably not change. Don't waste your time getting close to him when he doesn't want a long distance relationship.

[SillyBella]

Bois's response was very useful it just wasn't what you wanted to hear. Girl, this guy wanted to screw you and then likely do the fade on you like he's doing now. If he did screw you, (its unclear) then he got what he wanted and he's looking for the next one who will fall for him BEFORE SHE'S EVEN MET HIM and will screw him too.

Don't waste your time on pipe dreams. If you want to move to America then do it for YOU, not for some guy. Then when you get there, look for an American man to date so that you can nurture the relationship in real time.

Bottomline: Yes, move on for goodness sakes. He's not interested in you like you're intersted in him. That's clear by what he said to you.

Maybe that previous review was useful but the delivery was pretty damn rude if you ask me .

Thank you for your advice, you're right that I should move on.

[ochriso]

Sounds like he may have gone off you, I would just tell him straight up he can have you now or never then decide what to do.