She is lazy or am I out of line here?

[predatoriuss]

Hi

Help me out please.
Backstory - relationship: 5years +.
Me: 27, working my ass of in company i've started in my college room, after years finally started making lots of money out of it. Currently living alone in same place I work from (to save time on traffic)
My Girl: 23 - finishing college, dont have a clue on what to do next. Unemployed. Living with her mother (which i'm fine with btw), her studies are not that demanding so she can sleep till noon, doing next-to-nothing housework - so plenty of time to spare.

Situation:
I've bought a piece of land (my GF choosed it). I want to build a house on it (my GF selected how it will look). Our house, paid-off from my hard-earned money, no loans.
I dont have time for it (private company takes all my time, I cant afford to slow down with it now).

My GF is nagging me to spend more of my time and do all the management tasks required with house construction (hiring contractors, keeping everything in check), which always starts an argue.
She always brings up argument that I dont want our house to be built, since I like current situation too much (yeah, working 14h daily ;/)

I've come up with solution:
I will pay her to build our house. Basically she will have her first, well paid job.
She will spend her time picking up tiles, wallpapers, floors, hiring contractors etc - basically she can build her dream house, that she wont spent penny on and will make money on it.

She said no, saying she wont handle it (whats to handle here - just couple of phone calls daily, thats all;/), that I should be more involved.



Please, Let me know:
Am I out of line with such solution, or is it that my GF is just plain lazy?
I can probably hire a manager to do all mentioned work for me - not a problem, the real problem here is that her answer was a red light for me.
I was planning to marry this girl, move in to our house with her and live happy life, but Im afraid that such lazy attitude would finally become too much of an issue for me.

PS. Sorry for potential language mistakes, English is not my first language.

[basilandthyme]

Answer to your title question: She is lazy and you are out of line.

Just a few phone calls to organise the building of a house?? I wish!!! It's a nightmare job - which is why most people pay a professional to run the job. I'm in the middle of organising renovations (easier than a whole build) and the process is exhausting. Besides, the average tradesman is unreliable - and I doubt the average 23yo with no work experience could handle bullying them to turn up and do the jobs.

She shouldn't be sorting out your house for you. It's your house and you need to make the decisions. Let's face it, if the two of you break up (not an unlikely scenario) you'll want the house to be decorated in your style. And what design / project management qualifications does she have anyway? You should not be giving her a first job - she should be out seeking it on her own.

Of course, if you haven't got the time or inclination to build a house, then don't let her bully you into it.

Lastly, make sure the house is in your name only. Do not put her name on the mortgage unless married to you. And don't marry her till she shows that she can find a job.

[michelle23]

I am a fairly organised person, I have a strong work ethic, I enjoy hard work and I am very motivated BUT would I be happy to be in charge of building a home? Um NO! Honestly I think you need a male input when it comes to building a house. My dad did most of it when my parents built their house. He drew up the plans with the help of someone and they agreed on it together how they wanted the exterior to look etc. Hes an electrician so had easy access to builders, plumbers, carpenters etc. He took over most of it and then my mum helped with painting, decorating, tiling etc

You and she are supposed to be a team. You should be doing this together. Its a huge responsibility. What if the builders mess up the concrete walls and cracks start to form in the next 5 years? Your home needs to last a lifetime and has to be done right and it has to be up to both your standards. You both need to be there to ensure everything goes smoothly and is done right. I know a couple who spent at least half a million on their home plus the price of the land and they were so unhappy with their kitchen. They were promised solid wood fittings but weak shite was put in. Plus they are unhappy with the windows as air is leaking in through them.

If you cant cut down your hours right now then put off building for awhile. You do need to help her. It is overwhelming. I couldnt do it on my own. I wouldn't even know where to start. Id go straight to my dad and ask him for help and I would expect my partner to be there too helping me

[Boisdevie]

Dump her. She's a waste of good DNA .

[surfhb2]

Do not build a new home with girlfriend . Save your money and invest. It when you have kids and married you need to do all that nesting stuff.

STOP! Don't be a douchebag. THINK!!! RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!

[smackie9]

She's not lazy. This type of work isn't suitable for her. So just hire a site manager, and tell her to start looking for a job to share the expenses...then tell her you won't have to spend so much time working and have more time for her. If she doesn't like that suggestion then kick her ass to the curb, because she will just empty your wallet, take your shit and leave after 6 months of marriage. Maybe you should look into a prenuptial agreement.

[jameslarkin]

you might be over committing which could be causing an in balance ? she really has got it on a plate man, i think she is being lazy

perhaps discuss with her how you can make this easier for her

i run my own business myself, im 30 i actually don't think it would be compliacated do what you want her to do, but then again im older than her, you might be asking too much, ask her how much she can do ?


"She always brings up argument that I dont want our house to be built, since I like current situation too much "

this sounds like emotional abuse, it sounds like "you need to do more work because i can't be bothered"