Loyalty conflict.

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 12:21 AM

So I have this best friend who is a bit of a hussy. Her and her bf have been together 7 years, on and off, and they have a 2 year old. When she is single (even when her bf and her take breaks) she tends to sleep around. As far as I know she's never actually "cheated" on him.*

Well a few months ago we went to a band after party at a bar, and she ended up going to the AFTER after party, at their hotel, I went home to my bf. I assumed nothing happened because a) her and her bf were together at this point (even though he was out of province working) and b) she normally tells me when when she does anything with anyone.*

Well last night my bf went to play poker with some friends. We are a huge group of friends so we all know each other, etc. So last night 2 of the guys we all hang out with told my bf how my friend had a pregnancy scare after the band after party. Like I said, her bf was out of province working, around this time, meaning it couldn't have been his. I was skeptical about this information, thinking to myself, surely she would have told me, and it really upset me knowing that her personal life was being discussed by a bunch of guys at a poker table. Now obviously she had to have told someone, when she obviously shouldn't have, but you'd think, that information of that magnitude would have been told in confidence. I told my bf that I planned on telling her and and essentially asking her about it, and he lost his mind. He said that he'd be the one getting shit for telling me. I explained to him that he put me in an extremely awkward position. If the roles were reversed I would want to know that people were talking about my personal life behind my back. Essentially (according to my bf) they were calling her a slut, when these people claim to be her friends. Now, I get the whole "act like a slut, be treated like a slut" *thing, but usually she is very discreet, and not many people know that she is like that. She obviously told this person in confidence, if she didn't even tell her best friend. And they go blab to the whole poker table. A part of me completely understands my bfs point of view, and I told him in the future that if he ever hears something about one of my best friends, he needs to tell the person to shut up, or just not tell me. Part of his freak out, was his claim, that my friendship with her is more important than my relationship with him, which obviously isn't the case. I

I haven't said anything to her yet, but I feel like a horrible friend!! She should be warned that she obviously can't trust, whoever it was she told about this situation. What if she tells them more? What if she confides in them, and continue to tell everyone? I don't want my bf to feel like I am betraying his trust, but I also feel like I am betraying my best friend....*

What the hell am I supposed to do here?*

Now before you all attack me about her, and tell me that she should just stop acting like a slut, don't bother. I'm well aware that what she does is stupid, but it is what it is, so please just focus on the issue at hand. Thanks.*

**michelle23** · 30-08-13, 12:27 AM

Don't do anything. Your loyalties should lie with your bf. He gave you that info in confidence and you need to respect that. Its the same thing as you thinking whoever your friend gave that info to should have respected her confidence.

You said yourself shes a bit of a "hussy". She gets around and it sounds like they have been on a lot of "breaks". That is how rumors start. If she doesn't want people gossiping about her then maybe she should stop putting it about.

There whole relationship sounds dysfunctional anyway. Hes probably cheating on her too. Just stay out of it and leave them at it. People like that should be together and have their own f**ked up personal nightmare and leave the rest of us nice people alone

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 12:38 AM

Originally Posted by michelle23

Don't do anything. Your loyalties should lie with your bf. He gave you that info in confidence and you need to respect that. Its the same thing as you thinking whoever your friend gave that info to should have respected her confidence.

You said yourself shes a bit of a "hussy". She gets around and it sounds like they have been on a lot of "breaks". That is how rumors start. If she doesn't want people gossiping about her then maybe she should stop putting it about.

There whole relationship sounds dysfunctional anyway. Hes probably cheating on her too. Just stay out of it and leave them at it. People like that should be together and have their own f**ked up personal nightmare and leave the rest of us nice people alone

I want nothing to do with their relationship, and I agree that what people see, they have every right to talk about. But no one knew about this until she told someone, and now everyone knows. She is doing her due diligence by being discreet, and this "friend" of hers, is clearly not a friend! Doesn't she have the right to know? Don't you have a best friend? How would you feel if it was your best friend, that you've known longer than your bf? If the roles were reversed I would expect my best friend to come forward... How can I not feel like a shitty friend?

**Wakeup** · 30-08-13, 01:16 AM

I didn't know they had "provinces" to work out in the US of A?

I think you should mind your own business.

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 01:20 AM

He's in Canada working, she is here, I suppose out of country would have been a better term. He went out for a few months and she was supposed to move there too, but it didn't work out and he came back.

**anonymous_a** · 30-08-13, 01:29 AM

Originally Posted by wakeup

i didn't know they had "provinces" to work out in the us of a?

Lmfaoo....

**namemyname** · 30-08-13, 02:31 AM

Why are you so quick to believe the gossip that some guys told your BF?

As a "BFF", I'd be tweaked you would ever believe this about me.

Sounds like the guys were talking trash. Let it go.

**Wakeup** · 30-08-13, 02:37 AM

and b) she normally tells me when when she does anything with anyone.*

You sound more jealous that she didn't confide in you then you do concerned about people talking about her behind her back. If that's the case then NmN is right and you should have just told them that it was bs because you'd know about it if it was true. End of.

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 02:38 AM

Originally Posted by namemyname

Why are you so quick to believe the gossip that some guys told your BF?

As a "BFF", I'd be tweaked you would ever believe this about me.

Sounds like the guys were talking trash. Let it go.

I AM skeptical about the info. As I stated above! But these guys claim to be her friend, and here they are discussing her personal life, one of which was told in confidence. She obviously trusts him, and shouldn't. As a bff isn't it a responsibility to inform her of someone stabbing her in the back? Whether the info is true or not, is neither nor there, that's not the issue.

**namemyname** · 30-08-13, 02:42 AM

Originally Posted by missprisss

I AM skeptical about the info. As I stated above! But these guys claim to be her friend, and here they are discussing her personal life, one of which was told in confidence. She obviously trusts him, and shouldn't. As a bff isn't it a responsibility to inform her of someone stabbing her in the back? Whether the info is true or not, is neither nor there, that's not the issue.

Well, you're discussing her personal life as well.

Let's be real - we ALL talk about our friends, to some degree. Even if it's only flattering info, we still talk.

Again, you're very quick to believe this intel. Not sure I would.

The issue, IMO, is why you believe third hand information over something you think your BFF would have told you directly. Either you're not that close, or the guys are making shit up.

Should you tell her? Well, if you do, you're going to cause all kinds of rifts in your group for doing so. I guess you need to consider the fallout of telling her, because chances are she will confront someone over it, and you end up being the bad guy. Actually, your BF ends up being the bad guy, since he's the one who supposedly heard this.

Are you sure your BF can be trusted? Maybe he's making it all up.

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 02:43 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

You sound more jealous that she didn't confide in you then you do concerned about people talking about her behind her back. If that's the case then NmN is right and you should have just told them that it was bs because you'd know about it if it was true. End of.

Lmao I'm not jealous. I AM skeptical about the information. But the issue is that I think she deserves to know that her so called friends are taking shit about her behind her back. I would expect the same from her. Wouldn't you expect the same from your bff?

My bf thinks that if I tell her, she will confront the friend she told, and in turn, he will confront my bf. My bf is only trying to save his own ass.

I told him for future reference that if this ever happens again, to just keep his mouth shut.

**Wakeup** · 30-08-13, 02:48 AM

Originally Posted by missprisss

Lmao I'm not jealous. I AM skeptical about the information. But the issue is that I think she deserves to know that her so called friends are taking shit about her behind her back. I would expect the same from her. Wouldn't you expect the same from your bff?

No. I'd expect my bff to shut down the talk though... If she happened to be there to do such a thing.

My bf thinks that if I tell her, she will confront the friend she told, and in turn, he will confront my bf. My bf is only trying to save his own ass.

you're foolish to even get involved with any of it. As I said, it's none of your business. Partners tell partners shit and they have to have a sense of feeling safe to do so. You wanting to be some princess in shining armour is a betrayal to your partner. Stay out of it.

I told him for future reference that if this ever happens again, to just keep his mouth shut.

I'm sure you've taught him that that is exactly what he should do from here on out. He likely can't trust you with information he's heard while out with the boys anymore so I don't think it will be a problem.

What about your friends SO... does anyone feel that he should know how she skanked around on him? (and without protection if there was pregnancy scare) Just curious.

Frankly I'm still wondering about the "Province" thing to be honest.

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 30-08-13, 02:56 AM

It's hearsay. You weren't there. Your friend is a slut..nothing wrong with that, but it's the truth. For you to think you're the only one who knows is just stupid. You admit it, so why can't her other friends? It would be ****ed up if she wasn't a slut and they were calling her one, but she is. What's the big deal? Odds are she's ****ed people in your circle. Look at you now, itching to blabber..if you can't figure out why she might keep things from you, then you really are as stupid as you sound.

If you really want to tell then go ahead, but I don't see how it helps anyone. What are you hoping for by telling her?

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 03:15 AM

Wow. Some of you really need to start paying attention to DETAIL. I'm not some gossiping drama queen. I am very loyal to my bf and to my friends. My bf told me not to say anything so I didn't. I just came here for insight. Like I said, if I were in my friends shoes, I would want to know, that's the only reason I was feeling conflicted. And backup I have never once been disloyal to her. She has no reason to keep information from me. If its true, and she did in fact keep it from me, then that is her prerogative, but I'd still think that if the roles were reversed she'd be a good enough friend to come to me and tell me that my other "friends" were talking about something that might not even be true. I'm not "itching to blabber" you ignorant twat, if I was, I'd have told the world by now.

As for her and her bf, they are broken up now (officially, apparently), so that's her own problem to deal with, if he ever finds out.

Anyways. I've decided I'm not going to tell her. Because it's just going to cause more problems. And ps. Wakeup, I have never once been disloyal to my boyfriend. I told him in the future to keep his mouth shut IF ITS ABOUT MY BEST FRIENDS, because it puts me in an awkward position. There was really no need for him to even tell me about this in the first place. I know how she is, and I'm aware of her behavior. He should have kept it between him and the poker table ffs.

**missprisss** · 30-08-13, 03:17 AM

Btw, you should all take a look at the way you approach people and their situations. About 90% of the people I have interacted with here, don't seem to be interested in helping people, but would rather start a debate and judge the poster. And I've only been here for 3 days. If you have no intention of giving helpful advice then kindly f*ck off

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