Dumped because of HIS insecurities

[lovehurtsbad1]

Hello, I am looking for some advice as i'm so heartbroken. My boyfriend of 5 months ended it 2 weeks ago saying ''I don't trust you at all'' but I am the most trustworthy loving girlfriend anyone could have. I'l tell you about me and him -

ME: devoted, loving, a bit ditsy and silly sometimes, I do things without thinking, come out of nasty 5 year relationship where I got cheated on. I was obsessed and had strong feelings for this current guy and tried my hardest to make it work.
HIM: insecure, been cheated on by 3 different women, a bit controlling and paranoid but doesn't speak to many women..this is how I knew to trust him.

We both come from completely different backgrounds and have different tastes in music, but I fell for him anyway, and him me. Basically it started off well enough but he seemed to push me away in the very early stages, the first month I wouldn't see anything of him and then suddenly he would act like nothing happened. He ended it 4 times with me, for different reasons, I have a few male friends and this really bothered him, but no matter how much I tell him I have no interest in any of them he would act as though that doesn't matter at all. Throughout the relationship he would be hot and cold with me, I would fall for him and he would pull away when we got too close, he would say ''it's easier to pull away so he doesn't get hurt'' as much as I try to convince him, he wouldn't believe that I would never hurt him. The last time we split before this one, he split up with me for staying over at a guys house on his couch because I was too tired to get a taxi home, but I ws amongst friends, I admitted it was wrong of me to do that and I said I would never do it again to anybody.

Many different things he would keep on doing -

* asking who i'm speaking to on social network sites
* asking who i'm texting, or asking who has text me
* asking awkward questions about exes or why ''i've settled for him''
* never letting go of the night i stayed at a guys house even though I apologized and said it would never happen again
* accusing me of wearing a low cut top to get male attention
* fell out with me for wearing a see through top and being ''embarrassed'' by it, then never letting me forget about it.

He become cold and distant in the last two weeks, he went on a night out without telling me but rung me at 5am telling me he loves me and tried to avoid me but he couldn't, we had a lovely day together and I went home..but then the next day he text me saying he had had enough, I was in bits and I sort of let him go, all done over the phone as he coward his way out, he said he doesn't trust me, but can't trust anyone and it's making him ill being with me.
I go a week without contacting him, giving him space, then he texts me and asks to chat to me, I agree and we have a lovely long chat over the phone, he admits that he misses me, he loves me and the reason why it ended was because he cannot trust and is scared of getting hurt again. He asked if we could stay in touch and be friends, I agreed as it seemed nice, he admitted to speaking to my friend over fb (who told me that he said to her he really likes me still).

I ruined it by agreeing to see him for a ride out, as he seemed to only want to talk about 'real reasons' for the break up. He said he doesn't think that I'm trustworthy because of my 'lifestyle' because I have male friends who I hang with and I am secretive with my mobile and over social network sites saying I would never 'tag' him in any of my status's like I was ashamed of him and we didn't feel like a real couple because of it and that's why he never had photos taken with me. But I honestly don't do anything wrong! he said I'm like a teenager who doesn't realize people cheat on each other and thats the reality. He seemed to come out with nit picking excuses as to why he no longer likes me (although 2 days previous he told my friend how much he likes me!!) he said we are better off apart because we are different and he will find someone he can trust one day - although I am the most trusting person you could meet, I just need to prove it a bit more. I don't know what to do, I really really like him and I miss him so much, he has stop texting me and I regret meeting up with him so much as we seemed to be getting on again before it and I might of been able to win him back. What should I do? go back to NC? how can I salvage this mess?! why would he say he really likes me then say all that

[basilandthyme]

Lovehurtsbad, this breakup isn't about you or anything you've done. He's simply broken and not relationship material at this point. There's nothing you can do to salvage it because he needs to fix himself first. All you can do is learn from it. Next time a guy shows you such insecurity, realise that it's a warning sign that he's not a good choice.

As for the present, go NC. Tell him how much he hurt you and that you simply can't be friends because you need time to recover.

it will get better - hang in there.

[Ginger2013]

HIM: insecure, been cheated on by 3 different women, a bit controlling and paranoid but doesn't speak to many women..this is how I knew to trust him.

This is what stood out for me, how do you "know" you can trust him based on this? He obviously has issues if 3 women have cheated on him. Sure, it could be just bad luck, but if so many women have cheated on him, that would be a red flag for me. My bf had all his ex's dump him suddenly and in anger. This was a red flag for me, even though I was blind to it at first. I thought "poor him..." but the reason was his temper and emotional immaturity (which I found out about months into our relationship). Controlling and paranoid is very bad and can only lead to a breakup. Even if he broke up with you first, I suspect that you would have had enough at some point and dumped him. He won't trust any woman because he assumes we're all the same. Until he grows up and stops comparing new girls to his old ones, he will never be able to commit. I know it's hard, but moving on to someone else is the best thing because he won't change for you. We all deserve to be loved and trusted and accepted for who we are. If you've given him no reason to distrust you and he still does, he never will see your side of things. Don't ruin you self-esteem over someone like that. Find someone more mature.

[anonymous_a]

You clearly deserve better. Find someone who is like you, trustworthy, confident and loving. He has some work to do on himself if he ever wants to have a healthy relationship in the future. If he had given you the opportunity to help him with this, then you could have worked through it together, but he didn't give you that chance, and that's his fault. Move on and find someone worthy of your trust and love.

[Ginger2013]

If he had given you the opportunity to help him with this, then you could have worked through it together, but he didn't give you that chance, and that's his fault.

I think this is a very good point that we all seem to overlook when we're in this type of situation. We tend to blame ourselves. You have shown love for him and support, he refuses to open up to you and let you help him. I'm not generalizing, but the guys I've know have all been afraid to show their emotions, afraid to look weak, and they're willing to end relationships rather than deal with their feelings. This eventually pushes women away. If he won't let you in, you can't force your way in at all. He'll always find a way to push you away, like saying he can't trust you for no apparent reason. It's ridiculous, but I've seen it happen so often.

[pcmaster]

He was afraid to lose you but excatly thats what happened cause he made it happen without knowing it.

[lovehurtsbad1]

Yes it's hard for me to not blame myself..because of the things he said to me the last time we spoke, saying I hid our relationship from fb yet tagged friends in status' s but truth be told, I hardly post anything at all. We did put 'in a relationship' the first time we made it official but we split up 4 times afterwards so updating the status again and again seemed pointless. I cant help being friends with men..some iv known since high school, I just wanted him to trust me. Im so hurt he doesnt think I'm one of the nice ones because of this very reason. Fair enough I attended a night out or two without him an maybe didnt text whilst out..but usnt that in normal circumstances in relationships called having space and not coming across as needy? I played it all wrong..I should of been clingy and texting him more :/